How much is enough for retirement in Singapore?

[Cloud Cloud]

lee_yl:

ngl2010:

Not in my family. My brother received most inheritance. Like 95%. Just because he is a male. Not because he is the least abled/weakest. While we daughters have to split the remaining 5%.

DH said his sister contributed the most to their family. She gave up her studies and went to work early to help support the family so that DH could continue studying.

But MIL has instructed after her passing on, DH would receive ard $100K and SIL ard $3K of MIL’s savings.

When grandpa passed away, sons receive the bulk of the assets, daughters receive only a token $1000. The eldest uncle family receive 2 shares as his son is the eldest grandson.

[hercules]

天下最不值得赌的东西 is 那一口气。


Try to imagine the 一口气 has to be ‘won’ at what expense. But many still try to win this (I ‘studied’ and found it is an ‘ego’ issue that the ‘ego’ is hurt and so have to win it back almost at all costs even to the extent of wallet, body, heart, time, etc all 遍体鳞伤).

My kids also gradually can understand 一口气 most of the time not worth the expense and now learn not to make any decision if they realise that the decision is made to win 那一口气 (then likely they will make the correct decision when facing ‘ego-bruising’ situations that sure to have in life).

[starlight1968sg]

Hercules

I really salute to you and wish to have a chance to seek your counselling.
I am going through challenging periods now.
My mum has a life filled with sufferings bec she didn’t meet a good man.
My parents are separated
I am merely doing my part as an eldest to my father bec I don’t want to live with any regrets. My siblings and I love our Mum more bec we saw how she suffered as my father is a gambler.
This experience also ingrained in our minds esp myself and my younger sis on being financial independence and not to rely on husbands

[MrsKiasu]

starlight1968sg:

Hercules

I really salute to you and wish to have a chance to seek your counselling.
I am going through challenging periods now.
My mum has a life filled with sufferings bec she didn’t meet a good man.
My parents are separated
I am merely doing my part as an eldest to my father bec I don’t want to live with any regrets. My siblings and I love our Mum more bec we saw how she suffered as my father is a gambler.
This experience also ingrained in our minds esp myself and my younger sis on being financial independence and not to rely on husbands

:hugs: you are a kind-hearted person.

[laughingcat]

After hearing from you guys....I really admire those with the the grit and the beauty of acceptance. I really :salute: you guys.


For me.....I don't know when can I forget and forgive.....most likely never, because occassionally I am still having nightmares. The family that I used to have had a traumatic effects on me.

[lee_yl]

MrsKiasu:

starlight1968sg:

Hercules

I really salute to you and wish to have a chance to seek your counselling.
I am going through challenging periods now.
My mum has a life filled with sufferings bec she didn’t meet a good man.
My parents are separated
I am merely doing my part as an eldest to my father bec I don’t want to live with any regrets. My siblings and I love our Mum more bec we saw how she suffered as my father is a gambler.
This experience also ingrained in our minds esp myself and my younger sis on being financial independence and not to rely on husbands

:hugs: you are a kind-hearted person.

You are a good daughter, willing to fulfill your role as a dutiful daughter despite what your dad did to your mum.

[lee_yl]

laughingcat:

For me.....I don't know when can I forget and forgive.....most likely never, because occassionally I am still having nightmares. The family that I used to have had a traumatic effects on me.

What has passed let it pass, just treat it as if you have woken up from a nightmare, think of the bright future and your two lovely boys. :snuggles:

[lee_yl]

After reading so many sharing, do you think there is some confusion or denial about the cause and effect of parents favoring the less capable child because they are not able to take care of themselves well OR the child grow up to be less capable due 长年累月的溺爱?


But for obvious cases like Slmkhoo’s, I probably would have the same arrangement as hers.

[MrsKiasu]

laughingcat:

After hearing from you guys....I really admire those with the the grit and the beauty of acceptance. I really :salute: you guys.


For me.....I don't know when can I forget and forgive.....most likely never, because occassionally I am still having nightmares. The family that I used to have had a traumatic effects on me.

Are you still staying with them? It may take some time to slowly heal. May not be fully but may to the extent you able find peace. Some don't see, don't hear, don't feel. Some see lesser, hear lesser, feel lesser. All of us will grow old. When you see the more fragile of them, you may think , there is nothing permanent. We are so tiny in this universe. Let's put our energy in our precious family ba.

[cherrygal]

Mrs Kiasu

Good way of looking at it. I had wanted to post something about MIL’s favouritism but after reading what you said, decided to delete it. No point dwelling on the hurt when MIL doesn’t even care or know about it.

Yes, don’t see + don’t hear + don’t do = feel nothing. That’s my mantra nowadays. And DH is happy with the supposed "peace and harmony".