How much is enough for retirement in Singapore?

[cherrygal]

Mrs Kiasu

Good way of looking at it. I had wanted to post something about MIL’s favouritism but after reading what you said, decided to delete it. No point dwelling on the hurt when MIL doesn’t even care or know about it.

Yes, don’t see + don’t hear + don’t do = feel nothing. That’s my mantra nowadays. And DH is happy with the supposed "peace and harmony".

[laughingcat]

Thank you all for the comfort. Yes, I will have to look forward and no point dwelling about it. If think more, I think I will go mad.

[hercules]

starlight1968sg:

I am going through challenging periods now.
My mum has a life filled with sufferings bec she didn’t meet a good man.
My parents are separated
I am merely doing my part as an eldest to my father bec I don’t want to live with any regrets. My siblings and I love our Mum more bec we saw how she suffered as my father is a gambler.
This experience also ingrained in our minds esp myself and my younger sis on being financial independence and not to rely on husbands

Parents of our generation are less likely to be able to meet a 'good' man as their generation belongs to the less educated lot in general. Born during their time is they have the shorter end of the stick as compared to us.

See you and your younger sis are also doing quite well despite your mum doesn't have a good husband, and so your mum should try to take solace in this. A person's character will determine whether he / she will feel happy or not when facing negative situations, and so if her character is one of preferring to keep counting and recounting past wounds then she will just have to keep reliving the pains, and that will be something you can't help her but just listening to her.

If your dad has been treating you reasonably well when you were a child, even he gambles / womanises / etc, you have to treat him nice regardless of his bad relationship with your mum.

If your dad is those 不顾家 at all type, then you can keep your polite distance and just give him some monthly allowance.

I think your parents should be in their 70s or 80s. When the time comes for this old man to need medical help, find a nursing home, pay for it, and visit him about fortnightly. He needs to have some time to quietly reflect and 'repent' too; good for his 'development'.

Overall is we don't get involve in parents' marriage and we don't take side (but can support the 'non-default' party) if both parties have fulfilled their parental roles towards their children when their children were young. The same is we will never get our children to take side in our own marriage when we quarrel with our spouse or if the marriage fails when both parties have been fulfilling their parental roles. Don't mix up the roles of that person as a spouse and as a parent.

Be aware of your own mental health. Your mum's marriage is hers and you have yours. Can learn lessons from her but cannot be overly affected (as this may spill on to your girl and affect her marriage subsequently on trust / mistrust issues with boyfriend / spouse).

[hercules]

laughingcat:

For me.....I don't know when can I forget and forgive.....most likely never, because occassionally I am still having nightmares. The family that I used to have had a traumatic effects on me.

Try to resolve the trauma at least to the extent of you no long having any nightmares or doesn’t feel hurt when you recall it. ‘Sympathise’ with those who hurt you, that they are so lacking in certain means that they had to resort in certain manners to let you feel bad. When you can re-discover the peace, most things will materialize easily in the ways that you want. It’s already so not worth to get hammered before and it will be more loss to get further hammered when many good things cannot reach you coz of your negative emotions.

We cannot change history or others but we definitely can change the ways we look at these matters for self healing purposes. Overcome the nonsense of others and emerge stronger.

[Joyymum]

hercules,


Thanks for sharing your life experiences. I like reading your post because it’s like I have just been to a counselling session.

You reminds me of a senior member in this forum who also talks about 命理，因果循环.

Thank you for your kind sharing.
May I know how is your relationship with your MIL & hubby? Just curious as it seems that you are good in handling relationships.

I reckon if our relationship with MIL is a good one then the marriage between a couple should be good too because hubby will not be caught in a difficult situation and vice versa ?

[MrsKiasu]

hercules, I totally agree with that.

[hercules]

Joyymum:

I reckon if our relationship with MIL is a good one then the marriage between a couple should be good too because hubby will not be caught in a difficult situation and vice versa ?

Even most of us will have disputes with own parents, siblings, spouse or kids at times, and so it's natural that many times we can't see eye-to-eye with the IL's side. It's normal.

But amid all the hoohas, 过了就算了, else very stressful for the spouse and family if keep having to listen to the repeated nags.

Max to hold a grudge for any unpleasant things to me is 3 days and anything longer than that I feel very wasting my life when life is 过一天就少一天. During those 3 days, one may say whatever he / she wants to say but after those 3 days, have to turn the page and move on.

It requires consciousness to put these '3-day rule' into real practice and it's best to train our own kids from young for them to master this mindset to have a longer fulfilling life.

[lee_yl]

Joyymum:

I reckon if our relationship with MIL is a good one then the marriage between a couple should be good too because hubby will not be caught in a difficult situation and vice versa ?

So far, I have not encountered any friends who divorced because they couldn’t get along with their MILs.

[Joyymum]

Thanks hercules for your kind advice

[Fairy]

Cloud Cloud:

I know of friends who bought resale during the peak around 1996. Today, even if they sell their unit, will not be able to recover much cash. Besides location, timing is also important.

It's true.
That is my situation now. New flat direct from HDB was overpriced then. Current valuation is close to my purchase price. The only consolation is the space we have.