Ways to improve social confidence and reduce social anxiety

[zac's mum]

san20sg\" post_id=\"2043628\" time=\"1635117990\" user_id=\"76391:

What are the various ways to improve social confidence and reduce social anxiety? It will be greatly appreciated if we can share all the various ways/methods that work for your child

1. Speech Therapy or social skill classes
2. Counselling, emotional regulation or mindfulness classes such as The Open Center
3. EQ classes such as People Impact, The Little Executive
4. Public speaking, debating, oral or speech & drama classes
5. Uniformed groups such as scouts, boys brigade
6. Team Sports such as football, basketball

6. Team sports: highly advisable for an only child. I sent my DS to plenty of these, even though he actually does better in individual sports. Another friend also sends her only child to these even though he is relatively uncoordinated. There’s always something intangible they can learn from the team dynamics. Of course if he’s miserable after 1-2 months u can stop. During school PE they will be exposed to team sports too (pre-Covid).

I’m not sure about the others such as therapy or counseling. Does your son talk to u about why he’s anxious in social settings? Is it because his personality is introverted? Or some deeper reasons like possible bullying in school?

My DS was an extremely shy baby and toddler (born that way). Very strong (and dramatic) social anxiety at that time. We did expose him gradually to social settings with me (the main caregiver) always there beside him to assure and show him that it is safe. We were sorely limited to parent-accompanied classes all the way until age 7, since he refused to go into any drop off classes. Kindergarten drop off was such a traumatic event daily and took half a year before he trusted the teachers. Very routine child so anything that broke the routine would send him into anxiety.

We did suspect some form of autism. But he eventually outgrew this insistence to routine after I always remembered to Pre-empt him and tell him in advance what was going to happen. If things didn’t go as planned, I would say there’s a slight change, let’s adapt and try, and we will find out there’s no big damage (Eg suddenly a replacement teacher was on duty instead of the regular teacher). I always had to be there to assure him.

When he started primary school, with plenty of Prep talk, he adapted well on his own. Gradually in school, he made friends on his own (I had guided him slowly during playground times), his personality changed to become very social & extrovert. He begged to join a uniform group for the socialization opportunities. I still dunno why his personality could change like that.

Myself, I am highly introvert & shy. My parents sent me for speech & drama classes when young, I absolutely hated them. I did learn the skills of speaking/acting in front of a crowd, but I still don’t like doing so. Therefore I don’t believe such classes will work on introverts.

[sharonkhoo]

san20sg\" post_id=\"2043628\" time=\"1635117990\" user_id=\"76391:

What are the various ways to improve social confidence and reduce social anxiety? It will be greatly appreciated if we can share all the various ways/methods that work for your child

1. Speech Therapy or social skill classes
2. Counselling, emotional regulation or mindfulness classes such as The Open Center
3. EQ classes such as People Impact, The Little Executive
4. Public speaking, debating, oral or speech & drama classes
5. Uniformed groups such as scouts, boys brigade
6. Team Sports such as football, basketball

How serious is the issue? And what age is your child? Such interventions need to be tailored for the child not everything will work the same way for every child. Also, as ZM says, is he an introvert, and are you allowing for that difference in personality? Not every child can be extrovert and happy to perform confidently in social settings, and forcing it can be traumatic and damaging to his self-esteem.

Assuming that there is definitely a lack, and the child needs some help, if it's not too serious, then those things you listed may well help. He has to be willing to take part, though. But it the child is very young, or the issue is serious, then plunging him into these programmes may be too much of a \"shock\" and could cause more damage than good.

Especially if the child is young, start at home with assurances, role play, small steps. Once the child is slightly more comfortable in social settings, then some of those activities and classes might help.

At the end of the day, you need to accept your child for what he is. I have a highly introvert daughter with other issues as well. With all the coaching and exposure we have provided at home and in school etc, she will never be happy in large social groups or performing in public. We accept that she is like that, and we are looking for jobs (she's 24 now) that do not tax her in those respects.

[san20sg]

My son was a very shy introvert and socially awkward when he was very young but I think he is growing out of it now and is more fun-loving now, though still very shy. He enjoys scouts activities but doesn't like teams sports and speech and drama classes.


I feel it really depends on the teacher or coach whether the child will take to a particular activity. For example, my boy doesn't usually like sports but he really enjoys one ActiveSG tennis camp because the coach for that camp was very funny but unfortunately this tennis coach doesn't participate in ActiveSG activities anymore.

I was listing down the possible activities that could possibly help bring him out of his shell, not that I have tried everything. Have not tried #2 or #3 stuff yet.

It will be great if mummies can share with others their positive experiences with particular centers or teachers It will be great if you can also share contacts of very funny or very positive coaches.

[zac's mum]

https://trehaus.co/trehaus-holiday-camp/


This one is relatively pricey, but it contains various elements (Eg mindfulness, socialization) that you are looking for.

I like this place because I’ve personally observed they hire only teachers who are great with kids. DS attended an art lesson with them there before (only 3 students) and they also have co-work space next to the classroom for parents to work if they wish.

I can’t vouch for other places becos the good teachers often come & go. For those, u probably need to arrange a trial first to see if they can click with your child.

[swortionery]

In some of the board gaming communities that I’m part of, I’ve observed parents to bring their children along for meetups so that they can have a sort of mini play date, but with adults being involved in the activities too. After all, gaming has always been a hobby that ties people together. Some of the children who joined these meetups for the first time tended to be quite shy, but once the ice was broken, you could see them having a lot of fun and talking more.

[Joyous Box]

Hi parents,


I am new to this forum and wanted to connect up with parents whose kids might hv SM, social anxiety, HFA, HSC, super shy, quiet etc.....

I am also hoping to set up playdates for my 8 yo son (undiagnosed), who is a quiet HSC (Highly Sensitive Child), doing well in school but unable to make any \"real\" friends. He fears speaking up to kids around his age but is highly motivated and willing to have social engagement with support.

Hoping to share and learn with you all!

Please let me know if your child is keen to connect up, we can arrange playdates together

[alisterconflicts]

Unfortunately, almost every child faces social anxiety.

[Cindersan]

Can recommend more affordable social skill class. My son 11 years old and I am concerning that he doesn’t seem have friends in class. Try reach out Austism recovery network, cost is 70 and attend for 3 hours weekly that total cost is rather high

[sharonkhoo]

Cindersan\" post_id=\"2082578\" time=\"1663459083\" user_id=\"135719:

Can recommend more affordable social skill class. My son 11 years old and I am concerning that he doesn’t seem have friends in class. Try reach out Austism recovery network, cost is 70 and attend for 3 hours weekly that total cost is rather high

You could try a few sessions just to get the basics? Maybe the year-end school holidays may be a good time to try. After that, you can use what has been learnt to practise with him?

For practise, you can first role-play common situations with him, then also arrange for him to have time to try out things with classmates, family friends, etc. And have debriefs and trouble-shooting after every session, until he seems to have internalised things.

As for friends, it can be hard because other kids are not always kind - even if they don't make fun or bully, they may not go out of their way to accommodate someone who is not as \"normal\". That, unfortunately, is a fact of life. If your son is lucky, some of the kinder ones will at least accommodate a bit and include him, but have a \"best friend\" - well, my adult daughter has never had one.