How much should I give my parents?

[Imami]

popireis:

Same la, in my mum's eyes $ = filial...

Like that jialat for the children. Some how, the picture of a hamster running on the wheel come to mind... Pant pant. Money will never be enough,

[popireis]

I’ve come to accept that I’ll never be a good DIL in my ILs’ eyes, never will be a good daughter in my mum’s eyes… so be it. I just do what I can. Now my own family is my priority, I cannot please everyone. There’s only 1 me and 24hrs in a day, 7 days a week, I cannot do more than I can cope.

[buds]

popireis:

I've come to accept that I'll never be a good DIL in my ILs' eyes, never will be a good daughter in my mum's eyes.... so be it. I just do what I can. Now my own family is my priority, I cannot please everyone. There's only 1 me and 24hrs in a day, 7 days a week, I cannot do more than I can cope.

Hi popireis, i TOTALLY understand this as i am in exactly the same position as you are. I will just never be good enough in their eyes.

I also get where you are coming from when you mentioned the tight leash your mil/mom is (trying) to keep on you. Mine does it too. Wanna control what i do with the children.. wanna control where i go.. wanna control my weight :roll:.. wanna control what i wear.. :skeptical: Dunno la.. i told my friend if i end up being close to treating my children (intentionally or not) like that to please tell me off and remind me of this thing i am going through.

[SBKS]

popireis:

I've come to accept that I'll never be a good DIL in my ILs' eyes, never will be a good daughter in my mum's eyes.... so be it. I just do what I can. Now my own family is my priority, I cannot please everyone. There's only 1 me and 24hrs in a day, 7 days a week, I cannot do more than I can cope.

CORRECT! same approach.

[zac's mum]

https://www.channelnewsasia.com/commentary/young-working-adults-parents-allowance-money-personal-finance-3472696?cid=internal_sharetool_iphone_23052023_cna

[MrsKiasu]

Didnt read 100% of the article. Not sure if daughter tell the parents that she doesnt have enough after given them a fixed %. Maybe parents can take but give back by buying her working clothes/shoes/bags, pack lunch for her to bring to office, help top up mrt card etc if they know their dd don’t have enough…


Oh…I don’t give fixed allowance to my dds then can I ask for fixed allowance from dds next time?

Give only when I know they need cash, I keep smaller notes in envelope (changed at bank) for them to take, there is cash around the places at home like most ppl but they don’t conveniently take it somehow… always calculate how much cash both have combined whenever want to buy small gifts for us…I top up ezlink card for buying food/drinks in school & pack food for them.

[sharonkhoo]

MrsKiasu\" post_id=\"2109319\" time=\"1684800292\" user_id=\"43981:

Didnt read 100% of the article. Not sure if daughter tell the parents that she doesnt have enough after given them a fixed %. Maybe parents can take but give back by buying her working clothes/shoes/bags, pack lunch for her to bring to office, help top up mrt card etc if they know their dd don't have enough..

Oh..I don't give fixed allowance to my dds then can I ask for fixed allowance from dds next time?

Give only when I know they need cash, I keep smaller notes in envelope (changed at bank) for them to take, there is cash around the places at home like most ppl but they don't conveniently take it somehow.. always calculate how much cash both have combined whenever want to buy small gifts for us..I top up ezlink card for buying food/drinks in school & pack food for them.

I think it boils down to relationship, and expressing thoughts more regularly and ahead of time. I think part of the problem for the writer was that the demand from parents was not only unexpected, but it was couched as a demand. And she didn't feel that they needed it!

Every family will have its own dynamics and expectations, and children should be made aware of these as they grow up. Also, children should be given opportunities to express their opinions and differing opinions should be discussed.

[zac's mum]

What I sensed from the article is that demand breeds resentment. It is better for the child to give willingly from what they feel they can afford. This article speaks from the child’s perspective, which we as parents need to see also.


Sometimes I observe Asian parents demand so much from our kids (whether grades or filial allowance), whereas we may treat our pet dogs & cats with so much more unconditional love (no demands). Why ah?

[MrsKiasu]

Probably if both sides opened up and talk will be better? Sometimes we just dont know what other side’s issues/thinking.

[MrsKiasu]

The author didn’t take allowance since 18yo…could it be that she has been working part time + own sponsored studies…then came out to work on 1st formal job, parents demand for allowance? If yes…then will be quite a shock too as she needs to pay for study loan.