Me Time!
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One of my own main stress is whenever I think of why I let go of my career …end of day both also ‘don’t have achievements’. Esp when we are not the young ones ie gave birth early then by the time go out again still young. Those kind of feelings not easy to overcome…well we can suppress but guess difficult to eliminate. Sometimes I gave up thinking abt it…will feel very light. But whenever I see those friends around me living exciting and purposeful lives, I will kinda of think…how nice if I have that too. Well, now can only think kids should be happy that I been around with them…dh has much lesser worries and able to focus on his job. For me, I will just maybe increase my passive income? Maybe that can be considered 对得起自己吧。。
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Imp75\" post_id=\"2123892\" time=\"1701147697\" user_id=\"2358:
That's good to know..
Tbh you are not alone in not enforcing study schedule during Sch holi. I also believe Sch holi is well-deserved break and they can social media all day for all I care. Whether they wanna do Sch assigned work, I leave it to them to face the consequences if they don’t. I also don’t believe in self study or advanced study ahead. My girls don’t do that and I don’t see results impacted in any way. Of course they could have done better with all these pushing but at the end of the day, it’s for what and why? The end game is the same. -
Imp75\" post_id=\"2123892\" time=\"1701147697\" user_id=\"2358:
No, don't do that. Social media is something that, once, hooked, is EXTREMELY DIFFICULT to pull out of the system. I would say, on hindsight, let them do what they want during their holidays, except don't give them a mobile phone which they can use as and when they like. And keep this rule for as long as possible, up to Secondary 1 or even 4 if possible.
... they can social media all day for all I care.
... -
MrsKiasu\" post_id=\"2123893\" time=\"1701148054\" user_id=\"43981:
I think you should start living for yourself since your girls are in sec Sch. We deserve to pamper ourselves too after sacrificing for them.
One of my own main stress is whenever I think of why I let go of my career ..end of day both also 'don't have achievements'. Esp when we are not the young ones ie gave birth early then by the time go out again still young. Those kind of feelings not easy to overcome..well we can suppress but guess difficult to eliminate. Sometimes I gave up thinking abt it..will feel very light. But whenever I see those friends around me living exciting and purposeful lives, I will kinda of think..how nice if I have that too. Well, now can only think kids should be happy that I been around with them..dh has much lesser worries and able to focus on his job. For me, I will just maybe increase my passive income? Maybe that can be considered 对得起自己吧。。 -
ChiefKiasu\" post_id=\"2123896\" time=\"1701148285\" user_id=\"3:
Hi chief. My girls are big Liao…..JC and above. But even in sec Sch, I do not impose handphone rules as well bc I know they have “limits”. They are too scared to be missing homework submission. Sch work keeps them on their toes.
No, don't do that. Social media is something that, once, hooked, is EXTREMELY DIFFICULT to pull out of the system. I would say, on hindsight, let them do what they want during their holidays, except don't give them a mobile phone which they can use as and when they like. And keep this rule for as long as possible, up to Secondary 1 or even 4 if possible. -
MrsKiasu\" post_id=\"2123890\" time=\"1701147280\" user_id=\"43981:
Again, I feel it depends on the individual situation. I usually allowed freedom in the short vacations, but I feel the long vacations should be used wisely. Not that I made my kids study a lot (at most 1-2 hrs a day M-F in sec school), but I set minimum amounts of time for reading, and for revision of whatever needed some bolstering. This meant that my older girl generally had more to do in the vacations, but she needed it more. Most kids go backwards somewhat during the long holidays, and for some kids, this can be significant. But I would declare at least 2 weeks of no-work for each long vacation.
Tho I m not that pushy type (at least that's what I think). I don't agree with totally no need to nag them to study during non school holidays. Now my side already makes me feel guilty sometimes coz I let them totally on their own ..no need touch academic books once the year end exam is over. Many ppl see also cannot stand de. But I m telling myself it is a school holiday. And every school holiday is like that :stupid: but never mind la..it is a school holiday lor
At the moment, my husband is giving 4.5 hrs a week (3 sessions a week), plus an additional 6-8 hrs of homework per week, to my Sec 3 nieces who did very badly in Maths (and badly overall too). Up till now, they have been given total freedom during vacations, and they are not very diligent students. My brother finally decided that they needed to get the \"holes\" patched before Sec 4 begins, so for the first time, they are being made to do significant work during a school holiday! We all feel sorry for them, but we feel that this is too important to waste these few weeks. Luckily, their recent results and the scolding they received has made them realise how bad things have got, and they are grateful. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. -
MrsKiasu\" post_id=\"2123893\" time=\"1701148054\" user_id=\"43981:
I also didn't work outside the home for many years (17 in total), and only PT/freelance since I was 50 yrs old. I think this is a case where you have to redefine \"Rome\" for yourself - maybe your life isn't very exciting, but surely it's purposeful? And surely the value of the purpose is not dependent on your kids' grades? Since your \"Rome\" is supporting your kids, do your best at it and don't measure the outcome in grades. And if you want to do something after your kids are older, plan for it and look forward to it. It doesn't have to full-time, and it won't match up to those who didn't leave the workforce - just define it in a way that is satisfying to yourself.
One of my own main stress is whenever I think of why I let go of my career ..end of day both also 'don't have achievements'. Esp when we are not the young ones ie gave birth early then by the time go out again still young. Those kind of feelings not easy to overcome..well we can suppress but guess difficult to eliminate. Sometimes I gave up thinking abt it..will feel very light. But whenever I see those friends around me living exciting and purposeful lives, I will kinda of think..how nice if I have that too. Well, now can only think kids should be happy that I been around with them..dh has much lesser worries and able to focus on his job. For me, I will just maybe increase my passive income? Maybe that can be considered 对得起自己吧。。 -
Imp75\" post_id=\"2123898\" time=\"1701148619\" user_id=\"2358:
I stopped imposing rules by the time they were in upper sec or so. The discipline we imposed from the time they were small meant that they could manage for themselves by their mid-teens. Sometimes I might mention it if I felt they were spending too much time on their phones, but rarely.
Hi chief. My girls are big Liao…..JC and above. But even in sec Sch, I do not impose handphone rules as well bc I know they have “limits”. They are too scared to be missing homework submission. Sch work keeps them on their toes. -
slmkhoo\" post_id=\"2123901\" time=\"1701149595\" user_id=\"28674:
Exactly….the early years spent with them meant that they knew they had a certain routine to follow and that would mean finishing up compulsory work before RnR.
I stopped imposing rules by the time they were in upper sec or so. The discipline we imposed from the time they were small meant that they could manage for themselves by their mid-teens. Sometimes I might mention it if I felt they were spending too much time on their phones, but rarely.
I did comment that my younger ones weren’t hardworking but what can I say if their results delivered? I grew to accept that some kids just take longer or shorter time to process the same information or differing studying methods. -
MrsKiasu\" post_id=\"2123893\" time=\"1701148054\" user_id=\"43981:
Maybe you can consider looking forward. Not meaningful to dwell on past decisions, possible parallel paths or what-if.
One of my own main stress is whenever I think of why I let go of my career ..end of day both also 'don't have achievements'. Esp when we are not the young ones ie gave birth early then by the time go out again still young. Those kind of feelings not easy to overcome..well we can suppress but guess difficult to eliminate. Sometimes I gave up thinking abt it..will feel very light. But whenever I see those friends around me living exciting and purposeful lives, I will kinda of think..how nice if I have that too. Well, now can only think kids should be happy that I been around with them..dh has much lesser worries and able to focus on his job. For me, I will just maybe increase my passive income? Maybe that can be considered 对得起自己吧。。
Also, there will be things that may be beyond our control. No point stressing over it. 兵来将打 水来土挡
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