Me Time!
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slmkhoo\" post_id=\"2124264\" time=\"1701677186\" user_id=\"28674:
What can we do to avoid the trap of being \"naggy\" to our children? I think even if you choose your words so they can't answer with a yes/no answer, you can't avoid being seen as \"naggy\". But if you avoid talking to your kids, they might just think you are not interested in what they do and so don't tell you anything except the most important things.
...
So I also agree that driving is not necessary to have conversations with kids, and your drives are very short anyway. In my family, the good conversations happened either over meals, or after our family devotions (we are Christians) every evening. These were daily when they were younger, and reduced in frequency as they got older, but we still managed 3-4 times a week even when they were doing A levels. You can try to create some schedule for such opportunities too.
The other thing is to ask questions that they can't answer by saying yes/no/fine/ok! I got a good deal of that when they were teenagers, and my older girl still gives me those if I don't phrase my questions properly. So ask questions like \"What did you do during xxx lesson today?\", \"Who did you talk to during recess today?\" etc.
It's a tricky situation. I recall hearing a conversation between a P6 girl and her mother and it was so refreshing as they chatted like they were friends, and not just parent and child. I wished I could achieve that :love: -
MrsKiasu\" post_id=\"2124280\" time=\"1701708534\" user_id=\"43981:
What money? I want! I go check my bank account.
Received $$ from G already? I have received mine.
PS. I just checked. Wah... I'm rich
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ChiefKiasu\" post_id=\"2124283\" time=\"1701733617\" user_id=\"3:
It's starts with a good relationship, I guess. I might have been the mother you overheard! I've always been able to chat with my girls about anything, even when they were little, and still do now they are adult. I think the way not to sound naggy is to be genuinely interested in what they respond, not simply to check that they aren't doing anything you would disapprove of, or to lead into reminders to do something. I think it's symptomatic of something amiss if children regard genuine questions from parents as nagging. If a friend asked the same question, it would probably be regarded as genuine interest. And when we get together with friends, we do ask them about their work, interests and activities.
What can we do to avoid the trap of being \"naggy\" to our children? I think even if you choose your words so they can't answer with a yes/no answer, you can't avoid being seen as \"naggy\". But if you avoid talking to your kids, they might just think you are not interested in what they do and so don't tell you anything except the most important things.
It's a tricky situation. I recall hearing a conversation between a P6 girl and her mother and it was so refreshing as they chatted like they were friends, and not just parent and child. I wished I could achieve that :love:
As the older person, I take it as my responsibility to bridge the gap (the young person usually won't be motivated to) - so I do try to keep abreast of what's interesting to them, keep track of their friends' interests as well, share stories of my schooling days and other things that they can relate to, especially the incidents when I did something silly/wrong etc. They need to know that I've done my share of dumb things but recovered and survived. Asking them to explain modern-day buzzwords, fads etc also means that I understand their world better, and they get to show off to the \"old lady\"! I also spend time each week with a bunch of 30-somethings, and we get along fine too - with them, I also share stories of parenting and job woes, and offer advice if asked. -
ChiefKiasu\" post_id=\"2124284\" time=\"1701733711\" user_id=\"3:
What money? I want! I go check my bank account.
PS. I just checked. Wah... I'm rich
:rahrah:
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MrsKiasu\" post_id=\"2124279\" time=\"1701707538\" user_id=\"43981:
This is an opportunity for her to learn that you can't have it all. Get her to list down all the things she would like to do, and put them down on a timetable along with school days and other commitments. Mark out time for homework, regular revision, etc. Make a list of possible additional commitments (like additional tuition) and how much time and on which days they are likely to take place. Put those in a different colour on the timetable. Whatever her condition is, she will know how much rest time she needs, and she should be able to see if it can work. Based on what she can visually see on the timetable, work out with her what needs trimming.
Thanks esteema. Will let her decide. She has few likes. If she goes for this, she may need to forgo at least 2 other likes. She should be taking hcl. Though she doesn't like the tuition, she may need to go for it sooner than later. Double the number of subjects, not only time is not enough.. she needs to also endure pain due to her certain condition. It was already very painful for her when she was on lesser hours and number of days. This is going to be almost double. My heart will be in pain for not only seeing her enduring her pain but also her getting disappointed for seeing her other likes one by one, getting out of touch.
I think you may be overestimating the schoolwork load - the number of exam subjects may be double, but the basics of those subjects were taught in Pr school too. Now that she is older, she should aim to learn more during the lessons (less revision needed) and complete homework more efficiently. And learn to make use of free periods, dead time in school, etc. And as she gets older, her capacity for learning should increase too. If she continues to learn at Pr school pace, she will never manage sec school subjects.
Sec school is 4 years of learning how to cope better and independently. Sec 1 is the trial year - focus on supervising her in learning to be independent. You will need to tread a path between telling her what to do all the time, and letting her go unsupervised until she gets into so much trouble she can't extricate herself. By the end of the year, she should have learnt how much she can manage. If she doesn't learn this in Sec 1, then it's just going to be greater struggle as it draws nearer the exams at the end of Sec school. For this year, as long as she passes Sec 1 and gets promoted to Sec 2, Sec 1 grades are not terribly important; learning self-discipline and time management are more crucial for this year. -
Quite difficult for me to visualize her future work load now. Up to around P5 I would say she seldom do revision and I feel that she tried to finish her hw in school. Sec level will have many new subjects. But your suggestion is good…she will be able to see her remaining free days and gauge.
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Not sure if this applies to all sec schools or not, but there is CCAs standdown in sec school. Certain windows near exam periods are blocked from activities and trainings including all sports, unlike my time, never heard abt it before. This is very helpful for those heavily involved in CCAs. Uniform groups should be busy during school holidays?
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I fully agree with slmkhoo’s advice. It was what I have been doing in DS’ sec 1 year, and we came out strong and happy.
Made the most of this “honeymoon” year to provide a good scaffold & schedule for him to self-manage his schoolwork + other commitments. Gave him leeway to choose his own CCA, free time to hang out with friends (he didnt need a curfew), pick up new hobbies etc.
Still maintained a good relationship with him but consciously I transitioned away from the nagging/helicoptering parent & moved towards seeing him on more “equal” terms. Wording changed to: “Hey, are u free now? Do u have some time? Shall we do a check-in on how your various subjects are going so far in school?” And then I let him brief me while i keep quiet.
We had some small incidents where we did not see eye to eye, but our basis of very close parent-child relationship had already been built since he was a toddler, so we could always talk freely and frankly even through bad moods and i saw him maturing in his efforts to reach out to me first instead of just (previously) taking a self-centred role that is usual in pre-teens. -
00skyblue00\" post_id=\"2124292\" time=\"1701743554\" user_id=\"143605:
Our school’s CCA stand-down period is only for EOY. So during the termly WAs still have students in full training for NSG and SYF. Our UG not that busy, just 1-2 camps and 1-2 other activities during long holidays. Maybe upper sec will have more planning sessions as they take up leadership positions.
Not sure if this applies to all sec schools or not, but there is CCAs standdown in sec school. Certain windows near exam periods are blocked from activities and trainings including all sports, unlike my time, never heard abt it before. This is very helpful for those heavily involved in CCAs. Uniform groups should be busy during school holidays? -
MrsKiasu\" post_id=\"2124291\" time=\"1701738737\" user_id=\"43981:
Every child has different capacity and capabilities. You will have to judge if your child needs more time to revise her work. My husband is now doing a remedial Maths crash course with my Sec 3 nieces as they did worse than expected in just about all subjects (other people are dealing with the other subjects). The fear was that they lacked the Maths foundation, but he has found that they actually understand most of the Maths; what they mainly lack is practice, speed and the ability to see the \"trick\" in the more difficult questions. All of these can be helped by more practice. Their household does not emphasise doing extra work - just finishing homework is good enough. That worked in lower grades, but it's different in upper Sec. I hope they will take this message on board for next year and put in that extra practice. Unfortunately, their older brother doesn't seem to do much work but still gets good grades, but the girls are not of the same calibre. I've been telling them over the years about how hard I worked to achieve my grades, and how hard my girls worked too. Hope the message sinks in and they put in more work! They aren't heavily involved in anything else, so they really don't have an excuse not to.
Quite difficult for me to visualize her future work load now. Up to around P5 I would say she seldom do revision and I feel that she tried to finish her hw in school. Sec level will have many new subjects. But your suggestion is good..she will be able to see her remaining free days and gauge.
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