Me Time!
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a lot has to do with the internal force within the child eventually he or she has. Before that happens, before child figured things out, all the directive and external force can only achieve not amount to much. That is why guiding and helping our children to seek their purpose in life is more important. But it is also the toughest job. How to do we carry it out before that happens? There is no certainty which is the right way. What’s worse is, can we accept whatever they have found as their purpose is? Or do we hope their purpose falls within certain category?
I remember, my kid pri sch P asked the sch P6s classes the same question, quite timely before mid year. What are their individual goal in life? Most kids gave the same reply. To get good PSLE results to get into so and so schools. Near to none really knows what do they like to do. Heard that the P told their class, only one said something about he would like to design his own machine which can do … The whole class knew immediately who it was who said that without P revealing the name. It was during covid year so P talk to each class through online on the big screen. Kids were in their classroom. Some even called out his name. When kids have found passion, they shine brightly so everyone will know. I believe.
I dont remember having a goal at that age too when I was young. Or something that I really like to do for that matter. But I also dont recall someone ever really asked and I ever get to talk abt such topic opnely among everyone in class too. I think the exercise will leave some impression to the children. It sure did to mine and me.
The P then talk to them about how she studied law but turned to education and became a school P. My kid related everything she learnt in that session to me. -
Hard for them to forget the first-hand disappointment and helplessness experienced by the limitation of options as they filter (I did it on an Excel for easier analysis based on different criteria) the selection of schools based on PSLE COP.
Painful for me too, can only tell them crying is not meaningful as it does not solve anything. Think about what is the best way to move forward. Take a day out after settling everything to grieve if they need to. When the day is over, it is over and move on. And they need to always 勾践尝胆 from this experience so that they will not need to experience the same again.
Now that they are older, I got them to read the book "Anti-fragile". -
MrsKiasu\" post_id=\"2124489\" time=\"1701959954\" user_id=\"43981:
Courage, trust and believe not only in the kids but in yourself. Have some faith in your own parenting capabilities.
I really admire your ability to 'let go' and let them 'fly'. It is a good thing to do..I would like to be that kid too.. but for parents need lots of courage, trust and believe, I would think.
You know your children best. You can seek advise and opinions from others but you are the only one who is intimately involved in their upbringing and their day to day lives. Yes, looking outwards for opinions is necessary as we can get caught up in stuff and sounding it out with people who are not so involved can provide us some clarity.
Other people's way of handling their kids may not work with your kids. Heck, even with just DD and DS alone, within the same family dynamics, I have to handle them differently. What works with DD may not sit well with DS and vice versa. -
Liew Nga Wing\" post_id=\"2124494\" time=\"1701994317\" user_id=\"195250:[quote=\"Liew Nga Wing\" post_id=2124494 time=1701994317 user_id=195250]
Interesting thoughts. Maybe you can elaborate on what you mean by rules and regulations in this instance.
Home or family is not Prison Institutions, it is not necessary to have rules and regulations in place to ensure discipline is maintained.[/quote] -
Coolkidsrock2\" post_id=\"2124497\" time=\"1701999174\" user_id=\"48901:
Do you mean \"卧薪尝胆\"?
Hard for them to forget the first-hand disappointment and helplessness experienced by the limitation of options as they filter (I did it on an Excel for easier analysis based on different criteria) the selection of schools based on PSLE COP.
Painful for me too, can only tell them crying is not meaningful as it does not solve anything. Think about what is the best way to move forward. Take a day out after settling everything to grieve if they need to. When the day is over, it is over and move on. And they need to always 勾践尝胆 from this experience so that they will not need to experience the same again.
Now that they are older, I got them to read the book \"Anti-fragile\". -
Funz\" post_id=\"2124499\" time=\"1701999574\" user_id=\"6230:
1. Must reach home before 07pm for dinner
Interesting thoughts. Maybe you can elaborate on what you mean by rules and regulations in this instance.
2. Must go to bed before 1000pm
3. Parents can check and read kids handphone messages
4. Limited phone or screen time per day
5. Must be the Top X in class
6. Must go for tuition class
7. Must go University...Polytechnic also cannot -
Can I check what other pathways other than jC & Poly, with ultimate aim to getting a degree? Where else can we get a Diploma before we proceed to go for a degree. Last time we have friends taking LCCI etc but now almost never heard of it.
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00skyblue00\" post_id=\"2124495\" time=\"1701996707\" user_id=\"143605:
I'm from an even earlier era (PSLE in 1976!) when no-one talked about PSLE scores as they weren't revealed. No-one talked about role or purpose in life either; when we wrote compos about \"what I want to be when I grow up\", what most people wrote was doctor/lawyer/teacher etc. We were limited to what we knew and saw, and no-one actually asked what we wanted to do, or what we were interested in. My parents simply looked at my results and decided that I should aim to be a doctor - I was never consulted! I didn't really think about what they said, and just continued to do the best I could in studies, and only thought about the next step in school.
I remember, my kid pri sch P asked the sch P6s classes the same question, quite timely before mid year. What are their individual goal in life? Most kids gave the same reply. To get good PSLE results to get into so and so schools. Near to none really knows what do they like to do. ... When kids have found passion, they shine brightly so everyone will know. I believe.
I dont remember having a goal at that age too when I was young. Or something that I really like to do for that matter. But I also dont recall someone ever really asked and I ever get to talk abt such topic opnely among everyone in class too. I think the exercise will leave some impression to the children. It sure did to mine and me.
The P then talk to them about how she studied law but turned to education and became a school P. My kid related everything she learnt in that session to me.
By the time I was taking O levels, it had become clear to me that I was not cut out for sciences, despite getting good grades in them. When I decided that I wanted to switch to Arts stream in JC, I met with huge opposition from parents and well-meaning relatives and friends - you will not be able to find a job, you can \"only\" teach, you will lose out to all your doctor friends... I (and a new scholarship scheme) managed to persuade my parents that I wasn't committing academic suicide, and they then said \"you will be a lawyer\". By then, I had decided that I liked books and words, and thought that being a librarian would be wonderful, but I was an obedient daughter and decided that being a lawyer didn't seem too bad, and maybe I could eventually work in a Law library. But realising how unsuited my personality was for being a lawyer, I finally rebelled during my university years - I got my degree, but refused to go into legal practice. It helped that I was already going to be married by then, and my husband-to-be said \"do what you want\" even though that meant less money for us.
Given my own experience, I have never forced my kids to go into any particular course or career - but I have always encouraged them (and yes, imposed discipline and rules and schedules in early years) to do their best at their studies to increase their options. Discipline within reason of course - with reasonable time for their own interests, leisure and sleep. In my experience, only very few kids \"know\" what they want to be or become when they are young - I believe that parents should simply encourage them to do their best at studies and develop their interests, then let them follow their interests and inclinations when selecting between available options. I believe that imposing discipline and rules and schedules, and teaching them how to plan and have self-discipline, helps children fit more (whether studies or hobbies) into the time they have available, which benefits them in the long run. It doesn't mean they will climb to the top of their respective trees, but as long as they can earn enough and can live within their income, I feel my job as a parent has been successful. Neither of them has complained so far anyway! -
MrsKiasu\" post_id=\"2124502\" time=\"1702002286\" user_id=\"43981:
You go listen to the talks by HCI (International), SJI (Int), ACS (Int) lah. All my friends who sent their kids there, parents and kids happy plus can get into local Uni. However, if the IB results less than ideal (lower than IB 35yo), choice of courses will be limited.
Can I check what other pathways other than jC & Poly, with ultimate aim to getting a degree? Where else can we get a Diploma before we proceed to go for a degree. Last time we have friends taking LCCI etc but now almost never heard of it. -
Liew Nga Wing\" post_id=\"2124501\" time=\"1702001444\" user_id=\"195250:[quote=\"Liew Nga Wing\" post_id=2124501 time=1702001444 user_id=195250]
To me, 1-4 are reasonable depending on the age of the child. As a rule of thumb, I would retain those rules up to around Sec 2 (maybe bedtime can be later), and then relax them gradually as the child shows responsibility. And remove the rules by the time the child is in JC?
1. Must reach home before 07pm for dinner
2. Must go to bed before 1000pm
3. Parents can check and read kids handphone messages
4. Limited phone or screen time per day
5. Must be the Top X in class
6. Must go for tuition class
7. Must go University...Polytechnic also cannot[/quote]
5 - not a rule, just an aspiration, and parents can say whatever they like, but if the child can't, he can't!
6-7 - also not rules - and yes, I agree that parents do need to listen to the child's opinions about whether tuition helps, and what his aspirations are.
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