Living in Singapore

[Estéema]

MMM\" post_id=\"2130671\" time=\"1710302295\" user_id=\"1366:

Interesting topic. My personal belief is the definition of success is very wide and it is defined by ourselves. Was having this career conversation with someone more senior in terms of hierarchy. She is single, maybe 2 years younger than me and pretty senior. But do I envy her or think she is successful just because she earns alot more? Never envied her and will never... So long as she is happy and I am happy with what I have, that's more important.

At work, I would always encourage my team members in their late 20s and 30s to get married and have kids. I count our blessings that we had kids in our 20s so as we are hitting 50s, the kids are fairly grown up and retirement by 55 seems viable. Spoke to friends who got married/ had kids later and they are like... i need 10 more years than you before I can even think of retirement.

One thing that my bil said when my niece got married in her mid 20s which resonated with me was 成家立业 (First build your family followed by career) though this seems to be done in a reverse mode these days. While it sounds traditional, there's a lot of logic in it too. So I've been encouraging my kids to find the right one in uni (fingers crossed as depends on fate but alot are resorting to online dating app), build their career and don't settle down too late after they graduate. I was also wondering how we can help them with child minding (not every day as I think it's good to have our own me/ self-care time but maybe few days a week). It's sort of like giving back the benefits of what we've gotten from our parents when the kids were growing up. Would be more than happy to help support them where we can and i believed it's a win win situation.

I seem to be fine with 成家 then 立业 and will help with babysitting grandkids, but the young couple will hv to do their own parenting. I leave it to their choice to date early & trust they’ll work out their best ideals towards their future bldg together. It’s my wish for them to enjoy frdships & relationships early, that way they learn to connect themselves to the real world than the SM world. I wld prefer they learn to balance their studies & parenthood if they do chooses, o’wise to me, it’ll be better finishing studies before setting up family. It’s their choice tho.

I believe parent modeling is impt, so as to imbibe values that are tested and works towards relationships building than worldly pursuits & material gains. It has more to do with one’s Asian upbringing & our religious beliefs & values.

I’ve moved away fr corporate life, having achieved some success but had witnessed many fights in corporate arena & seen how the singles worked thro their nights to prove their mettal as well as those who send their kids to childcare (picking up way past 7pm and complain, as well as leaving them even on a Sat where not many kids are there at the childcare, just to do their spa or gym) and it sets my mind to raise my kids under my own supervision and hv a less stressful life away fr corporate. Im at peace actually & every single moment spent on kids are well worthwhile every perks, promotion or accolades I had to miss out.

I am concern how SM had grasp the young ppl of today. It is a fact they get info instantaneously but do they discern the value of those info that pops up?

In recent days, SIL has been much worked up struggling with niece on the upbringing of her grandchildren. She’s instructed to feed the baby every 6 hours & not let the baby oversleep! She was told not to hv the baby in the same room whenever SIL watches her K-drama, not to over-excite the baby, not to pamper the baby buying toys & gifts on her travels. Niece uses a parenting app to time her feeding, etc. My goodness! There’s no wisdom or discern applied at all, just app. I can feel her frustrations & angst!

[sharonkhoo]

Estéema\" post_id=\"2130694\" time=\"1710392314\" user_id=\"66413:

In recent days, SIL has been much worked up struggling with niece on the upbringing of her grandchildren. She’s instructed to feed the baby every 6 hours & not let the baby oversleep! She was told not to hv the baby in the same room whenever SIL watches her K-drama, not to over-excite the baby, not to pamper the baby buying toys & gifts on her travels. Niece uses a parenting app to time her feeding, etc. My goodness! There’s no wisdom or discern applied at all, just app. I can feel her frustrations & angst!

That's part of the reason why I won't offer frequent/regular babysitting - parents and grandparents will have different ways to raise kids, and it can be hard to follow someone else's way of doing things. I don't think following an app is necessarily unwise, and I was very scheduled in the way I did things (pre-mobile days), and would probably have used digital scheduling if it had existed at the time. I'm sure the kids will be fine. Mostly, it's just preference, but I will not be able to follow instructions if I disagree with them! I actually agree with the items in red, and I knew my mother would never be able to do that, so I preferred to care for my kids myself.

You also said \"but the young couple will hv to do their own parenting\" - I don't know how a babysitter doesn't also \"parent\". Some discipline and modelling is done through contact, so unless that contact is minimal, that adult will be \"parenting\" to some extent. I think it can't be helped - having someone else look after kids, especially young kids, will mean giving up some control.

[MrsKiasu]

I believe I will continue not able to discipline my grandchildren if they were put under my care. One thing I feel from my own experience, if we want our parents to care for the kids, we cannot//rather not so fair to tell them to sacrifice/change their life routine just for our kids…if eg my mom last time before social media time, she likes to watch drama after drama, if I want my mom to care for my kids I got to be prepared for that.

[Estéema]

slmkhoo\" post_id=\"2130695\" time=\"1710395797\" user_id=\"28674:

That's part of the reason why I won't offer frequent/regular babysitting - parents and grandparents will have different ways to raise kids, and it can be hard to follow someone else's way of doing things. I don't think following an app is necessarily unwise, and I was very scheduled in the way I did things (pre-mobile days), and would probably have used digital scheduling if it had existed at the time. I'm sure the kids will be fine. Mostly, it's just preference, but I will not be able to follow instructions if I disagree with them! I actually agree with the items in red, and I knew my mother would never be able to do that, so I preferred to care for my kids myself.

You also said \"but the young couple will hv to do their own parenting\" - I don't know how a babysitter doesn't also \"parent\". Some discipline and modelling is done through contact, so unless that contact is minimal, that adult will be \"parenting\" to some extent. I think it can't be helped - having someone else look after kids, especially young kids, will mean giving up some control.

I wld like young ppl to experience parenting themselves & not rely on others for regular babysitting if it can be helped.

We old foggies hv gone through it whilst young ppl do not realize there’s so much involved in feeding the baby, putting them to sleep, the mess when feeding toddlers, etc. To me, when a baby is hungry, they’ll wake for feeds, unless it’s way over feeding time. But to regulate & intentionally wake a baby for feeding might deny the babe their physical devpt time. If the baby still needs more feed, it’s ridiculous to follow an app alarm & pull the feed off! It’s not a great deal (too much excitement?) to laugh & tickle babies esp when they splash such cute lovely giggles! I can’t wrap my head ard this.

In the early years, we took it upon ourselves to feed & bathe our babies. Even when our, we will be the ones carrying the baby rather than leaving in prams or helper’s hands. As parents, we were extra careful with escalators or at roads crossings. We enjoyed our playtime at bathetime & hopping up stairs time, playground fun, skipping to childcare & stopping to admire fishes in a store aquarium, etc. Memories that’ll stay for a long long time. I had been looking back at some old photos last Dec when spring cleaning.

[Funz]

I was a ftwm so settling my newborn into a routine was important for me for when I go back to work. And at that time when I had DD, maternity leave was only 8 weeks. From the time that we got back from the hospital, I fixed her meal time, nap time and bedtime. Rest of the activities will have to be worked around those timings. Before she was 2yrs old, my parents helped me look after her and they understood and could see the merits of this method.


I know there are those in the ‘baby led’ camp, I lean towards the fixed routine camp. Sounds draconian but it makes life a lot simpler for working mums.

I do not see myself being a main babysitter for DD’s or DS’s kids since I am still running my business and do not see myself retiring anytime soon. Given the business that I am in though, DD and DS can enjoy free childcare if they want.

[Estéema]

Funz\" post_id=\"2130702\" time=\"1710402612\" user_id=\"6230:

I was a ftwm so settling my newborn into a routine was important for me for when I go back to work. And at that time when I had DD, maternity leave was only 8 weeks. From the time that we got back from the hospital, I fixed her meal time, nap time and bedtime. Rest of the activities will have to be worked around those timings. Before she was 2yrs old, my parents helped me look after her and they understood and could see the merits of this method.

I know there are those in the 'baby led' camp, I lean towards the fixed routine camp. Sounds draconian but it makes life a lot simpler for working mums.

I do not see myself being a main babysitter for DD's or DS's kids since I am still running my business and do not see myself retiring anytime soon. Given the business that I am in though, DD and DS can enjoy free childcare if they want.

Agree. Those who are FTWP, will hv to make alternative childcare arrangements. It’s not easy for FTWM.

I wasn’t very rigid abt my baby’s feeding time, mainly coz apart fr daytime feeding, my babies usually will doze off once appetite satisfied but eveningtime, will not sleep till daddy’s voice is heard home & they hv daddy’s cooing time. Nightime, I don’t hv big issue woken up by baby for feeding after last night feed. As a couple, we believe spending time with our babies gives them lots of sense of security & comfort. Initially, tough to give up my corporate paycheck but now assured all my sacrifices hv not gone in vain.

I know it’s tough for the young to juggle career & raising a family. I guess they’ll hv to find a balancing point that works best & know they can’t hv everything perfect. Wished my niece can appreciate SIL’s contribution despite not fitting perfectly into her ideal of baby care. Not nice to fight with the only family who is willing to give love & care for the grandchild. I doubt a helper can do as perfectly as wld hv expected.

Funz,
You and your grandchildren will hv the best of both worlds! Close supervision & a thriving bz that affords plenty of babies’ social interaction!

[lee_yl]

10 years from now, we won’t be comparing how many ‘A’s our children score but more like how many 宝贝金孙 we have??


I’m not greedy, if I can get to see 1 or 2 宝贝金孙, i am ok to leave this world.

I tested my DD2, she said she is likely to settle down before 35yo and have 2-3 kids. Wa, I really rejoice upon hearing that. But I scare by the time she is 35yo, it’s not easy to get pregnant.

Just wondering do girls who attend SAP schools 三从四德？Angmo 派 ones yearn for more freedom? My sample size is too small too reach a conclusion.

[bbbay]

We are still part of our children life, not on lookers, even after they grow into adults. We can be the silent supporter behind them. Like the comfort food whenever they need? Key is to willing to support them at the back ground. Maybe they will somehow feel the bliss of kinship amid the drama of their daily adult life outside. And it may change their outlook on the importance of family, willing to accept family is about sacrifices and tolerance and be happy to start their own family one day.

[lee_yl]

Something needs to be done urgently because for the first time in history, our nation’s birth rate fell below one. Below one means not even enough to replace oneself. Two at least can replace husband and wife.

[doodbug]

Need TFR of 2.1 for replacement 😀