Living in Singapore
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The first words which I heard from my eldest brother was why "Mother, why you have give birth to a sister who will fight with me for the resources in the family". The first question which I asked my mother was why I was not the single child in this family? Was it fair to me and my brother?
DS is a single kid due to the divorce of parents but he was not lonely and could always share his feeling with me and DH. -
ChiefKiasu\" post_id=\"2130736\" time=\"1710496122\" user_id=\"3:
Yes, this is for among us parents/adults/older gen, our wish. But the strategy is to get them into having the first one first. If go straight into the idea of having two, many may get put off immediately. Maybe.
I think the decision should be have zero kids or at least 2 kids. Having just 1 is being unfair to the child. I've known just a small sample of single child families and the overwhelming response is that the child is too doted upon which is bad for both the parents and the child. The child will mostly be a loner, with no sibling to share his fears and responsibilities. The child will be under enormous pressure to look after his aged parents by himself as time goes by. -
zac's mum\" post_id=\"2130723\" time=\"1710467525\" user_id=\"53606:[quote=\"zac's mum\" post_id=2130723 time=1710467525 user_id=53606]
This make me think of the discussion on a controversial topics, abortion when I was young.
There have been many such “have (more) babies” campaigns over the years. Maybe i noticed them more because my parents have always pointed them out when we watched tv together. These have not worked to change ppls’ minds. Babies are super cute yes yes, but no one shows the overnight crying and night feeds. Even if they do, the “story” always ends on a high note.[/quote]
For those moralist or some religious people, it is wrong because the foetus is a human life. But to me, it should be decided by the mother because it is her life, her body and her future. The mother will be the one who actually raise the baby not those moralists using their mouth to impose their moral standards on others. -
Liew Nga Wing\" post_id=\"2130745\" time=\"1710500437\" user_id=\"195250:[quote=\"Liew Nga Wing\" post_id=2130745 time=1710500437 user_id=195250]
I am pro-choice despite my religion. SG has many orphanages and children’s homes filled with kids who have been abandoned/neglected/abused by their birth parents. I do not believe for one second that it would have been better (for their lives and own wellbeing) to be born into this world. If the parent had made the wise choice, so much sadness & ruin could have been prevented.
This make me think of the discussion on a controversial topics, abortion when I was young.
For those moralist or some religious people, it is wrong because the foetus is a human life. But to me, it should be decided by the mother because it is her life, her body and her future. The mother will be the one who actually raise the baby not those moralists using their mouth to impose their moral standards on others.[/quote]
P/S: i do not see those in the “i love kids” camp helping to adopt/foster these kids either. -
No one can force any child to get married or have children. I guess, all we are saying is to be aware of the repercussions of their decisions and to keep an open mind. There is no need to fix on a certain path, to remain single forever or to remain childless forever, right from a young age somemore.
There will always be unfortunate events or people in the whole world, whether our children choose to not have children or not, there will still be kids or adults being treated poorly. Such tragedies do not stop just because we stop doing anything.
However, we as parents can do what we think is appropriate, to educate and give a nudge about what we believe in. Because children are children; they are only a blank canvas.
I believe in science and the laws of nature. Humans are part of nature, from birth to growing, marriage to children then death. But if one cannot have children, there is no fault in it too. One still can lead a fulfilling life without children. But having children is not for us parents. It’s for themselves. Many do not understand why get married, why have children. It’s too comfortable and easy to remain status quo. I know, coz i was from that group but fortunate enough to switch over. Through my child, i see what could have been for myself, why things turn out like they have, but likely would not have made different choices, not for many lifetimes.
When i was in labour in a foreign land, i thought of my mother what she had to go through to give birth to me, losing her elder son after a few days being born. It was like reliving my own birth. We witnessed our own births but never remember them. Through giving birth I "saw" my own birth but with consciousness this time.
There were similarities in my own birth and my child’s that I can learn from. That’s when I wished my mum had wrote a journal so I can read it.
I hope i get to slowly share all these experiences with my child. -
zac's mum\" post_id=\"2130747\" time=\"1710502528\" user_id=\"53606:[quote=\"zac's mum\" post_id=2130747 time=1710502528 user_id=53606]
I think it’s not a fair statement because not all “I love animals” camp people are vegan, they still eat meat.
P/S: i do not see those in the “i love kids” camp helping to adopt/foster these kids either.[/quote]
My daughter gave birth vs my neighbor’s daughter gave birth, I would think the level of joy experienced is different although I do love kids in general.
I came across two friends who are really in “I love kids” camp. One chose to be a preschool teacher because her kids are all grown up. I asked her why not be a foster parent, she replied that the thought of having to let go her foster kid for a new one every two years made her sad. The other friend was always seen hugging her 3 kids tightly like a Kola Bear. I asked since she has so much love, why not consider fostering, she replied she couldn’t as she knew that she would not be able to love other people’s children like her own. -
00skyblue00\" post_id=\"2130674\" time=\"1710305795\" user_id=\"143605:
Some time back, I did the same thing as mentioned above. I think persistent brainwashing will work.
But I will make sure i tell my kid, one choice is captive and not reversible after certain age. Want them to know at age 50 or 60, many friends will have own families and own circle, will be lonely. By then if start looking, all decent personalities and good ones will be taken. And let them be aware of cases of scam love stories. At young age, they may not understand what it really entails to be single by 50 or 60.
Initially DD1 would argue back that her friends are also single so she wouldn’t feel lonely because they could meet for tea/window shopping. So I told DD1 when her friends have their own famililes, their priorities will not be to meet up with her anymore.
要看孩子、陪老公。By then at 50s, DD1 would be too old to reverse her biological clock. She kept quiet and can see her in deep thoughts… -
lee_yl\" post_id=\"2130761\" time=\"1710556762\" user_id=\"17023:
If you are on the meetup app, there are lot of Singles gatherings and even single will not feel lonely in this new era. My DS is so lucky don't have a parents brainwashing him. :siam:
Some time back, I did the same thing as mentioned above. I think persistent brainwashing will work.
Initially DD1 would argue back that her friends are also single so she wouldn’t feel lonely because they could meet for tea/window shopping. So I told DD1 when her friends have their own famililes, their priorities will not be to meet up with her anymore.
要看孩子、陪老公。By then at 50s, DD1 would be too old to reverse her biological clock. She kept quiet and can see her in deep thoughts… -
I don’t think we need to do anything for our kids. When they meet the right ones, they should naturally want to settle down/get married. If they don’t and are open about it, then there are a lot of reliable dating sites. My colleague met his current wife (both same age) at 34 via a free dating app and already have a kid by 36.
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Liew Nga Wing\" post_id=\"2130764\" time=\"1710559097\" user_id=\"195250:[quote=\"Liew Nga Wing\" post_id=2130764 time=1710559097 user_id=195250]
If that were true, we won’t see so many love scam cases nowadays.
If you are on the meetup app, there are lot of Singles gatherings and even single will not feel lonely in this new era. My DS is so lucky don't have a parents brainwashing him. :siam:[/quote]
I hope some sensitivity could be exercised when writing in this forum. How would you like it if I were to say, my children are so lucky since they don’t have to live through a divorce to be brought up by a step-parent?
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