Living in Singapore
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MrsKiasu\" post_id=\"2130774\" time=\"1710568624\" user_id=\"43981:
Actually now that my kids are grown up, I did think of fostering. But unlike you, precisely they are not my own kids, I would treat them “less strict” and shower them more love (in case I hurt them as they might have some social issues from before). Maybe that’s why people say humans may treat outsiders better than their own family members.
Yes true, fostering is out for me..I m unable to give the same amt of love as for our own kids. With own kids, we could sacrifice anything and everything but not ...
Fostering is currently out as both of us are FTWP. -
Imp75\" post_id=\"2130782\" time=\"1710570534\" user_id=\"2358:
You are correct. We are not allowed to use corporal or harsh punishment kind of discipline methods on foster kids. So i would take a much more gentle approach with my foster kids too.
Actually now that my kids are grown up, I did think of fostering. But unlike you, precisely they are not my own kids, I would treat them “less strict” and shower them more love (in case I hurt them as they might have some social issues from before). Maybe that’s why people say humans may treat outsiders better than their own family members.
Fostering is currently out as both of us are FTWP.
I also agree with you on having a loving family environment will have more effect on encouraging our kids to want a similar family of their own when they reach the marriageable age. We have ongoing open discussions at home but i leave him to make up his own mind (with the important exhortation that he must discuss & come to agreement with his wife as well). For a working woman, there is huge sacrifice involved especially if not intending to hire helpers or put in full day childcare. He has benefitted from my sacrifice and is grateful for it. But i told him it will be rare to find a similar in his gen, unless he is earning double of his peers. Made him think. -
lee_yl\" post_id=\"2130761\" time=\"1710556762\" user_id=\"17023:
I will continue to share experiences and \"grandma \" old stories with kid. Share whenever timing is right but subtly. Agree that we cannot \"force\" or impose. But whatever we conveyed will stay in their minds consciously or subconsciously. And hopefully one day these messages will emerge and become useful at point of decisions making.
Some time back, I did the same thing as mentioned above. I think persistent brainwashing will work.
Initially DD1 would argue back that her friends are also single so she wouldn’t feel lonely because they could meet for tea/window shopping. So I told DD1 when her friends have their own famililes, their priorities will not be to meet up with her anymore.
要看孩子、陪老公。By then at 50s, DD1 would be too old to reverse her biological clock. She kept quiet and can see her in deep thoughts…
For upp pri, lower sec, we share our personal views on the different contestants in eg junior masterchef etc on TV. This boy... That girl....
Just a few moments ago, i tested water to make sure my kid has normal standards... Asking her if she noticed the good looking uni year 3 boy we met among the others at uni open house the other day. Very relieved that she did and agree. I told her, i was wondering if she even take notice and that her close girlfriend would probably hit her mum in excitement when she spotted one in same situation. She laughed in agreement.
We as parents can discuss openly with our children, showing that liking someone is normal. Then add on some sensible advices too.
I come to accept that my kid will not be the type to chase after someone,vs someone like her buddy. But i hope our conversations will open her mind and be more receptive and one day when chance/fate or the right one arrives, she knows and makes a wise choice.
When she is 18yo or older, i would encourage her to widen her social circle and go out with friends in big group, meet new people. That's all we can do. At this age, I would like her to be more conscious abt her fashon/hair sense, how she carry herself while not losing her own style. Not baggy tshirt and jeans everyday... -
zac's mum\" post_id=\"2130783\" time=\"1710572118\" user_id=\"53606:[quote=\"zac's mum\" post_id=2130783 time=1710572118 user_id=53606]
Some couples are willing to life simply in order for a parent to stay home. I have advised my daughter to live simply so that she will have the option for one of the couple not to work for periods of time to care for kids or some other reason. Not taking on a big mortgage and saving before the kids come will help too. The other doesn't have to be earning double.
But i told him it will be rare to find a similar in his gen, unless he is earning double of his peers. Made him think.[/quote] -
slmkhoo\" post_id=\"2130785\" time=\"1710573120\" user_id=\"28674:
Just me factoring in the possibility that the future spouse is “higher maintenance” lol.
Some couples are willing to life simply in order for a parent to stay home. I have advised my daughter to live simply so that she will have the option for one of the couple not to work for periods of time to care for kids or some other reason. Not taking on a big mortgage and saving before the kids come will help too. The other doesn't have to be earning double. -
I have a DD and a DS, so double standard - one's other half to earn double and the other's, a simple other half. :evil:
Used to watch 非诚勿扰 and 新相亲 with them to subtly test water on what they might look / not look for. -
zac's mum\" post_id=\"2130786\" time=\"1710573448\" user_id=\"53606:[quote=\"zac's mum\" post_id=2130786 time=1710573448 user_id=53606]
Must teach him what to look for!
Just me factoring in the possibility that the future spouse is “higher maintenance” lol.[/quote] -
slmkhoo\" post_id=\"2130788\" time=\"1710574091\" user_id=\"28674:
I teach him to live within his means (quite simply). And also to choose based on character first. But there’s no predicting eventual compatibility and we can’t get a perfect package ya?
Must teach him what to look for!
Eg i am ok with a simple wedding ceremony, but the in-laws may want an expensive hotel dinner or whatelse, and this is probably not a hill to die on, if they truly love each other.
Even now with friendships, he has certain friends i dislike (bad influence) and wish he spends less time with, yet this is not the age to be too “controlling”. There are other wonderful (imo) friends who keep wanting to hang out with him but he says he doesnt click much with them. He is given his own leeway to choose, as long as not detrimental choices. -
S’times it’s not in teaching our kids what to look out for & it’ll fall in place perfectly. Each child is different within the family, so there’re more diff characters out in social circles. Looking for one type is not synonymous to having a right partner or one that attracts u & fits one’s psyche.
It’s good to encourage our teens to socialize & hv frds of both genders. Let them observe & interact well in their different social circles. Actually, encourage them to be active in CCAs in sch & hobbies out of sch. When they learn more abt others & find a comfortable fit, they’ll know what they want & not want. I’ve always pep talk mine that in searching for that “ideal”, we’ve to build ourselves first to be the “ideal” for that someone special. Anyway, I parentheses the word coz I’ve also tried to teach them that there’s no “ideal”/“perfect” person to search for o’wise we’ll NEVER find that life partner! Every human hv some lacking of sorts.
From young, we hope to imbibe good values, habits, etc in our kids. To some extent, our youths will not just fall for some unsavory characters unless that person is such a great deceiver. It’s still impt to look at good characters as a priority and steer away fr those with attitude problems, but even in any interviews, we nvr 100% get the right candidate for, but we learn to nurture the willing learn with good aptitude. In that sense, I’m also not objecting mine to start associating with the opposite sex & date early. Hopefully, they’ll find true love & marry in their early adulthood whilst I can be around to support their intermittent childcare needs when called upon, as they build their life & careers.
To this end, I suppose recalling what my old dentist views that “the good ones get snap up early”. That I take it to mean couples who partnered early hv the benefit of early focus in loving & supporting each other, as oppose to one alr suffered the cares of careers & the stress of worklife and gets despondent with the meaning of earning keeps & trying to balance a social life later. I do hope DS, who hv recently started dating, will focus on bldg a strong relationship & sharing their likes & such when they chat or do things together w/o the care of careers, but sharing which direction they plan to head towards. I can see the gfrd now as she is & there’s no real need for her to be adorned in branded outfits or try to impress anybody with material appearances. I’m sure she’ll glow as well, so long as they build their inner beings well.
Of course, I’ve to prepare the young for changes in life & relationships. There’ll be joys & disappointments. Life gives & things gets taken fr us, but life is transient. We’ve to accept & learn to give some things up gracefully. We shall see. -
zac's mum\" post_id=\"2130789\" time=\"1710576161\" user_id=\"53606:[quote=\"zac's mum\" post_id=2130789 time=1710576161 user_id=53606]
Sounds like Zac alr exercising his choices of frds fr this young age. I’m sure the Lord will guide his heart.
I teach him to live within his means (quite simply). And also to choose based on character first. But there’s no predicting eventual compatibility and we can’t get a perfect package ya?
Eg i am ok with a simple wedding ceremony, but the in-laws may want an expensive hotel dinner or whatelse, and this is probably not a hill to die on, if they truly love each other.
Even now with friendships, he has certain friends i dislike (bad influence) and wish he spends less time with, yet this is not the age to be too “controlling”. There are other wonderful (imo) friends who keep wanting to hang out with him but he says he doesnt click much with them. He is given his own leeway to choose, as long as not detrimental choices.[/quote]
Early on in DS’s circle of frds, I heard some well-meaning fellow parents warning me that he’s spending unusual time with certain boys of bad inclination. I be some concern initially. I decided to hv a chat with him & it turns out that DS was aware but was hoping to build a good frdship with so-and-so to bring him to the right path. I decided to backoff hearing his goal and encouraged him to do what he feels he wants to contribute to his peers but encourage him to inform me whenever or whatever he is embarking upon. I knew in my heart I ought to give me more trusts.
Till today, it’s comforting he’s been updating me (s’times asking for permission to lunch or watch movie with his frds in groups & individuals) and when he officially started dating, he informed me (not asking me for permission). I like how he is growing up & maturing.
Maybe Zac is not just mixing with bad influence but trying to be that good influence mixed to uplift his peer(s)? Do chat with him.
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