Living in Singapore
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For now, 没遇上, can say anything "jokingly", so better say the necessary while they will still listen.
Is a thin line between 没错过 and 遇上了. 如果是还债的 then better 自拔 and be single. -
lee_yl\" post_id=\"2130958\" time=\"1710857129\" user_id=\"17023:
What do you mean by \"BGR\"? The term can cover a wide spectrum.
Oops, I must admit, I brainwashed my two girls over the whole of sec 4, no BGR in JC, no BGR in JC….
Told them I do not want to see them repeat A levels.
Such a dilemma, they have BFs too early I get worried, no BFs later on I scared + sad.
My cousin married his JC schoolmate after the two were paired up to do ballroom dancing during orientation. LOL.
I was more specific with my girls - we told them that we didn't think they were old enough at 17-18 to make serious commitments (they agreed!), so no committing themselves to any single person. We advised them to mix around more widely, which meant no single dates but to go out in groups. We told them that even if it so happened that they met someone they were quite seriously interested in and vice versa, they should not commit themselves to a serious relationship, but agree to revisit the issue after A levels if both were still of the same mind. In the meanwhile, they should continue to mix around more widely in groups (which may usually include that person they are interested in). A sensible child should see the wisdom going slow when they are at this age, and it still gives them quite a lot of freedom to see what's \"out there\". -
lee_yl\" post_id=\"2130958\" time=\"1710857129\" user_id=\"17023:
My aunt didn't like 2nd son in relationship back then. Her eldest was the most sensible and promising. Eldest was most compliant type i guess. 2nd sec was defiant type, only woke up in JC, she admitted his girlfriend now wife was good influence. 2nd son did well and got scholarship and in sought after course, now doing vert well in job. She regretted and was only chatting with me, not lecturing, no brainwashing intended. But this has sticked with me for quite a few years now.
Oops, I must admit, I brainwashed my two girls over the whole of sec 4, no BGR in JC, no BGR in JC….
Told them I do not want to see them repeat A levels.
Such a dilemma, they have BFs too early I get worried, no BFs later on I scared + sad.
My cousin married his JC schoolmate after the two were paired up to do ballroom dancing during orientation. LOL.
Sensible kids will know A level is paramount. That's why what slmkhoo shared is true, parents have to discuss and share these topics with children at appropriate time or age. If kid is flamboyant type, our talk should emphasise on consequences and responsibilities. If kid is reserved type, we have to change our approach. -
00skyblue00\" post_id=\"2130972\" time=\"1710894936\" user_id=\"143605:
To add on to what I earlier said: we also told our girls that, assuming they were going to go to university, it would be many years before they could actually marry, so there was no hurry to make a firm commitment. If it was the right person, the intention would last, and they could make a commitment during their university years if they were sure by then. After all, when they go separate ways after JC to different universities or courses, or one or both go overseas, the risk of drifting apart is much higher.
My aunt didn't like 2nd son in relationship back then. Her eldest was the most sensible and promising. Eldest was most compliant type i guess. 2nd sec was defiant type, only woke up in JC, she admitted his girlfriend now wife was good influence. 2nd son did well and got scholarship and in sought after course, now doing vert well in job. She regretted and was only chatting with me, not lecturing, no brainwashing intended. But this has sticked with me for quite a few years now.
Sensible kids will know A level is paramount. That's why what slmkhoo shared is true, parents have to discuss and share these topics with children at appropriate time or age. If kid is flamboyant type, our talk should emphasise on consequences and responsibilities. If kid is reserved type, we have to change our approach.
It's true that some early relationships can be a good influence, but they are the exception rather than the norm. And we told them stories from our own experience and memories how early relationships were likely not to last, so to avoid that kind of upset till they were older and more mature. Not that relationships formed later were guaranteed to last, but most JC ones didn't! -
Coolkidsrock2\" post_id=\"2130970\" time=\"1710891702\" user_id=\"48901:
无仇不成父子，无怨不成夫妻, kids may also be coming for 还债的 :yikes:
For now, 没遇上, can say anything \"jokingly\", so better say the necessary while they will still listen.
Is a thin line between 没错过 and 遇上了. 如果是还债的 then better 自拔 and be single. -
Liew Nga Wing\" post_id=\"2130974\" time=\"1710896166\" user_id=\"195250:[quote=\"Liew Nga Wing\" post_id=2130974 time=1710896166 user_id=195250]
I know, even my own existance may be to repay a debt. Am grateful for the grace and blessings. As much as possible, we also try to give back. Been taught from young 取之社会 用之社会 and teach the kids the same - to make a difference to another's life.
无仇不成父子，无怨不成夫妻, kids may also be coming for 还债的 :yikes:[/quote] -
We were one of those JC cases. Your dd can be bochup/don’t care type. If guy is persistent plus the same group of friends ‘acknowledge’ both are an item, she may naturally be led to think that she has a bf liao. Some can be so sensible and mature to separate the study from the newly acquired feeling. But for the first timers, first time in mixed school, without guidance from adults…may pose a little challenge. You can study most of the time but to be able to learn to handle both the puppy love feelings and A level within the less than 2 years period may pose a little problem. The good thing is both may know each other very well coz they went through an important phase of life together.
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Liew Nga Wing\" post_id=\"2130974\" time=\"1710896166\" user_id=\"195250:[quote=\"Liew Nga Wing\" post_id=2130974 time=1710896166 user_id=195250]
Why so negative one. Look at the good things from the relationships. Everything also has good and bad at different timing.
无仇不成父子，无怨不成夫妻, kids may also be coming for 还债的 :yikes:[/quote] -
slmkhoo\" post_id=\"2130973\" time=\"1710895617\" user_id=\"28674:
Yes, i know most first loves don't last and breakup can be painful esp first. I intend to mention it in my talk with kid.
To add on to what I earlier said: we also told our girls that, assuming they were going to go to university, it would be many years before they could actually marry, so there was no hurry to make a firm commitment. If it was the right person, the intention would last, and they could make a commitment during their university years if they were sure by then. After all, when they go separate ways after JC to different universities or courses, or one or both go overseas, the risk of drifting apart is much higher.
It's true that some early relationships can be a good influence, but they are the exception rather than the norm. And we told them stories from our own experience and memories how early relationships were likely not to last, so to avoid that kind of upset till they were older and more mature. Not that relationships formed later were guaranteed to last, but most JC ones didn't!
Agree that the general message should be to meet and know more friends, both genders in JCs. But no need to get into relationship, better to go out in groups.
Added:
And tell her, if someone behaving funny or she likes anyone, do share w me. -
There will always be external uncertainties that are beyond our control , that will influence our children. My life approach is, control what we can. And the most basic of all is teach children some form of self control/discerning. My approach is since young I told my children, not to be “obsess” with anything. That is my way of saying in term they can understand at their age then, to strike a balance in all things they do. When they become order , I change the word “obsess”, to try to approach to all thing in life with no craving for short term pleasure and no aversion to short term discomfort. Some may think it’s quite like “discipline”, “”pragmatic”, or any other words along this same line. That should put them in a relatively better state of mind to manage all uncertainties life throw at them, hopefully: Be grounded when something good comes their way; be balance when something bad comes their way. All things will then be “part of our life”
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