Living in Singapore
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There will always be external uncertainties that are beyond our control , that will influence our children. My life approach is, control what we can. And the most basic of all is teach children some form of self control/discerning. My approach is since young I told my children, not to be “obsess” with anything. That is my way of saying in term they can understand at their age then, to strike a balance in all things they do. When they become order , I change the word “obsess”, to try to approach to all thing in life with no craving for short term pleasure and no aversion to short term discomfort. Some may think it’s quite like “discipline”, “”pragmatic”, or any other words along this same line. That should put them in a relatively better state of mind to manage all uncertainties life throw at them, hopefully: Be grounded when something good comes their way; be balance when something bad comes their way. All things will then be “part of our life”
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Online dating is very popular these days. My dd1 whose friends are turning 23 this year and does not have a bf /gf yet are turning to online dating to get to know more people. I also know of quite a couple of people who married the people they met online.
My dd1 is very focus in school and such relationship concerns never pop up in secondary (all girls school) or JC. I used to wonder if she will eventually find someone especially when her friends/ my same age niece started dating, etc... She is on the tall side so finding taller guys can also be challenging. She eventually met her bf in the same cca in uni, he was 1 batch her junior and i think it's good so that they can observe each other in such school setting before going into a relationship. As parents, it was clear that the bf's mum and I are definitely very happy they found each other so we are just hoping they progress forward. She is graduating this year and has gotten a job. He is graduating next year and we have faith in his abilities.
Before she found someone, i would always sell the idea and encourage - basically pro family. So much so that my dh would comment that am I trying to \"sell off\" my dd1 so fast??? I personally believe that there is time for certain things. Once they start work, they will probably be too busy with work and sometimes those in work settings are taken so there are limited supply.... After observing what her friends are going through with online app, she recently told me that she felt lucky to find him. :xedfingers: :xedfingers: :xedfingers: -
MrsKiasu\" post_id=\"2130978\" time=\"1710902103\" user_id=\"43981:
开开玩笑，不用认真
Why so negative one. Look at the good things from the relationships. Everything also has good and bad at different timing.
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Liew Nga Wing\" post_id=\"2131013\" time=\"1710911745\" user_id=\"195250:[quote=\"Liew Nga Wing\" post_id=2131013 time=1710911745 user_id=195250]
Oh haha..that's good
开开玩笑，不用认真[/quote]
. The current 缘分as 家人 may not happen in our next life, if any. So must treasure every moment of it.
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slmkhoo\" post_id=\"2130971\" time=\"1710893167\" user_id=\"28674:
BGR - Boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. Hold pen not hold hands.
What do you mean by \"BGR\"? The term can cover a wide spectrum.
I was more specific with my girls - we told them that we didn't think they were old enough at 17-18 to make serious commitments (they agreed!), so no committing themselves to any single person. We advised them to mix around more widely, which meant no single dates but to go out in groups. We told them that even if it so happened that they met someone they were quite seriously interested in and vice versa, they should not commit themselves to a serious relationship, but agree to revisit the issue after A levels if both were still of the same mind. In the meanwhile, they should continue to mix around more widely in groups (which may usually include that person they are interested in). A sensible child should see the wisdom going slow when they are at this age, and it still gives them quite a lot of freedom to see what's \"out there\".
Same. Told them even if the boy is serious about you, he can & will wait for you till you finish your A levels. If he decides to go after another girl, it simply means he is not serious about you. I remember I saw my DD nodding her head upon hearing this. -
00skyblue00\" post_id=\"2130972\" time=\"1710894936\" user_id=\"143605:
For the boys I am not worried. Even at 40yr can still marry someone 28yo and have a few kids! But for females, above 35yo and have not given birth yet, may not be so easy to conceive.
My aunt didn't like 2nd son in relationship back then. Her eldest was the most sensible and promising. Eldest was most compliant type i guess. 2nd sec was defiant type, only woke up in JC, she admitted his girlfriend now wife was good influence. 2nd son did well and got scholarship and in sought after course, now doing vert well in job. She regretted and was only chatting with me, not lecturing, no brainwashing intended. But this has sticked with me for quite a few years now.
Sensible kids will know A level is paramount. That's why what slmkhoo shared is true, parents have to discuss and share these topics with children at appropriate time or age. If kid is flamboyant type, our talk should emphasise on consequences and responsibilities. If kid is reserved type, we have to change our approach.
https://www.8days.sg/entertainment/local/sora-ma-pregnant-826456
Actress Sora Ma just went for IVF at 39yo as she does not want to drag on anymore. -
lee_yl\" post_id=\"2131018\" time=\"1710915427\" user_id=\"17023:
Not all men in 40s want to match w 20s. Men or women, those who seek soulmates will have to compromise after certain age. Esp if he or she is the reserved type. I guess aunt can get intro from people but she mentioned, it will be some sort of compromised no matter what. People u meet in sch or uni will not be equivalent to those u meet in office or outside. She mentioned ppl asking abt family, address etc.
For the boys I am not worried. Even at 40yr can still marry someone 28yo and have a few kids! But for females, above 35yo and have not given birth yet, may not be so easy to conceive.
https://www.8days.sg/entertainment/local/sora-ma-pregnant-826456
Actress Sora Ma just went for IVF at 39yo as she does not want to drag on anymore.
But yes, women have more limitations, definitely. -
For most average teens, going into relationship in JC should be go movies or meals, chat online, study together, interest group, not sure abt hold hands,… Hopefully
Thinking abt marriage, should be after NS and university. -
00skyblue00\" post_id=\"2131028\" time=\"1710927427\" user_id=\"143605:
It's mutual, 你选人 人选你 to assess what you bring to the table. Beyond a certain age, some people will not spend time, energy or effort on 无花无果 things.
Not all men in 40s want to match w 20s. Men or women, those who seek soulmates will have to compromise after certain age. Esp if he or she is the reserved type. I guess aunt can get intro from people but she mentioned, it will be some sort of compromised no matter what. People u meet in sch or uni will not be equivalent to those u meet in office or outside. She mentioned ppl asking abt family, address etc.
But yes, women have more limitations, definitely. -
00skyblue00\" post_id=\"2131029\" time=\"1710927667\" user_id=\"143605:
I think each family draws the lines differently - it's probably better to spell out exactly what you approve or disapprove to avoid misunderstanding. For us, it was not so much about the physical manifestations since we already stated no single dates - we advised against a commitment to an exclusive relationship on the basis that they were too young to make such a serious decision. After all, they aren't even allowed to vote at 18!
For most average teens, going into relationship in JC should be go movies or meals, chat online, study together, interest group, not sure abt hold hands,... Hopefully
Thinking abt marriage, should be after NS and university.
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