Living in Singapore
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zac's mum\" post_id=\"2131365\" time=\"1711437095\" user_id=\"53606:[quote=\"zac's mum\" post_id=2131365 time=1711437095 user_id=53606]
No, I don't believe that \"everyone will excel at something, you just need to find it\". That is what some people like to say to combat the old view that people had to conform to a narrow view of success, or were judged failures, but that doesn't match what I see in reality. The reality I see is that some people will always be mediocre, or just plain weak. That doesn't reduce their value as human beings unless we only assign value based on contributions and achievements. Think of some of the autistic people you see in the news - you might say that they excel at filling jars or pasting labels, but really, the truth is that many non-ASD will be able to do the job just as well or better. Of course, there are some geniuses among those with disabilities, with really excellent skills, but they are the minority, not the rule. Rather than \"be the best in (whatever)\", I would say we should aim to be the best we can be, and not mind if we are not better than anyone else.
Mind if i ask what u mean by “not ever going to do well in any career”? Is it a matter of finding the right fit?
What if our country learns to embrace the diversity that individuals bring to the table, (whether in the workplace or society)? Can we not teach that in any given group of people, there are an assortment of strengths and weaknesses, but that working together as a team, we can leverage on finding the best type of collaboration to present the best outcome for the project (or whatever task/KPI is required). “May the best team win” versus “may the best individual win” kind of mentality. It may take humility from the academic top to admit that they need help from NT students in areas of EQ, for example. Bribery/favouritism is not necessarily the only option to meritocracy.[/quote]
Take myself as an example - I've done well academically by many people's measure, but I was never at the top, which is the only position that my father would consider \"good enough\". I don't think I excel at anything - but I'm happy that I'm fairly competent at the various things I do. For my daughter, I'm happy that she has a job that she copes with mostly, but she is by no means excelling. And there is nothing that I see that she excels in (maybe one day, but maybe not) - but she is fairly competent at a few things, and we take pride in that. As parents, we of course hope that she will discover that something she really enjoys and can be excellent in, but we accept that it may not happen. -
I do scold my kids and DD is the one who gets most of the scolding. I hardly spank either of them and only DD tasted the cane and that was only once. For me, caning or spanking is reserved for serious misbehaviour or actions that put themselves of people around them in danger. DD was caned because she cheated in a school test, think she was about 9 or 10yrs old. The caning was not done in a spur if the moment but something that we talked through with her and told her that will be her punishment and we explained why. We even had to go buy a cane specifically for that because we do not have any canes at home. It was just 1 stroke on her palm but she remembered that. DS remembers that too.
For DD and DS, we correct attitudes and behaviour but do not scold or punish for results. If results are bad due to poor attitude, it is the attitude that we address, not the results. Sometimes I wonder if I am able to say this because I do not have very high expectations for DD and DS where academics are concerned and both of them are not failing in anything. So I am able to not bother so much about results and just work on their attitude. But if they are failing I would have been stressed and may end up focusing more on the results than their attitude.
So for some of us, maybe we are fortunate enough to have kids who are 'easier' to parent than others. What works for us may not exactly work for others. -
@manorway, depending on what the role is, i would promote (to managerial level) the one who has the best skills at managing people, or (to senior executive) the one who has the most experience). But bonus all can get, if all pulled their weight to help the company to achieve the record profit.
@slmkhoo, maybe your definition and my definition of “excel in” are different. U seem to mean “top of the industry” or “top employee in xyz skill” but i think being able to do something well is excelling in it. So to me fairly competent (at eg shelving books in the library, accurately and at a reasonable pace) means suited to the job, as opposed to a mismatched job for someone mediocre or incompetent at the same task: someone who cannot or will not read the titles/call number in detail and just randomly shoves the books on shelves at a snail’s pace. May be more suited for a job that requires more patience eg working with elderly patients etc -
MrsKiasu\" post_id=\"2131347\" time=\"1711424517\" user_id=\"43981:
dd1 is very intelligent, according to your characters, cannot imagine how angry you would be if dd1 ran away. Would you run after her?
These may be cases of failing to send the message across?
I cane dd1 when very young but probably less than 5 times on dd2 coz dd2 very scared of cane..and one day when we talked abt it dd1 says she stand still not running coz she knows that mommy will get more angry if she runs. -
I was pushing my dd1 when she was in P3 to early P5 because there was a need there. When she started cruising on her own, I started to let go. That relatively short period of pushing was stressful. Over the years, over her bumpy road of schooling years, we started to find that we have come to much peace as to what they may be doing for their future. Dh been encouraging them to think more abt doing bz…asking them to think when at eateries, pet cafe etc. That is our base I feel…anything else they want to become is their dream.
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Liew Nga Wing\" post_id=\"2131377\" time=\"1711442444\" user_id=\"195250:[quote=\"Liew Nga Wing\" post_id=2131377 time=1711442444 user_id=195250]
Dd1 was very attached to me. She is the one who taught me a lot in terms of love.
dd1 is very intelligent, according to your characters, cannot imagine how angry you would be if dd1 ran away. Would you run after her?[/quote] -
bbbay\" post_id=\"2131342\" time=\"1711422793\" user_id=\"175278:
Yes, I and my brother went work during school holidays from secondary school, for me, I used to be a factory worker, a messenger of banks, delivery girl of DHL....and my brother was working as a cashier in Kentucky Fried Chicken. The reason why we came out to work so early - was because we did not want our parents to control us by not giving us money to spend and when we earned our own money, we had our freedom. :nunchuk:
Hmm… if I am the parent, I will make the children go work during school holidays from secondary school onwards. Let them experience for themselves knowledge increase productivity. If lack knowledge, the things they can do will be limited.
My children worked after their O level. One of them worked in 海底捞. And during J1 June holiday I ask him does he want to go back work part time, he said “it’s not exactly an easy job”. Another child worked in Popular book store after O level. The hours were long- 10 hours shift. He stopped working after 1.5 month, when the new year started. He said he wanted to chill abit, before JC starts.
Not saying with good academic results , working life will be a breeze. But holiday working experiences let them experience ahead, real world working life, and how knowledge play a parts in the experiences they can choose from, and if they don’t focus on studies, what could entail in working life ahead. -
zac's mum\" post_id=\"2131376\" time=\"1711441036\" user_id=\"53606:[quote=\"zac's mum\" post_id=2131376 time=1711441036 user_id=53606]
My measure of \"excel\" is pretty much like yours. But there are some disabilities that are all-pervasive - poor social skills, poor executive function, auditory processing, etc. I used to think that there would be a suitable jobs that she would find easier than others, but the reality I am seeing now is that social skills are really important - if you can't interpret other people's body language, or have poor EQ, it really gets in the way of coping with a job. Even jobs that are pretty much \"alone\" still require some negotiation with other people. Not being able to plan a task is quite debilitating unless you have someone who is willing to plan it for you and tell you step-by-step - and people get tired of doing this! And in the modern age, most jobs are not so repetitive - things will change now and again, so you do need to listen for changes to the plans and instructions. Poor auditory processing - can't catch things during meetings, misunderstanding instructions because you missed part of it, not doing something because you didn't hear the details... I guess I'm less optimistic at the moment as some of these issues are at the forefront right now.
@slmkhoo, maybe your definition and my definition of “excel in” are different. U seem to mean “top of the industry” or “top employee in xyz skill” but i think being able to do something well is excelling in it. So to me fairly competent (at eg shelving books in the library, accurately and at a reasonable pace) means suited to the job, as opposed to a mismatched job for someone mediocre or incompetent at the same task: someone who cannot or will not read the titles/call number in detail and just randomly shoves the books on shelves at a snail’s pace. May be more suited for a job that requires more patience eg working with elderly patients etc[/quote] -
Perhaps a text-based or task-based job, where all communications/instructions are via email rather than via spoken or discussion meetings. Eg translating a book/preparing summary or marketing blurbs about authors/collating and compiling research materials for someone…all minimal talking and work alone…just some suggestions.
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zac's mum\" post_id=\"2131382\" time=\"1711443942\" user_id=\"53606:[quote=\"zac's mum\" post_id=2131382 time=1711443942 user_id=53606]
Again, the social skills issues make this difficult - translating, summarising, marketing, researching - all these require quite a bit of social understanding and negotiations of meanings. We've not found that she is able to do that without help, and I can't be working alongside her now she is an adult.
Perhaps a text-based or task-based job, where all communications/instructions are via email rather than via spoken or discussion meetings. Eg translating a book/preparing summary or marketing blurbs about authors/collating and compiling research materials for someone…all minimal talking and work alone…just some suggestions.[/quote]
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