Living in Singapore
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slmkhoo\" post_id=\"2131492\" time=\"1711585358\" user_id=\"28674:
Yes you are right..it can be healthy or unhealthy..and differ for families. For our case, it was unhealthy coz we were stressed out. I myself felt like being pulled at both end between my own way/belief and to conform & dd1 was at the receiving end. She disliked being compared and she told me not to compare.. It took me few years to get over it maybe coz was trying to be a nice person don't want to be rude to ignore. Dh did pass a remark..err..this is 'friend?' yeah ikr but only after few years..this in a way can also say I m kinda repairing the damage done to dd1. I somehow feel this stage is for them to have their own pace to learn first, then the trying to their best ability and accept what is the max they can do will be next and hopefully these will come naturally. I think what a person can do best varies at different stages of life also..say now this is what dd can do best but at later stage may not be the same. I m also learning to be parent haha..trial & error lor
As you point out, comparing is not bad in itself. It's when a person compares and lets it affect his self-esteem that makes it negative. When comparison causes him to belittle others (if he's better at something) or get anxious and depressed (if he is worse at something), then comparison is bad. But if like coolkidsrock2, comparison is for awareness of what is out there, and possibilities of improvement, that I think is healthy. There is a balance - at some point we have to come to terms that we have tried our best and are not likely to improve further; but if we don't know that there is more to learn/achieve, we may not even try. For our kids, we have to coach them to learn how to reach and accept that kind of balance. -
Imp75\" post_id=\"2131495\" time=\"1711589048\" user_id=\"2358:
You can't change everyone else, but you can change how you react to it. I'm not sure that feeling pressure is necessarily due to pride - it's just as likely to be due to poor self-esteem disguised as pride. We told our kids to change the focus of their pride - to be proud that they have done their best, or improved, etc. We had to learn this mainly because we have such different kids that we had to frame it in a way that wouldn't demoralise the weaker one totally. But we found that it's healthier even for the stronger student.
Even if parents don’t compare, somehow the Sch envnmt will. The peer pressure within the Sch system is quite real esp for top schools. For those who bochup it’s ok. For those who hv a strong pride will feel self-initiated pressure. -
That’s why I feel that if we are already living in Singapore, the society and school environment are already enough to make our children realised (sooner or later) the importance of pursuing academic excellence, at least trying. Since our education system is set up to shape our next generation into fixed pigeon holes (loss of freedom, individualism and creativity), we can hope our children fit well but if they don’t, don’t fret. We parents can enlighten them on the bigger picture in life. We can choose who to associate with so our children’s self esteem will not be undermined by some unimportant random people in our lives.
Having lived overseas, i can say that majority of our children are above average level in studies if we teleport to another space. In overseas where i lived, yes they have very brilliant people in the top group (sadly we cannot compare our top with theirs, that’s why Singapore unlikely to produce nobel prize winners ) but many are at the bottom, the middle group may not be comparable to our children in terms of numbers. So if a child is in top 40% in Sg, actually he is doing great. IMHO, unless one is in top 3% (above 5, arbitrary choose 3), anything can still happen for those in-between.
Please do not ask me for verification on the numbers, the above is only based on sensing. -
slmkhoo\" post_id=\"2131493\" time=\"1711586520\" user_id=\"28674:
The report about Singaporeans having the highest happiness index in Asia seems to have irked many Singaporeans. What an irony. 😂
I still don't quite understand what people mean by \"happiness\" for the purposes of the survey. It seems very subjective, and will differ from person to person, depending on their worldview and values. For e.g., some people may feel unhappy as long as there is someone richer or more powerful than they are. Another person may be happy to have a median income and low debt. So what conclusions can actually be drawn?
On happiness - some extra food for thought:
In the happiness debate, sometimes the middle ground is where life feels fullest
https://www.channelnewsasia.com/commentary/singapore-happiness-top-asia-content-being-average-4225161
Just some months back, I recall reading an article by CNA that youth suicide rate went up again. And another recent article saying more and more elderly are experiencing loneliness and isolation, and it will get worse in 2026 as we enter into a super aged society. Many elderly also refuse to seek treatment especially for mental health issues. :roll:
But I notice these constrasting reports have something in common. The super unhappy ones those are in the work force, facing long working hours, high stress and having to buy their 1st property at ridiculously high prices compared to the (generally) older generation here.
Personally, I have a rather high happy index so I can’t say the happy index report is rubbish. So I guess, it depends on the individual and not right to lump everyone here as happiest because I have seen some older relatives sick, poor, and worst, kena scammed of their life savings. -
for myself (not too sure with dh , havent share nor ask him yet) i hoping to work towards this, at least i feel happy reading this paragrah.
(Of course, your purpose need not entail solving world problems. However, being average doesn’t limit your capacity to make significant contributions. It might be as simple as being the best parent you can be, spreading kindness in your community, or bringing laughter to your friends.
It’s about waking up each morning with a sense of gratitude and going to bed each night with a feeling of accomplishment, no matter how small.
In embracing your average, you might just find your extraordinary.
Tan Chin Hock is the author of It’s Ok To Be Average: You Can Still Lead A Purposeful Life and the founder of social enterprise Holdinghands Studio. )
the other parts the article makes me feel stifle living in sg/the competitive society; demands in work, family, the transition into adulthood, married life, aging health etc
I heard in China, the senior really "aged gracefully" no need to come out n work, but engage in other active life then who will or how to support their life style , medical etc? is this true -
MyPillow\" post_id=\"2131511\" time=\"1711595686\" user_id=\"70594:
I may be out of date, but I believe that they have a pension system - from 55yo for women, and 60yo for men (not sure I remember the ages correctly). It's not large sum, but I think it's supposed to be enough to live simply. I think we will get more (relatively, not just in foreign exchange) from our CPF Life. There are medical benefits for seniors too. But things are changing and seniors are likely to get even less:
I heard in China, the senior really \"aged gracefully\" no need to come out n work, but engage in other active life then who will or how to support their life style , medical etc? is this true
https://edition.cnn.com/2023/03/31/economy/china-pension-protests-aging-society-intl-hnk/index.html
It's all to do with expectations. No country provides pensions equivalent to a professional's salary, or A class medical benefits. If people want that and can't have it, they will be unhappy. If people accept that, then they can be content. To me, as long as basics are met, \"aging gracefully\" is to be content and pleasant about it, and not being bitter about not having luxuries or constantly complaining. Of course, there are people who have got used to living more luxurious lives, so what is publicly provided seems like abject poverty, and they are unlikely to be \"graceful\" about it. -
MyPillow\" post_id=\"2131511\" time=\"1711595686\" user_id=\"70594:
This generation city dwellers because the working adults are paying for the retirees. The working adults today will suffer because there won’t be enough workers to fund their retirement
I heard in China, the senior really \"aged gracefully\" no need to come out n work, but engage in other active life then who will or how to support their life style , medical etc? is this true
And of course, the villagers don’t benefit at all
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MyPillow\" post_id=\"2131511\" time=\"1711595686\" user_id=\"70594:
I guess 看得开 or not, it has to do with age also?
for myself (not too sure with dh , havent share nor ask him yet) i hoping to work towards this, at least i feel happy reading this paragrah.
(Of course, your purpose need not entail solving world problems. However, being average doesn't limit your capacity to make significant contributions. It might be as simple as being the best parent you can be, spreading kindness in your community, or bringing laughter to your friends.
It's about waking up each morning with a sense of gratitude and going to bed each night with a feeling of accomplishment, no matter how small.
In embracing your average, you might just find your extraordinary.
Tan Chin Hock is the author of It’s Ok To Be Average: You Can Still Lead A Purposeful Life and the founder of social enterprise Holdinghands Studio. )
the other parts the article makes me feel stifle living in sg/the competitive society; demands in work, family, the transition into adulthood, married life, aging health etc
A young adult in his 20s would want to work 9am to 12am so as to showcase his ability to his boss in order to climb the corporate ladder. Would yearn for bigger car or bigger house. By the time one hits 50s, no promotion, no big car, no big house, material pursuits no longer that important in life. Be grateful we still can wake up every morning. So Already 看开了？ 😂
I find that if one has enough money in the bank, one’s happiness level is usually higher. :siam:
I have seen couples divorce/quarrel over money. I have seen seniors gave up medical treatment because of high costs. -
Yea 看得开 I find looking at what is more important in our lives, can relieve quite abit of stress, at least for me.
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I believe in China, they still hv social scaffolding in the form of national insurance that covers a variety of needs (similar to our CPF) - for medical, min unemployment, etc. This was adopted after open up & DengXiao Ping engaged with our leaders. The older generation will still hv their pension at covers even winter needs for pymt towards energy warm themselves. They had housing provided by their
单位. The younger generation will hv to work to purchase their own roof. Many of my ex-colleagues wld return to hometown in China to get their treatment as they cannot afford the fees here even as PRs. My ex-neigbour is now waiting for her son to complete his IB studies & trying to time her brain tumor op till then, despite my ‘pressuring’ her to get early treatment. Somehow, she believes in using china’s treatment despite having family medical insurance cover fr her husband’s company setup here.
She claims to be happier back in China. I guess she feels lacking in SG. Afterall, land space here isn’t sufficient for her entire clan needs. She pride herself with the large garden of organic edibles she tend to & laments my floor area for produce in the backyard whilst her front pouch is beautified with artefacts. I acknowledged not every PRC will hv a garden, and I believe with their lack lustre economy fr the past glory, live will be harder for the younger generations.
For me, I believe in being contented and rejoice when I have & live down to earth lifestyles even when we have. DS just texted for opinion of a $30 Uniqlo cap vs a $5 Decathlon one for checking out camp. Highlighted to him the poor workmanship of the Decathlon version but he said only for a short period use. I guess much as though I tried to give the best for our kids, s’times they just absorbed our habit of not chasing the brand or fashion of things. He wld buy materials to create artwork for his gfrd as keepsakes, rather than buy trinklets or such, & prefers to cook her meals or bake than sit at restaurants with waiters ready to collect cutleries & all. They’ll spend hours writing out their profile after a meal together & work on their interviewing skills. Hope he’s not becoming a miser, but use his resources wisely.
Being practical requires one to accept living contently, can afford but no need to splurge esp on things that are very transient. Save for impt things we need to spend on.
Guess we learn to manage our needs with what we have and use what excess we have for meaningful endeavors.
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