My child gets labelled as ‘lazy’ or ‘careless’ at school, but I think it is an attention issue. Any advice on how to help him without affecting his self-esteem?

[WeilingTan]

My 8-year-old is often called out by his teachers for not finishing work or making “silly mistakes.” But when I sit down with him at home, I see that he actually understands the content. He just tend to lose focus halfway through or skips questions because he got distracted. I am starting to think this is more than laziness or carelessness. It’s affecting his confidence too… he is started saying things like “I’m not good at school”. I want to support him, but I am unsure what kind of help is appropriate. Has anyone found any solutions that don’t make the child feel like there’s something wrong with them?

[zac's mum]

@WeilingTan said in My child gets labelled as ‘lazy’ or ‘careless’ at school, but I think it is an attention issue. Any advice on how to help him without affecting his self-esteem?:

My 8-year-old is often called out by his teachers for not finishing work or making “silly mistakes.” But when I sit down with him at home, I see that he actually understands the content. He just tend to lose focus halfway through or skips questions because he got distracted. I am starting to think this is more than laziness or carelessness. It’s affecting his confidence too… he is started saying things like “I’m not good at school”. I want to support him, but I am unsure what kind of help is appropriate. Has anyone found any solutions that don’t make the child feel like there’s something wrong with them?

Our education system rewards the kids who have longer attention spans & enjoy written work. These are typically the females, not males (as corroborated by the many students I have tutored 1-1 in recent years).

Until the system changes (wait long long), what you can do (as I have done with my own son) is to build his mastery & confidence outside of schoolwork. You can also reassure him of your unconditional love that is not based on his performance in academic things. Then he will realize that school work is not the only measure of how other people judge him.

[zac's mum]

@WeilingTan said in My child gets labelled as ‘lazy’ or ‘careless’ at school, but I think it is an attention issue. Any advice on how to help him without affecting his self-esteem?:

My 8-year-old is often called out by his teachers for not finishing work or making “silly mistakes.” But when I sit down with him at home, I see that he actually understands the content. He just tend to lose focus halfway through or skips questions because he got distracted. I am starting to think this is more than laziness or carelessness. It’s affecting his confidence too… he is started saying things like “I’m not good at school”. I want to support him, but I am unsure what kind of help is appropriate. Has anyone found any solutions that don’t make the child feel like there’s something wrong with them?

Nevertheless I have taken concrete steps to prolong his attention span:

• cut out screen time on devices
• sit with him during homework/revision time, and bring his focus back to the written work when he drifts off
• increase the length of revision periods gradually
• eventually teach him skills/techniques to self-remind to focus. This is needed in exams when parent is not there to assist
• sometimes the school work is simply too dry or boring to them. Younger kids may be incentivized eg if i put a gummy bear (or healthier snack) at the end of each sentence or paragraph that they need to read
• praise any improvements (wow, i noticed u were extra careful with that math working, u checked twice!) & minimize criticism especially words like “careless”
• do seek ADHD evaluation if u suspect child is unable to regulate after trying all the above

[sharonkhoo]

@WeilingTan said in My child gets labelled as ‘lazy’ or ‘careless’ at school, but I think it is an attention issue. Any advice on how to help him without affecting his self-esteem?:

My 8-year-old is often called out by his teachers for not finishing work or making “silly mistakes.” But when I sit down with him at home, I see that he actually understands the content. He just tend to lose focus halfway through or skips questions because he got distracted. I am starting to think this is more than laziness or carelessness. It’s affecting his confidence too… he is started saying things like “I’m not good at school”. I want to support him, but I am unsure what kind of help is appropriate. Has anyone found any solutions that don’t make the child feel like there’s something wrong with them?

I guess you haven’t taken him for an ADHD assessment? I understand that you don’t want to do that too quickly, and want to see what you can do yourself first.

ZM has provided a good list of tips. I would add - see if you can talk to your son’s teacher(s), particularly the ones that are making more negative comments. Say that you know that he is not as focused or whatever as some of the others, but that you are working on it at home. Also, say that he is losing confidence, and see if you can persuade them to not make so many negative comments. They may be willing to do this if they know that you are working on it also.

At home, try to help him see that everyone is different - point out some of your own inclinations or weaknesses and show him how you deal with them to get things done. I know you don’t want him to think there is something wrong with him, but at the same time, you need to help him understand that there are some things he finds harder than to do compared with others, and other things he may find easier. Encourage him to practise the habits which will make his work go more smoothly and quickly.

Hope this helps.

[LouisLL]

I totally agree with @slmkhoo and @zac-s-mum - You should bring your child to go for an ADHD assessment, no harm in that! If you want an alternative, maybe you can check this out.

My 9-year old son also went through similar a phase. He was constantly being scolded for making “careless” errors in homework and exam, but I realised that those were actually signs of poor sustained attention. Then a friend recommended NeuroKokoro+ Programme. It is not a tutoring programme, but rather a brain training system that uses neurogames and real-time brainwave data to help kids improve attention span.

What I liked is that it does not feel clinical or corrective, it like a fun computer game. After a few session, his confidence grew because now he has been making lesser mistakes and so does his teachers.

If you’re interested, I will recommend checking out their site: https://www.kecparkway.com/copy-of-neurokokoro