The Big Caning Poll
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tamarind:
Ha, ha.. I like that. If only I have the discipline and determination to carry it out...
For children who do not want to study, I guess we can simulate the type of life that they will live in the future. No TV, no toys, no sweets, and cannot afford to go out to anywhere. Remove all furniture from their room, leave only a mattress. Food is only some rice and vegetable. Let them feel hungry for a few months. Let them experience how the poor people live. I feel that this will be more effective than caning. -
Well for one, my mum caned us when we were young. Cannot remember the details except one where something went wrong and all need to be punished. Mum made all four of us queue up. She will starts with the eldest than down the line. No 3 in the family cannot bear to see the elder two got caned and plead with mum to cane him only. Condition: told mum to cane him ‘not too hard hor'. In the end, Mum ended up scolding us and letting us off (later found out that she was bursting with laughter and had to stop quickly). Well, at least, caning brought out the love of my sibling.
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1. I do cane my son when the he is rebellious or acts against the any specific instructions given to him but never for mistakes or accidents that he had not intended to happen. Even if it meant accidentally breaking an expensive glassware.
2. So far I have never caned him in front of others even when we are home with mummy and grandma present. He will be pulled into his room where his cane is hanging there :evil: There is usually a stroke or two at his upper thigh / lower bum area... When we are in public area, he will be pulled to a pte area (eg public handicap toilet) out of sight of others when he is out of line and he gets a tight spanking on his palm, never on the face.
3. In all instances, he will cry and then apologise. This is followed by a hug and telling him that I still love him but he should be more obedient and be a good boy.
4. Being the imperfect parent that I am, I of cos have made the cardinal sin of threatening to cane if he does not go about doing the things we wanted him to do
And of cos there were moments where he'll test my patience to the brink where I felt like giving him a tight slap across his face at that very moment... Thankfully for him, in all of those situations, I managed to retain my sanity and composure not to have inflicted pain onto him whilst I myself am still not in the right frame of mind to do so. -
There is a little boy who lives next door, he is almost 3 years old. For about 2 years, he was taken care by his maternal grandfather from mainland China. We often heard the grandfather spanked him really hard. I felt very sorry for the little boy. He is a very well behaved boy by nature who does not need any spankings.
A few months ago, his maternal grandfather went back to China. His paternal grandmother from Malaysia came to take care of him. She never spank him. The little boy is still very well behaved, which I believe that he always have been. He is now much happier than before.
I believe spanking is totally unnecessary. -
I did tried beating the hand before but I find it totally ineffective. So now, just time outs, which sometimes results in him being close to tears too so I guess it works better for now.
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I grew up from a childhood whereby spanking is very normal.
I always remember when I was in P5, my position dropped from 3rd to 11th in the class. That beating was a marathon one. From cane to hot water, from living room to kitchen…
But that did not turn me into a physco. In fact, I thank my mum from bottom of my heart. If she is not strict at me, I might not turn to the one I am today.
So, I believe rod is necessary for kid.
Having said that, strange enough, I never spank my kid.
But I will raise my voice and instill punishment such as stand in the dark room.
I always believe discipline of kid start from age 1.
Never leave a kid out of control, beyond 3 ys old and he/she is a goner. -
ttyh:
Hi ttyh, the question is whether you actually benefitted from that beating, or if you had punished yourself even harder so that you will work harder to do better next time. I'm more of the opinion that spanking only creates more stubborn and rebellious children, especially if it is indiscriminately used (eg. for underperformance in studies). It is necessary to discipline our children, and inflicting pain is but one of the many tools available to us parents.I grew up from a childhood whereby spanking is very normal.
I always remember when I was in P5, my position dropped from 3rd to 11th in the class. That beating was a marathon one. From cane to hot water, from living room to kitchen... -
I too believe different strokes for different kids and I agree with csc if spanking is required, communication has to go hand in hand with it.
Whether spanking is required depends on the child and situations. Some children respond to punishment better and remember it, without grudges of course while some can be reasoned with and no spanking required at all. Some scenarios require spanking, some don’t.
However, spanking should only happen when a child can understand, yet choose to defy. For my kid, before 5YO, I didn’t discipline by spanking and my hubby found me too patient. However after 5YO, for repeated frequent bad behaviour(like puking after meals for non-fave food? not a medical issue but a deliberate effort), I would when reasoning did not work. Of course it cannot be loosely exercised and should not be a vehicle for adults to vent anger. It must serve its purpose as a deterrant of lousy behaviour. I did not have to use it for long but it had served its purpose. It must also not be used for academic underperformance, that I will not agree.
It is also a phase…after a while, spanking becomes history when they outgrow their most annoying bad behaviour. -
ChiefKiasu:
Actually the question is if my mum adopted a different approach that time, would I be a different man today? But I guess I will never know.
Hi ttyh, the question is whether you actually benefitted from that beating, or if you had punished yourself even harder so that you will work harder to do better next time. I'm more of the opinion that spanking only creates more stubborn and rebellious children, especially if it is indiscriminately used (eg. for underperformance in studies). It is necessary to discipline our children, and inflicting pain is but one of the many tools available to us parents.
Anyway, those were in the 80s.
In this era whereby technology, information is so advanced, punishment method has to change accordingly. Although I believe in rod, but it will always be my last resort. -
I’m a firm believer of the rod for correction.
However, when I tried that with my first born, it backfired.
He became much more mean and disobedient, after spankings or canings!
He even tells me he wants to buy a cane for meimei (younger sister) to discipline her!
Anyway, he tends towards the eat-soft-no-eat-hard (chinese) approach, so my hubby and I agreed we will discipline him through reasoning first.
In the end, it works out better for us that we bring him away to a private place (the toilet), wait for him to stop crying/fussing (sometimes i hug him to calm him down first), explain what was the wrong thing he did, make sure he understands and finally agrees with our reasoning, apologise and then mete out the punishment (usually either a spank or two on his upper thighs or his palms, depending on the severity).
But my take is still, if the punishment is required, then whatever I do, it must "count"! So if I had to spank him, I make sure it hurts, so that he can remember the incident and the next time he tries to repeat, I will remind him of the punishment/hardship he endured previously.
These days, thank God, he doesn’t act up so often and I don’t always have to punish…I usually just ask him "do I need to punish you?" or "do you want to go to the toilet with mama" or "mama wants to talk with you in the toilet" and that usually works out.
So, the cane had been banished from the house…but I wonder if I need to "reinstate" it for my daughter?! :!:
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