1 in 10 S’poreans do not have close friendships

[thebottomsupblog]

Thanks everyone for chiming in!

I used to think that there should be a minimum length of time that we know someone, before we can even think to call them “close.” So sometimes I’m taken by surprise if I’ve only known someone a few months and they’re already suggesting that we’re “close enough” or “close friends.”

But I agree with @HNS2015 that closeness can be shaped by shared vulnerability, I’ve also experienced feeling close to workmates at a workplace within a few months, because we felt vulnerable and banded together.

@randomblackore How old are your kids?

I’ve only had much more time for friends in recent years, now that my youngest is 14 going on 15! It’s really refreshing to be able to head out and hang out again, and do things like watch movies I have my younger friends (20-somethings, 30-somethings) to credit for this — they have some habits that are new to me, like short-notice meet-ups, the so-called “casual hang” where we co-work together or even do random things like trips to the supermarket/laundromat, and checking in every month to say “hey, what are we doing?” In contrast, my Gen X friends are less free + need more prep time haha!

@sharonkhoo In terms of what we would do for a friend, in my experience, it’s sometimes easier to be the “best friend” rather than “close.” As best friend, it’s clearer that we are the default support person, whereas with others, I’m not quite sure what my exact role is, although I want to be there…

@Wonder-ful My husband also prefers to have a small network — he too has just one very close male friend, and most times he prefers to go out jogging/cycling by himself, or join me and my friends! I think if one doesn’t feel lonely, that can work very well too.

[HNS2015]

@sharonkhoo I agree. On second thought, “close” can be quite one-sided at times. Feeling close enough to offer help doesn’t always mean the closeness is mutual.

[HNS2015]

@thebottomsupblog Yes,shared vulnerability can shape closeness quite quickly. When people go through a challenging season together — like you have mentioned at a workplace. The sense of openness and mutual support can happen within a relatively short period of time.

[MsHuppy]

I am blessed to have many friends through my wide circles, but only a small handful are truly close friendships that have been built and tested over many years. I don’t need to meet my friends frequently to feel secure in these relationships; I know these close friends will cheer me on, support me, and never judge me. They accept me as I am.

That said, I don’t consider connections maintained purely through social media as close friendships. For me, closeness requires real presence, making the effort to meet, spend time together, and connect face to face. It is through these in-person interactions that trust deepens and relationships grow.

Likewise, as a friend, I believe in showing up. When my friends are in need, I will go the extra mile to support them, just as I know they would for me.

[thebottomsupblog]

@MsHuppy When I still used to blog regularly, there was a mom who would leave messages on my blog almost daily. She was very loving and encouraging, and we would chat on social media as well.

She passed away very young, due to an auto-immune disease. I really felt her absence I would say that she’s the only person that I’ve never met in real life, but consider a real friend.

[singingforzara]

im lucky 2 hav my girlfriends who r oso fellow mummies

sometimes my children drive me crazy and there r things i cant share wif my husband. having them helps keep me sane haha

[thebottomsupblog]

@singingforzara It’s great you have close friends to talk to!

Just curious — for you and everyone else who’s posted here. Are you closer to your parent friends now, or do you have close friends who are not parents, or single?

I don’t really gravitate to just parents alone. Sometimes I want a break from talking about parenting haha! I’m quite used to switching gears to just talking about what suits the group.

[Wonder-ful]

@thebottomsupblog - As we grow older, the number of truly close friends often fits within one hand. Life naturally pulls people in different directions as marriage and children take priority, yet in certain relationships there is a quiet, unspoken understanding — that this person will be there when it truly matters.

I’m grateful to have a friend like this for over 50 years. Even though we haven’t met in a while, there’s a strong sense that we have each other’s backs when the occasion arises. This has been proven before, and I’m confident we can count on it again.

Familiarity and frequency don’t always define longevity — not every relationship stands the test of time when it matters most.

[thebottomsupblog]

Wondering if anyone here is open to such community initiatives, to meet new friends?

Or, do you feel that you have enough friends already?

https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/community-space-stranger-conversations-blossoms-as-a-library-of-human-stories-and-life-experiences

A gf (fellow mom) shared this with me last year, and I follow their socials but haven’t found time to actually attend yet. Am keen though!