Any interest in discussion group or bookclub to talk about "Unease: Life in SG Families?"

[thebottomsupblog]

Teo You Yenn (author of This is What Inequality Looks Like) has a new book coming out, titled Unease.

https://www.straitstimes.com/life/arts/parenting-shouldnt-feel-that-way-teo-you-yenns-book-unease-questions-how-pro-family-singapore-really

“Rarely did parents speak spontaneously about what they enjoyed or admired in their kids. In fact, most of them framed their children as a narrow set of educational problems in need of a solution.”

I don’t personally feel this way about my parenting journey. My kids will turn 15 and 20 this year. Studies-wise, my daughter was in brand-name schools all the way, while my son is in a neighbourhood sec school that I’ve highly recommended since we discovered it by accident.

But again, maybe I’ve enjoyed privileges in raising my own kids, and I have blind spots as to what makes this challenging or even painful for other families.

Let’s talk about it, would love to hear from others

[sharonkhoo]

@thebottomsupblog I’ve read the ST article, but haven’t read the book! But re the line you quoted: I also don’t share that experience, either. But I’ve had a less usual experience of raising my girls - they were born in 1 country, lived in Sg as toddlers, then educated overseas (different places), only returning to Singapore in their teens. Living overseas, my husband and I took all aspects of parenting as our personal responsibilities since we lived in such cross-cultural settings. We couldn’t just rely on the communities we had contact with (locals, other expats and Sg). So we did pay a lot of attention to character, experiences, interests etc, as well as the academic side of things. They are 27 and 29 this year.

Given their unusual growing up experiences, I find my girls are a bit more open to new ideas and experiences (one more than the other), and generally able to mix widely across cultures and races. Even the one who has mild ASD is pretty flexible and adaptable (which was not an easy achievement). They have vastly different personalities, different academic abilities, and so bringing them up has required a great deal of flexibility on our parts! But I’m happy with the way they have turned out.

I do find that many parents in Singapore do talk about their kids in a rather academic-focused way, as if kids are defined primarily by their school performance. That’s rather sad, I feel.

[thebottomsupblog]

@sharonkhoo That must’ve been a really interesting/life-changing experience for both your girls, to live and study in cross-cultural settings!

Our fam has always been based in SG, but our family network is diverse. I’m Chinese, my husband is Indian, and the extended family includes fam members who are Malay, Romanian, and so on. My SIL’s family migrated to NZ many years ago. And some of our closest friends are single, or in same-sex partnerships.

In short, there are plenty of different perspectives for my kiddos to draw upon!

But going back to the book: I think academics and school routines/requirements can be very overwhelming for many parents in SG, hence the need to talk about it all the time!

I also wonder if some had been very disciplined and well-behaved when young. I certainly wasn’t, which makes it very easy to view my kids in a glowing light Personally, I’ve always said that ver 2.0 is far better!