When your sec school teen does poorly for year-end exams

[thebottomsupblog]

Hi all! I’m from the KiasuParents team, and this is something that we face in our own homes as well. In fact I found my own Sec 3 teen upset at home yesterday because of unexpected fail grades.

In our case, we had agreed beforehand that we will view the grades as objectively as we can: instead of using labels like “did well” or “did badly,” I asked him to name a target, and just msg me his grades, filing them under the A/B/C categories. My teen was given full autonomy to plan his own revision schedule, and the results speak for whether the revision was effective or not.

It turned out that his targets were way off, but it’s also now harder for teens and parents to gauge progress through the weighted assessment system. I believe that many teens will be getting a wake-up call after the Sec 3 EOY (end of year) exams. But teens will respond very differently to their grades, depending on how they’re feeling about school and themselves!

On the KiasuParents website, we’ve got a guide about talking to kids and teens after disappointing exam results, based on a webinar that we held earlier in the year:

https://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/article/when-your-child-s-grades-are-not-good-enough

We can also share tips here, about how to move forward! Would love to hear others’ stories as well.

[thebottomsupblog]

Just to update on this: we had our PTM (parent-teacher meeting), and I think if you go in there hoping that there will be a customised action plan for your teen, you might be disappointed.

At best, teachers can give one or two pointers about what your teen can actually do, e.g. speak up more + ask more questions in class when they don’t understand. But, for example, if you have introverted children, you also understand that this may be difficult.

I think what is possible is to make one or two specific requests, e.g. support the teen to book an appointment with a particular teacher or career guidance counsellor. There should also be a clear purpose in mind.

Other than that, I think the plan/responsibility starts at home.

For my part, I’m asking my teen to do habit formation for these next two weeks, i.e. having an after-school routine that is very clear to him, like one hour for lunch and decompressing followed by 2-3 hours of working on something. Breaks should be non-screen, such as building or reading. Free and easy after 6 or 7PM.

Happy to hear from others too, to trade ideas.

In terms of tuition, I think it’s essential to get the teen’s consent. In my case, my teen was only keen to start tuition for one subject. I told him he needs to have a plan for two other subjects, and we’ve set a cut-off date to assess whether that plan looks feasible.

[thebottomsupblog]

Another update: We are trying to find tuition centres for my son, who’s more on the introverted side.

As adults, we often know immediately whether a class/teacher might be helpful for us. For instance, when I went for a 30-min drums trial, I was already struck by the issues that the instructor could point out for me, and it was very easy for me to say yes to more lessons.

When we send our teens to classes, asking them how it went may not give us much info to make a decision.

Eg my son said he was “not sure” about one of the schools that we tried. If there is a testimonial from a trusted friend, then we would usually just go ahead to commit. In this case, the teacher is not known to us, so I’ve set up another trial (in a different centre) for the same subject, just so my son has two experiences to compare.

I feel that if a teacher has fresh insights to share over text, or offers a quick Zoom chat/phone call (even 5-10mins), that could make a parent’s decision a lot easier.

At the same time, I think we’re all time-starved and SG parents are probably very willing to pay for tuition, so maybe I’m taking longer to make a commitment that other parents would.

[zac's mum]

Hi, i haven’t logged in to KSP in a long time. Chanced upon your post, so i decided to share a bit of advice as a sec 4 parent.

Best thing we did after sec 3 EOY was to finish up all the Topical TYS that the school made us buy. He hadn’t completed them in time for EOY and the results showed. During the year-end hols, he steadily revised his sec 3 chapters, made notes & did the Topical TYS.

When sec 4 rolls around, the teaching pace will hit them like a speeding freight train. There’s no more time to go back to look at sec 3 work at that point. And yet it will be tested in prelims. If your child is involved in CCA leadership roles, they don’t step down until very late before prelims.

Hope that helps & all the best!

[thebottomsupblog]

@zac-s-mum Thanks for taking the time to log in and share your tips!

I’ll see what my son has done for his TYS (ten year series for those who’re not aware). We’re not planning to travel this year-end, so there’s time for revision

I’ve already settled chem tuition for him, and will probably go with physics as well, so that he can try to fill some gaps during the hols. Tuition centres will tend to teach ahead as well.

Noted on the pace for next year — will update as we go along!

[sharonkhoo]

@thebottomsupblog said:

@zac-s-mum Thanks for taking the time to log in and share your tips!

I’ll see what my son has done for his TYS (ten year series for those who’re not aware). We’re not planning to travel this year-end, so there’s time for revision

I’ve already settled chem tuition for him, and will probably go with physics as well, so that he can try to fill some gaps during the hols. Tuition centres will tend to teach ahead as well.

Noted on the pace for next year — will update as we go along!

I’m sure you will do this, but thought I’d say something as well as a reminder for everyone - build in time for fun and relaxation too! Especially sports and some time with friends. Having things to look forward to can make the slog easier to cope with.

My older girl was not a strong student, so there was always a lot to do during the vacations. I helped her set targets for each day, and when she was done, I didn’t add more. If not, there would be no incentive for her to focus and finish. Weekends were complete breaks (unless there was unfinished stuff from the week), and she had a complete break from mid-Dec till school started again. Everyone needs carrots to look forward to!

[thebottomsupblog]

@sharonkhoo Thanks for that reminder!

Yeah I agree that incentives are essential. Maybe sometimes we make the mistake of thinking that home life is quite cushy with not too many restrictions, so at the same time, not many carrots to offer either!

Thanks for sharing your “complete break” routine too

For daily holiday revision, my husband has been having short discussions with my son the night before to make a simple plan, and I’ll just do a quick morning check-in before starting work. My door is closed the entire time I’m working, so he’s basically in charge of his day.

My son was slightly disappointed yesterday when plans with friends fell through (they couldn’t meet early enough and I had arranged for a trial class for him in the afternoon). So yes time with friends can probably go in the “incentive” list!

For decompressing, we have a community badminton coach who no longer charges a fee to spar with my son; I just need to book courts. And during school hols, I’ll usually invite his childhood bestie to stay over for a few days. I’m glad they’ve not outgrown this so far!