All About Full-Time Maids

[buds]

insider:

smurf:

go back to work after kids bigger? hmm, not too sure leh, cos I did engineering deg, if no experience, people would rather hire freshise who just graduated from Uni, I guess? cheaper and younger.

I for one will not approve of my daughter to stay at home nursing kids after she has her own one/s.

Life is so full of unforeseen circumstances with divorce, prematured death, retrenchment, bankruptcy, etc, etc, cropping up now and then throughout a marriage.

I expect my daughter to contribute to the society with whatever she has learnt (maybe with a chance of discovering a cure for an ailment), be financially independent, has a saving nest when she retires, etc, etc, after her marriage. It's too risky to be dependent on the spouse alone and I feel unfair to be burdening only on one person to bring back the bacon.

Giving kids the best is just part of life. I agree with the 'good enough parenting' theory. We can give some to our kids, but some must always be reserved for ourselves. We deserve a fulfilling life and that should not be centred only around our kids.

I will be dismay if in future:

1) my daughter chooses to be a SAHM and/or

2) my daughter-in-law chooses to be a SAHM.

Of course, that will still be up to them at their own risks/rewards...

If husband got money, then quite privilege aah..
If husband not so rich, but want us stay home with some pocket $$$,
still okay-okay... But if husband cannot cope, and we insist on staying
home... hmmmm... then mebbe can be quite burdensome on the man.
But if the situation calls for it - say... with presence of a special child...
or grandparents too old to care for lil' babies... cannot find good day
care for the child(ren)... or wife never worked her whole life... (etc)..
then whose to say we did not try..

Different situations call for different measures... Hehee.. Me like broken
recorder liao. Anyway, i do share insider's point of views as well in a way.
There are risks and rewards at the end of the day, from our early choices
in life. There are some that can be helped and some others unavoidable..
It can be a case of privilege versus responsibility too, in some scenarios.

As much as i don't approve of myself being a SAHM heheheh..
(since it wasn't exactly my ultimate choice then), i have had the best
and the worst experiences... which i am grateful for... cos there are
many pros and cons to it, which made life challenging that i learnt from..
By being at work, i may not have known what was in store for the SAHM
which my mother was (and had to be). Being a daddy's girl, the SAHM
experience brought me closer to my mom... :love: which i deeply
treasure. If i had continued with the decision to work full time no matter,
what the circumstances were (then), my relationship with my mom may
not have improved.. my understanding with my husband would not have
been great as it is today and i would forever be in the dark as to what
my IL's really were as people and parents... and finally, the kiddies may
have not get the attention they needed at a tender growing up stage, and
plus i may have had to spend a lot on their education as well..

Things have worked out fine for me, thanks to support from everyone
who was there for me, my dad in particular and then (slowly...) my hubs.
NOW, kiddies are bigger and i cannot wait to get the fulfilling life that i
deserve for myself and get to contribute to society too. Its great if we
can have a bit of both worlds, but most times the occasion is tough to
call for one. With the better relationship with everyone, i can begin to
pursue a career that was left behind some years ago... with greater
ease... - but i know it (SAHM years) has been worth it despite the
turbulences. Well, who doesn't have it once in a while, aye...

And like tamarind, if i were to place a maid in the house - the IL's can
now be my eyes when i am out at work. The maid can also help with
the mundane chores that i was stuck with doing so that now after work
i can still catch up on quality time with the kiddies, IL's and my hubs...

Life is full of unforeseen circumstances.. planning for it (future) is one
thing but being practical and living the life we can is another.. Hold both
if we can, but be happy nevertheless if we can't..

Just to add on to insider's view... i wish to share on the plight of an
acquaintance. Short one.
>Never worked before marriage. Nor after marriage either..
>Did complete Secondary education.. never pursue. Didn't see need to.
>2 children - a boy and a girl. Both in very gd schools. No tuition needed.
>Dad in property industry.. Did not prepare nest as expected.
>Heart attack killed dad.. Very very sudden..
>After funeral, family realised dad didn't have much savings..
>Not much investments but now house fully paid (thank god)
>Mum never worked her whole life.... so now how and where to start..
>No skills, no outside friends other than friends of the late husband's..

Cut story short, friends of husband's and a few relatives helped her pick
up the pieces which she never knew she had to undergo.. Works part-
time to support children's fees and pocket money. Kids also work part-
time giving tuition (being good students and all).. They are now doing
fairly fine and most importantly, still together and still happy..

The wives should have some savings part is very important but quite
an under-rated issue to date. Get umbrella ready before the rain..
Happy family is one thing... being left without money is another..
There are always 2 sides of the coin. These are the two in this
scenario we have been discussing..

Just for sharing..

Would love to hear from others as well..
More hands make lighter work they say..
More thoughts give wider perspectives..

[tamarind]

I expect my kids to contribute part of their salary to me when they start working. I am supporting my parents financially now, setting a good example for the kids. I know many parents say that they don’t want to depend on kids. But we are Chinese, and I want my kids to follow the traditional Chinese values of caring for the elderly, just as I did for my parents.

[clarabella]

insider:

I will be dismay if in future:

1) my daughter chooses to be a SAHM and/or

2) my daughter-in-law chooses to be a SAHM.

Hehehehehe. insider, you sound like my MIL! She thinks I am a complete burden on my husband, which is total rot because I don't take any money from him and I manage to contribute to household expenses too. Whatever I spend on myself are from my savings (fairly decent, phew), from my working days. And SAHMs can certainly contribute to society too; my plan for this year and next is to do some pro bono legal aid work. I'm definitely putting my hard-earned knowledge to good use!

[clarabella]

buds:

And you'd be surprised too that you become a super

efficient multi-tasker once you decide to start work again.. The years
of practise will pay off. Hehee.. You'll be one of those working mums
who work and manage household concurrently without much fuss...
And people around will go... :shock:
How'd you manage all that?

buds, I think by the time I go back to work, my household would be running itself. Given my low standards that should not be too difficult hahahaha.

[clarabella]

I am sorry for your loss, insider. It must be a difficult time for you and your family.

Yeah, it seems that it's really not cheap being sick in Singapore. Everything here from life to death is fairly expensive!

-----
Hmmm, I don't think it's unwise for me not to take money from my husband. It's how we function as a couple lah; works for us to keep some things separate. Part of this also stems from what I used to see in my profession - many ugly things surface during divorce proceedings, so I see the value of not being totally reliant on my spouse. Also, I'm just used to being responsible for myself financially. I don't even rely on my parents for my education; I put myself through university, both times.
But, yes, I guess if my husband is less than astute at managing money than I will quickly 'chope' everything first hee.

I have two boys and a girl. I really don't forsee myself being aghast should my future DILs decide to be SAHMs. And for that matter, my daughter too. I wouldn't judge them for any decision they make for the good of their families, be it helping to bring home the bacon or taking care of their kids personally if they don't want to out-source the 'job'. I would, however, recoil a bit if they tell me that the reason they work is to buy branded bags :roll: like in Tamarind's example...
I hope my kids will never have to slog for a living. I guess that's the hope of many kiasu parents out there.

Like you, I support my parents financially, even though they don't need me to. I don't use my hubby's money either for that purpose; he has his own responsibilities to his parents. We are lucky that both sets of parents had the foresight many years ago to make provisions for their old age so it does relieve the burden somewhat. Hence I cannot imagine myself not making similar provisions for myself. Totally agree with you about medical insurance!

[clarabella]

tamarind:

They spent more than $2000 a month on the girl's pre-school, enrichment, but my ex-colleague was unhappy with her development, and his expectations were not even high.

Woweeeee, that is a serious amount of money to spend on one child! Perhaps for the privileged it's like $20...

[ChiefKiasu]

insider:

My dad was hospitalized for 32 days in SGH (Class B2). Medical bill is about $20,000.


He passed away last Friday. Funeral expenses total about $25,000.00...

Hi insider, I am sorry to hear about your loss.

Yes, medical bills are incredibly expensive these days. Funeral expenses too, and hopefully, the \"white gold\" can help out a bit. People usually don't realize or think about it until it hits them. The motto these days (as impressed upon us from above) is that we should be as little a burden as possible to our nation when we grow old - read: financially independent and capable of taking upon all our medical and other expenses ourselves. It's a tough life.

I lost my mother back in 1997 to a sudden stroke. She didn't last through the night. I have always thought about how she has worked so hard 24/7 all her life to bring up all her kids without complaining or taking a break, just to pass away just when her children became financially independent and capable of giving her a well deserved rest. But she did not suffer much or long at the end, and for that, we were all thankful.

[jedamum]

clarabella:

insider:

I will be dismay if in future:

1) my daughter chooses to be a SAHM and/or

2) my daughter-in-law chooses to be a SAHM.

Hehehehehe. insider, you sound like my MIL!

clarabella,
if i voiced out my thoughts of going back to work, i'll get these response,
MIL (who is not working) : what about the kids?
DH : my salary not enough to 'feed' you meh? or you want to buy prada bag etc etc (naming several branded stuff) :roll:

insider,
having walked that path, for my DIL, i will let them decide what they think is the best solution in childcare and try to support their decision in anyway that I can (also depends on how they treat me la! )

[buds]

jedamum:

clarabella,

if i voiced out my thoughts of going back to work, i'll get these response,
MIL (who is not working) : what about the kids?
DH : my salary not enough to 'feed' you meh? or you want to buy prada bag etc etc (naming several branded stuff) :roll:

Wuaaah! Same script leh.
Go Mediacorp audition easily get part.

jedamum:

insider,
having walked that path, for my DIL, i will let them decide what they think is the best solution in childcare and try to support their decision in anyway that I can (also depends on how they treat me la! )

Yup! Me three, jedamum!
The future awaits...
Wonder if by that time
winth wud've started a
thread on DIL's oredi...
:evil:

[buds]

clarabella:

Hehehehehe. insider, you sound like my MIL! She thinks I am a complete burden on my husband, which is total rot because I don't take any money from him and I manage to contribute to household expenses too. Whatever I spend on myself are from my savings (fairly decent, phew), from my working days. And SAHMs can certainly contribute to society too; my plan for this year and next is to do some pro bono legal aid work. I'm definitely putting my hard-earned knowledge to good use!

Yup, doesn't always mean we stay home hubby support 100%.
Yup, there are jobs that can be done from home...

:celebrate:

clarabella:

Yeah, it seems that it's really not cheap being sick in Singapore. Everything here from life to death is fairly expensive!.

Wohoo! Life to death!
What a mighty nutshell there, girl!
Not much to add from there where
high cost of living is involved... :roll:

clarabella:

I have two boys and a girl. I really don't forsee myself being aghast should my future DILs decide to be SAHMs. And for that matter, my daughter too. I wouldn't judge them for any decision they make for the good of their families, be it helping to bring home the bacon or taking care of their kids personally if they don't want to out-source the 'job'. I would, however, recoil a bit if they tell me that the reason they work is to buy branded bags :roll: like in Tamarind's example... I hope my kids will never have to slog for a living. I guess that's the hope of many kiasu parents out there.

Yup, i'll try not to judge too... who knows by then what the future
holds for them all, our kiddies generation. Yes, all of us hope the
same i suppose... let's hope life is better for them, what with our
kiasu-ism in place already when they're young.. heheheee..

Clarabella...

Husband give, just take.
His money is our money.
Our money is our money.

*Even if we never use his
money, can be set aside
for extra to the nest...