How can I get my husband to buy me something?

[foreverj]

Funz:

For me, I don't need gifts or surprises, what I want is for him to be more involved with the family and to put me first instead of the countless engagements he has. A bouquet of roses on valentine day or a diamond pendant/ring does not make up for all the times that he abandoned us to pursue his own programme.

sounds like he's replacing time for you and children with lavish gifts. but does he feel guilty for abandoning you and kids to pursue his own programme? i feel the same way cos dh is those type of workaholic. if he's not working late, then he wil need to meet so-and-so for drinks. nowadays is better as he tries to reserve weekends for us since his new workplace does not allow staff to go back to office on weekends unnecessarily, heng ah!

when he mentioned he wants to pick up golf (which wil effectively take away a whole weekend), he asked me can or not? of course cannot la! :x

[sleepy]

foreverj:

when he mentioned he wants to pick up golf (which wil effectively take away a whole weekend), he asked me can or not? of course cannot la! :x

You are right, better don't start!

My dh super 'siao' golf, can play 7 days a week. Until I stomped my feet, threatened to throw bricks at him (figure of speech, not literally of course )

Now he still plays although tone down substantially after much persuasion. I seriously need him to be home every evening to practice piano with my dd2

[foreverj]

haha sleepy i shall quote u next time he broach the subject again.

[Funz]

sleepy:

Funz:

Our language of love is different. Ain't that a surprise. Actually, think it is rare to be able to find a couple who has the same love language.

Funz, I think ours is the same. Yours 'act of service' too?

I like dh to do things for me, on his own initiatives (not I nag then he does it). Open the door, carry all the heavy loads, do house chores, babysit the kids, etc etc.
dh's love language is 'words of affirmation'. This is pretty easy, I just sweet talk him, no need to spend money and he does chores for me if I dose him enough

I dose him with more words of affirmation, he will come back with more gifts for me. I know that it's his way of showing love for me. So over time, I learn to appreciate the act of him giving me stuff. But not so much the stuff. Haha.

Thing is, he knows I don't like red roses, told him countless times. But I get them on practically every occasion. Asked him why, not calla lily, or orchids even cabbage flower which he knows I like. His explanation, it's the significance of the red roses. So I learn to appreciate that as well. Though I would still prefer a pot of exotic white orchids.

Well that said, lately the gifts are getting more useful. So he's learning.

[Funz]

foreverj:

Funz:

For me, I don't need gifts or surprises, what I want is for him to be more involved with the family and to put me first instead of the countless engagements he has. A bouquet of roses on valentine day or a diamond pendant/ring does not make up for all the times that he abandoned us to pursue his own programme.

sounds like he's replacing time for you and children with lavish gifts. but does he feel guilty for abandoning you and kids to pursue his own programme? i feel the same way cos dh is those type of workaholic. if he's not working late, then he wil need to meet so-and-so for drinks. nowadays is better as he tries to reserve weekends for us since his new workplace does not allow staff to go back to office on weekends unnecessarily, heng ah!

when he mentioned he wants to pick up golf (which wil effectively take away a whole weekend), he asked me can or not? of course cannot la! :x

Feel guilty about not being with us? Umm.. not sure leh. But I know for sure, he will feel guilty if he let his golf buddies down.

He use to be much much worse last time. Last time, the only time we get to spend any family time together was maybe Sunday afternoon. And even then, it will be with his family or catching up with this or that person. Not just our family alone. Truth be told, our marriage almost broke down.

For those whose husband has not picked up golf, do not, I repeat, DO NOT let them start. Especially if your DH is the kind that can get pretty passionate about certain stuff. It is a time consuming game, not like tennis or squash where you can complete a game in a couple of hours. There was a time when I was pretty much a golf widow on weekends, public holidays and on his off in lieus. And when he was at home, he was polishing his clubs and cleaning his shoes. Up until a point when I told him to go sleep with his clubs. And everytime he was heading out the kids will ask golf again? That was when he realise that he has taken thing a bit too far.

[foreverj]

Funz:

Feel guilty about not being with us? Umm.. not sure leh. But I know for sure, he will feel guilty if he let his golf buddies down.

hehe, u sure know him well :lol:

Funz:

He use to be much much worse last time. Last time, the only time we get to spend any family time together was maybe Sunday afternoon. And even then, it will be with his family or catching up with this or that person. Not just our family alone. Truth be told, our marriage almost broke down.

sounds pretty serious - believe things r much better nw.

Funz:

For those whose husband has not picked up golf, do not, I repeat, DO NOT let them start. Especially if your DH is the kind that can get pretty passionate about certain stuff. It is a time consuming game, not like tennis or squash where you can complete a game in a couple of hours. There was a time when I was pretty much a golf widow on weekends, public holidays and on his off in lieus. And when he was at home, he was polishing his clubs and cleaning his shoes. Up until a point when I told him to go sleep with his clubs. And everytime he was heading out the kids will ask golf again? That was when he realise that he has taken thing a bit too far.

i wish i have the power not to let him start. truth be told, golf is something men wil eventually start on, as part of their career-building tools. thats y he hopes me and dd wil get hooked on it too so we can go for golf weekends together next time. but not for a while la since dd is the type who doesn't quite like the sun right now, he's quite pre-occupied n he knows dd and i need him to ferry us to and fro enrichment classes on weekends. shall keep it that way as long as possible

[3Boys]

I love buying stuff for DW, stuff she likes to wear, and stuff I'd like her to wear, if you ladies know what I mean?


The joy and reward I get back from her is many times the cost of the gifts.....so guys, wake up and get the givin' goin'

How she does it? Express lotsa appreciation.....

[hquek]

Is it my training or maybe just me? DH used to buy me bouquets sometimes and I'll complain waste money (ask him to give me angbao instead...of course that never did happen). He got me a bracelet and I promptly lost it within a week (lucky not expensive type) :roll: :roll:


So now, anything I want, I'll check in with him. and if it's ok, then I'll just go get it. Works well for us.

[janet88]

Drop hints…like surfing the net and leave the PAGE for him to ‘see’.

[mumma_bear]

I usually initiate the task of surprising my dh. He's used to surprise me a lot when we were sweethearts but he's mostly busy right now with and I understand. He's reminding himself every time i surprise him with little things and gives back the favor whenever he can and we both appreciate those from each other. I guess it works that way for both of us.