toddler staying overnight at other's place?

[w_y_chung]

Hi janet_lee88,, duriz and carebear,


Thanks. Indeed one of my worries is that what they teach my daughter. I do not discriminate my in-laws but in short, we have different believes. A toddler is like a sponge, absorbs whatever taught to them. It is hard to change them esp my daughter has a stubborn character.

Recently she has been chewing on her crayons, telling me this is lipstick. It is clear she did not pick it up from TV since she knows clearly what the lip stick does. She even offers to apply her 'lipstick' on me! She also utter phrases which I hope she does not know, like \"I don't want you!\" (as in dumping someone), and she beats people saying she is the police.....

Hi Funz, mrswongtuition, janet_lee88

Thanks for sharing. I brought up the question here because I am 50-50 on how to handle this scenario, and your inputs certainly helps me to get a more balanced view.

In fact my wife did mention it is better for our daughter to feel the love from more people, and this is blessings for her. True. However I still question does staying overnight an essential to share the love. LIke may others said, it is the quality of the time spent not duration, so if the IL's really loves my daughter so much, day time is more than enough for this purpose.

Last weekend when my MIL ask my daughter to stay (she asked _my_ daughter, a 2yo, who has little clue what the question means, instead of me or my wife), I said politely it is ok to bring her over during day time and I _volunteer_ to bring her home after 10pm. I can easily prove my daughter's language skill is still weak - we ask her if she wants to eat her poo poo (which she almost did the other day), she said yes and it tastes good. :shock:

I came from a family with strict discipline. I want to instill discipline

Hi janet_lee88,

It is not exactly jealously. I am feeling an imbalance. In short, many times my MIL will decide for me and my wife what to do with my daughter, or she makes a my wife (which my wife will entertain always, maybe she feels it is bad to decline her mom's requests). I keep my mind and ears open to reasons, but at times I need to defend for my interests / viewpoints especially when it comes to my daughter's welfare. Let's put it this way - I am responsible for anything happens to her and she does, while my in-laws and my \"out-laws\" can claim they have no liability and even can say it was my 'fault' to let them make the decisions.

[janet88]

Hi w_y_chung,

Regarding discipline, I’ve been the ‘bad guy’ since my kids were born. As a SAHM, I’ve got to be the baddie. However, hubby & I have the same stand.

[duriz]

w_y_chung:

Hi janet_lee88,, duriz and carebear,


Thanks. Indeed one of my worries is that what they teach my daughter. I do not discriminate my in-laws but in short, we have different believes. A toddler is like a sponge, absorbs whatever taught to them. It is hard to change them esp my daughter has a stubborn character.

Recently she has been chewing on her crayons, telling me this is lipstick. It is clear she did not pick it up from TV since she knows clearly what the lip stick does. She even offers to apply her 'lipstick' on me! She also utter phrases which I hope she does not know, like \"I don't want you!\" (as in dumping someone), and she beats people saying she is the police.....

I agree.
Please understand what I have stated are my own opinions and preferences.
Some parents may argue that our views may be single-sided or biased.
But I guess we are all biased when it comes to our children.
I understand your anxiety and concern towards your DD.
She is at a very impressionable age.
My own is 11-month and has picked up many quirks and behavior that are unlike DH or myself.
She does not watch tv.
She does not have any cousins or friends her age who can influence her.
I guess little girls (and boys) have and will develop a personality of their own.
You are obviously very concern. As I have said, please discuss with your DW regarding the welfare and discipline of your DD. Parents can have varied views when it comes to the same child.
And like janet_lee88, I'm the bad guy when it comes to discipline. I will let DD know what is right or wrong, what we think she should or shouldn't do. Her papa is her playmate. But strangely, it's him that she fears most and me whom she comes to in times of fear, anxiety and anger.
And yes, DH and I have the same stance when it comes to DD. IMHO, spouses need to lean on eachother for support.

[cherrygal]

Hi

IMHO, I think it's not so bad for boys to stay over at in-laws if it's just the in-laws and no other relatives around. If there are many other pple sleeping in that house, then I would say no. Anyway, I have also stopped my boy from staying over at MIL's house unless there are special circumstances.

But I would never allow my daughter to stay in in-law's house (even day time) without me around. My MIL never had daughters and doesn't know how to take care of gals and I also don't trust the other people who enter my MIL's house.

So, since you have a girl, then my advice is don't let her stay overnight without the parents around. Or get your wife to stay with her since it's her parents' home. You can then enjoy some peace and quiet yourself!

[janet88]

I am the bad guy at home and hubby is the playmate.

Kids (esp son) go to him when they want something which they know I won’t buy. But my decision is still final. Hubby will try to convince me it’s worth getting but if I am not convinced, then it’s still a NO…there must be a boundary where toys are concerned.

[w_y_chung]

janet_lee88:

Hi w_y_chung,

Regarding discipline, I've been the 'bad guy' since my kids were born. As a SAHM, I've got to be the baddie. However, hubby & I have the same stand.

I am already the baddie.
My daughter at one stage did not want me to cuddle her , play with her etc. because I am the big bad daddie who stopped her from climbing, lying on the floor, digging into the shelves etc.

I spent months to patch the relationship with my daughter by just sitting around her, read books, feed her (normal meals and treats). Small success now - she would come around and grab me and ask me to play with her nowadays. But my wife remains her favourite and that makes perfect sense to me 'coz my wife takes care of her.

Then my wife said maybe my girl finds me easier to manipulate. *faint* hahaha

[w_y_chung]

duriz:

I agree.
Please understand what I have stated are my own opinions and preferences.
Some parents may argue that our views may be single-sided or biased.
But I guess we are all biased when it comes to our children.
I understand your anxiety and concern towards your DD.
She is at a very impressionable age.
My own is 11-month and has picked up many quirks and behavior that are unlike DH or myself.
She does not watch tv.
She does not have any cousins or friends her age who can influence her.
I guess little girls (and boys) have and will develop a personality of their own.
You are obviously very concern. As I have said, please discuss with your DW regarding the welfare and discipline of your DD. Parents can have varied views when it comes to the same child.
And like janet_lee88, I'm the bad guy when it comes to discipline. I will let DD know what is right or wrong, what we think she should or shouldn't do. Her papa is her playmate. But strangely, it's him that she fears most and me whom she comes to in times of fear, anxiety and anger.
And yes, DH and I have the same stance when it comes to DD. IMHO, spouses need to lean on eachother for support.

I can sort of see how my daughter will be like in a few years.
Junk food and tv. because this is what we do every evening.
we are the (bad) role model to her. *cry*

[corneyAmber]

It is very hard to invite my child for sleepover because she would not barge. Everyone in the extended family loves her to bits but it does not mean that she would like to do sleepovers without her parents. She is not sticky as she is an independent child since young but she just feels that family should be together. Going out with extended family is more acceptable to her, sleepover is a non-attraction. So technically it may seem that she has to seek my permission but pretty much she has decided on her own and no one can change her mind about this.


Perhaps the easier thing to do is to work on your own kid in the long run, GWIM?

[LOLMum]

w_y_chung:

I came from a family with strict discipline. I want to instill discipline

In short, many times my MIL will decide for me and my wife what to do with my daughter, or she makes a my wife (which my wife will entertain always, maybe she feels it is bad to decline her mom's requests).

I keep my mind and ears open to reasons, but at times I need to defend for my interests / viewpoints especially when it comes to my daughter's welfare. .

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

it is great that you are taking note of the happenings around you especially with your child. i trust that you are happy with the way/values your parents taught you (seeing that you want to instill discipline) and since that value is part of you, you should decide if you wish to instill it into your kids.

reading your comments about your mil, i couldnt help but wonder if she has a hand in the way your wife is treating your parents as stated in your other thread.

meanwhile back to the issue of staying overnite at a relative's house which i think is a great idea. both dd and ds have had sleepovers at our relatives' house and so far both kids have slept in the same bed/room with only the female relatives. none of the male (except for a younger boy) have shared a bed with my kids.

cheers

[buds]

My view... *Pajama party, yes.


(*sleepovers*)

For toddlers, nope.

For toddlers who hafta bunk with a raging hormonic male teenager, nope.

Like ksi, my girls have their own mind to stay or not to stay. They can
verbalize their comfort level with people around them... and yes, they
too think families should stay together. :hi5:

For older children should be fine as by then whatever discipline, beliefs &
values had time to be instilled by us parents and they can manage right
and wrong better... appropriate & expected behaviour can be expected
from them... My girls only stayed over beyond 4.5yrs to 5yrs old even with
my own parents... that too was because i had to either go for hospital
appointments, job interviews, meetings (cos i work from home) and other
really important stuff.. They had a great time playing in-house camping...
play hide and seek... playing shadows with grandpa's torchlights... baking
with gramma... (etc) and loads more of other goofy stuff gramps can get
away with the girls laughing themselves in stitches and simply having a
good time.