Your relationships with siblings
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[quote]I do call my bro to yak & he also calls me to yak
My sis will just turn up at my house to yak.
Best part: My bro's gf likes to yak w us & we always gang up to bully my bro![/quote]I love this yaki family! :lol:
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Hi mrswongtuition,
i have send you a pm.. I need some of your advices... thanks for your help in advance..
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orchids:
agree. i have drifted away from my own siblings ever since I got hitched and later married.Distancing is usually inevitable when siblings got married and have their own families. Of course, there are some special cases. But for most, it's unlikely for us to share the same kind of bond like when we were young. We cared and shared then but now can't say the same.
I have observed for most cases that I know, it's usually the spouse of the siblings that caused the 'drift'. Kinship sometimes is so fragile.
its one of those things that sometimes bring regret in my heart. -
I personally feel that how the younger ones in the family bond together really depends on the efforts of the elders in the family.
My late paternal grandparents passed away when we were very young. We barely even remember them if not for photos.
They insisted that my dad and his siblings MUST have gatherings at least once a month. And said that they had to buy houses near each other.
Turns out, they all did and we are very close to my cousins (sleepovers, parties, etc). Even till now, all working adults, we still keep in touch (via Facebook, MSN and SMS). Plus the meetups for lunch dates and dinner dates
My late maternal grandmother is one fierce lady. Every Saturday, without fail, must go to her house. ALL OF US (20+ grandchildren) must turn up, else she'll call us one by one to scold. Only excuses not to turn up: Exams and sick. & must call her in advance to 'take leave'.
So, we were also very close to our cousins.
Since this 'culture' was ongoing till their deaths, we also carried on with it.
Till today, I'm still very close to all my cousins.
And they also will call us to yak
When anyone needs help, all will rush to help (esp my hubs - he loves to help them).
It's not a situation where the kids dunno who is who just because the family is large. All of us are clear about who is who and even the kids know what they how they should be addressing each one (not just 'auntie' and 'uncle').
If you wish for your children to have such bonds with your relatives, take initiative to organise, even if it means having to foot the bill.
My mum always foots the bill. I've never heard her grumble about it at all. If that particular month budget abit tight, she'll just do homecooked instead of catering (large family lah - catering is easier).
Sometimes my younger uncle will foot the bill (he is filthy rich but does not live in SG) when he comes back. And when he foots the bill, we are all treated to expensive delicacies (his recent trip back, we had Alaskan King Crab, lobsters and hairy crab).
Even for gathering for my dad's side, my mum will also foot the bill. Sometimes my uncles beat her to it, but most of the time, they will agree on dutch or my mum will pay.
Also, my mum makes the effort to ask her sisters out for lunch dates every few months. She also goes on lunch dates with her SIL (my dad's sis).
Learning from my mum, I always bring my siblings out for meals. I know they sponge off me, but who cares? I can easily earn the money back but it's hard to earn that precious time and memories together. And once I tell my bro that it's his turn to foot to bill (when he started working), I also told him that even if he treat us to hawker food, we are fine with it. No pressure.
Though $$$ is important, it isn't everything. As long as have enough to spend and enough to save, we must learn to treasure the other things that $$$ can't buy.
BTW, my siblings make a mess out of my house when they come over. I just close one eye lor. They know I don't like it so they do make an effort to pack up abit, but end up my maid will pack lah.
And, I'm the only one who is willing to do housework at my mum's place. My bro and sis and spoilt brats who don't mind the house being dirty - as long as they did not have to do the housework. -___\"\"- -
Also, my siblings don't hesitate to buy gifts for each other. My bro bought an iPod Touch for my sis just cos she said she wanted it instead of an iPhone. I bought a Wii for my bro & sis cos they were saying that it's very fun. My sis is a poor student, but she make effort to buy gifts for me when she travels with my parents and she buys presents for me on my birthday
*so sweet*
Again, $$$ isn't everything. So don't be too calculative. -
mrswongtuition:
Thanks mrswongtuition,Learning from my mum, I always bring my siblings out for meals. I know they sponge off me, but who cares? I can easily earn the money back but it's hard to earn that precious time and memories together.
Though $$$ is important, it isn't everything. As long as have enough to spend and enough to save, we must learn to treasure the other things that $$$ can't buy.
I like what you said above! Yes, sometimes in the family somebody must take the initiative to keep in touch and to keep close. It takes tremendous effort to host gatherings (not to mention the $$$ of course) and the cleaning up. It also takes a generous heart to be giving and serving others. It is best to do it without expecting anything in return especially when it comes to family. The \"return\" may not be measurable and is probably priceless ie. kinship. After reading your post, it is an encouragement to me to make effort to keep in touch with my siblings, niece & nephew!
:celebrate: -
Actually it doesn't take much effort for me cos my maid does the cooking
It's just hard to find a common time cos I'm busy with tuition.
If we are feeling lazy, just eat out
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mrswongtuition:
:celebrate: Totally agree.I personally feel that how the younger ones in the family bond together really depends on the efforts of the elders in the family.
If you wish for your children to have such bonds with your relatives, take initiative to organise, even if it means having to foot the bill.
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For me, this is pretty effortless as it is a way of life with my family. As it is, I am usually the one organising the gatherings. Even if it is my sister's idea to start with, I end of doing all the organising. hahah. I dun mind, I enjoy it and such gatherings are about the only time I really step into the kitchen and cook. I have initially tried to include my in-laws but realise that they are not comfortable in such gatherings. I will still invite them but 9 out of 10 times, they do not turn up. Quite a few of our gatherings include my elder sister's in-laws, including her BIL's family.
Since me and my elder sis work together, we lunch together practically every day. DH is always amazed at how we have endless topics to talk about, given that we are in each other's company everyday.
As each family gets smaller and smaller, I personally feel that it is even more important for us to nurture our sibling relationships and by extension, allow our kids to build stronger relationships with their cousins. I believe that I will find comfort in knowing that my children will have not only their immediate family but also the support of their siblings and cousins when I am gone. -
I envy you all who have good relationships with your siblings. I only have a younger brother, but both of us buay gam since young. Totally different character and personality. The things we like and type of friends we make are like north pole and south pole.
My parents did not help either, I always think they show favoritism and spoil him from young until now. It is hugely because of my own unpleasant experience with family that I only have 1 kid now.
I yearn for the feeling of having a tight-knit family which is what Iām striving to do now with my own small family. Sadly my kid will not have a chance to experience having a sibling.
My thinking is if 2 siblings can get along well and will take care of each other, that is the best scenario. If like my case, then I rather just have 1 kid. We will never know. -
[quote]My thinking is if 2 siblings can get along well and will take care of each other, that is the best scenario. If like my case, then I rather just have 1 kid. We will never know.[/quote]
i have 2 kids now, i would like to have 4 kids ( ideal ) but due to many reasons eg time, $$ etc... i will stop at 2
but do consider giving your only child a sibling as she will be alone when both of you are not around.... ( sorry, very sad, but only my 2cents tots )
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