Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave?
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LKVM:
Maybe.... but still I feel using external objects on my kid is not my cup of tea(just my opinion).....
On the contrary, i've heard and read that hitting or punishingbuds:
[quote=\"LKVM\"]My hands are enuf :evil:
btw DH says my hands quite hard
with one's own hands have worse effects on a child's emotional
psyche as compared to using a third party (object eg. cane)... cos
of the touch from skin to skin.
:P[/quote]The logic is...
Hand is for \"sayang\", not punishment. -
mrswongtuition:
That's what I understand also, but I forgot where I read that. But hitting the child with the hand is very painful for me, also... maybe my hands are too bony? :lol: or my technique is wrong.
The logic is...
Hand is for \"sayang\", not punishment.
In any case, now that they are all big, I don't have a cane in the house anymore. They seem to go missing all the time, anyway... I don't want to guess why...
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Before I had a child, I thought there was no need to use a cane, civil talk would be enough.
After I had a child, I realised I was overly idealistic because talk would never be enough for a child.
There seems to be some innate traits in kids that they hear but cannot remember or remember but cannot hear.
Also Mr Cane or Mrs Cane you call it has to be used at some point in their lives.
The good news is it won't be used forever if you use it right. If you do not know how to use it right, then better don't use lest you abuse.
What is \"use it right\"?
Do's and Don'ts of Caning
1. Use it to correct behaviours not for lack of performance
2. Use it to discipline not out of self-anger due to a bad day at work
3. Use it sparingly not regularly as in anything, conditioning kicks in
4. Use only a few firm strokes to serve the warning, not several strokes to leave ugly scars or marks
5. Use it in the absence of any other adults against it or you will be wrongly prohibited and undermined.
6. Use it in complementary with words of wisdom and not solely as a physical punishment and stop there
7. Use it to ensure your message is put across effectively, not when it is not effective
8. Use it firmly to drive your message across and not soften down to marshmellow after a while. If that is the case, don't bother to engage Mr or Mrs Cane, counterproductive and cause unnecessary hurt.
Hope my 8 tips help. -
ksi:
Wow, a lot of wisdom. I've never really been taught how to use the cane. Thankfully, and hopefully, I'll never have to deploy Mr or Mrs Cane ever again. I have a simple rule I made for both DH and me. We avoid canning from 9, and at 12, we stop altogether. Technically,there're only 2 left who are 'cane-able', but I saw no point in doing it nowadays.Before I had a child, I thought there was no need to use a cane, civil talk would be enough.
After I had a child, I realised I was overly idealistic because talk would never be enough for a child.
There seems to be some innate traits in kids that they hear but cannot remember or remember but cannot hear.
Also Mr Cane or Mrs Cane you call it has to be used at some point in their lives.
The good news is it won't be used forever if you use it right. If you do not know how to use it right, then better don't use lest you abuse.
What is \"use it right\"?
Do's and Don'ts of Caning
1. Use it to correct behaviours not for lack of performance
2. Use it to discipline not out of self-anger due to a bad day at work
3. Use it sparingly not regularly as in anything, conditioning kicks in
4. Use only a few firm strokes to serve the warning, not several strokes to leave ugly scars or marks
5. Use it in the absence of any other adults against it or you will be wrongly prohibited and undermined.
6. Use it in complementary with words of wisdom and not solely as a physical punishment and stop there
7. Use it to ensure your message is put across effectively, not when it is not effective
8. Use it firmly to drive your message across and not soften down to marshmellow after a while. If that is the case, don't bother to engage Mr or Mrs Cane, counterproductive and cause unnecessary hurt.
Hope my 8 tips help.
One is AS, so he is not bad, he doesn't know. The other one, once you hit the floor with a ruler, he jumps up. So, I don't want to scare him. I guess the cane does not work for everyone, and definitely must be used sparingly. Just like the word 'no', if we keep saying 'no', the kids will do everything they want regardless of your 'no's', so I try to say yes to most things but when it is a no, it is a strict NO. -
Hey buddy, I must tell you I really have to humble myself and re-learn or unlearn some things as a parent. I only have one experience apart from looking after others' kids, you have 5, can't beat that kind of experience!
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ksi:
Hey buddy, I must tell you I really have to humble myself and re-learn or unlearn some things as a parent. I only have one experience apart from looking after others' kids, you have 5, can't beat that kind of experience!
We learn from each other, yah? I've got so much to learn as I uncover... I guess this journey will never end, and it helps to learn from each other!
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2ppaamm:
Sure! :hi5:ksi:
Hey buddy, I must tell you I really have to humble myself and re-learn or unlearn some things as a parent. I only have one experience apart from looking after others' kids, you have 5, can't beat that kind of experience!
We learn from each other, yah? I've got so much to learn as I uncover... I guess this journey will never end, and it helps to learn from each other! The parenting journey is so much easier with like-minded parents around.
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2ppaamm:
But hitting the child with the hand is very painful for me, also... maybe my hands are too bony? :lol: or my technique is wrong.
Got such thing arh... technique wrong? :laugh:
Yes, i too feel pain when done with my hands..
Too hard mebbe..? :oops:2ppaamm:
No need to guess... :rotflmao:In any case, now that they are all big, I don't have a cane in the house anymore. They seem to go missing all the time, anyway... I don't want to guess why...
We used to make our mumsie's cane / canes disappear a lot too!
Then came rulers and feather dusters and.... :roll: -
LKVM:
Maybe.... but still I feel using external objects on my kid is not my cup of tea(just my opinion).....
On the contrary, i've heard and read that hitting or punishingbuds:
[quote=\"LKVM\"]My hands are enuf :evil:
btw DH says my hands quite hard
with one's own hands have worse effects on a child's emotional
psyche as compared to using a third party (object eg. cane)... cos
of the touch from skin to skin.
:P[/quote]:celebrate: Hey, no worries! :celebrate:
Different strokes for different folks! :hugs: -
mrswongtuition:
The logic is... Hand is for \"sayang\", not punishment.
That just about sums it up.
:celebrate:
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