All About Full-Time Maids

[ChiefKiasu]

buds hubs:

... If the offence is a prima-facie case

(eg; insufficient evidence, minimal loss or
restitutions have been made) ...

Ooh... do we now have a lawyer on board too? :love:

[buds hubs]

ChiefKiasu:

buds hubs:

... If the offence is a prima-facie case

(eg; insufficient evidence, minimal loss or
restitutions have been made) ...

Ooh... do we now have a lawyer on board too? :love:

Wah Chief, so fast got respond ah??

You can just regard me as your friendly KSP parent
cum cyberspace consultant..

[buds hubs]

Admummy:

.on the other hand, i feel not ethical to do so...my main concern is that it so happen that it's her fertile period during that period...i really dun want her to get preggy, so far i have already renewed her passport, work permit and even bought insurance for her...besides I need her back since i am expecting now....advise anyone pls?

Hi, I understand your dilemma and I also agree
that it is not ethical to so call \"force\" your maid to
consume the birth control pills. If she does make a
complaint, you may end up getting in trouble with
the authorities, depending on the type of allegations
levelled against you. :nunchuk:

Even if your maid agrees to take the pills voluntarily,
there is no guarantee that she would consume them
as prescribed during your absence or the 2 weeks
\"honeymoon\" period in Java.

Since you have already renewed her passport/ work
permit & insurance, I suggest that you have a talk with
your maid prior to her departure and \"STRESS\" to her
on the importance of her employment in SG. You could
probably remind her of the consequences if she does get
pregnant while working here and how it would affect her
family in Java if she gets sent back home.

If you have a good working relationship with your maid,
you may want to let her know of your plight and how you
value her services to you and your family thus far.

In my opinion, there is no fail-proof way of ensuring that
she doesn't get pregnant. It all boils down to mutual trust
and a weeeee bit of luck. . I suggest you pray hard
that \"IT\" doesnt happen... Hope this helps.

Cheers! :celebrate:

[tamarind]

Admummy:

My maid is gg back to Java for 2 wks leave before returning to Singapore to renew another 2 yrs contract with me. This is the first time she going back since aug 2007. I am really worried that she will get pregnant when she return. I ever consulted a GP during my maid's 6mthly checkup about my concern. GP advice was to prescribe birth control pills for her (2 mths only)...i am in dilemma now...on one hand, i feel like proceeding with it on the other hand, i feel not ethical to do so...my main concern is that it so happen that it's her fertile period during that period...i really dun want her to get preggy, so far i have already renewed her passport, work permit and even bought insurance for her...besides I need her back since i am expecting now....advise anyone pls?

Please remember that the maid is your employee, she is only working for you because you pay her salary every month. We should treat our maid in the same way as we are treated by our employers. Do our employers make us take birth control pills ?

The maid is an individual, a human being with her own rights. It is important to treat her with respect and dignity. She is not our relative working for us for free. We have no right to decide her future for her. The maid is also not a stupid village girl who will just take in whatever you do to her. She knows her rights, and she will feel resentful against you. Remember that even if the maid is not pregnant, she can always choose not to work for you and find a new employer. How are you going to stop her ? I have heard of maids who asked to change employer right after the baby was born, because the maid found it too tiring to take care of a baby.

Employing a maid is always a gamble. We never know what is going to happen. If she does get pregnant, you can immediately send her back, and you will not lose your security bond. Then get a new maid. I know that you will lose money if you change maid, but that is no choice. If you want to employ a maid, you must be prepared to lose money, unless you are very lucky. I have sent back a maid(she asked to leave) when I was pregnant with my second baby, and my first baby was less than 1 year old. So I know how tough it is. But there is no choice.

A maid can get pregnant even in Singapore, she can easily find a boyfriend here. Are we going to make all maids take birth control pills ?

My advise is, like I wrote above, treat the maid in the same way as we are treated by our employers. An employee comes and goes. We also cannot expect a maid to work for us forever.

[Admummy]

buds hubs:

Admummy:

.on the other hand, i feel not ethical to do so...my main concern is that it so happen that it's her fertile period during that period...i really dun want her to get preggy, so far i have already renewed her passport, work permit and even bought insurance for her...besides I need her back since i am expecting now....advise anyone pls?

Hi, I understand your dilemma and I also agree
that it is not ethical to so call \"force\" your maid to
consume the birth control pills. If she does make a
complaint, you may end up getting in trouble with
the authorities, depending on the type of allegations
levelled against you. :nunchuk:

Even if your maid agrees to take the pills voluntarily,
there is no guarantee that she would consume them
as prescribed during your absence or the 2 weeks
\"honeymoon\" period in Java.

Since you have already renewed her passport/ work
permit & insurance, I suggest that you have a talk with
your maid prior to her departure and \"STRESS\" to her
on the importance of her employment in SG. You could
probably remind her of the consequences if she does get
pregnant while working here and how it would affect her
family in Java if she gets sent back home.

If you have a good working relationship with your maid,
you may want to let her know of your plight and how you
value her services to you and your family thus far.

In my opinion, there is no fail-proof way of ensuring that
she doesn't get pregnant. It all boils down to mutual trust
and a weeeee bit of luck. . I suggest you pray hard
that \"IT\" doesnt happen... Hope this helps.

Cheers! :celebrate:

Buds Hubs / Tamarind,
I have very good working relationship with this maid...she has helped to take care of my son since he was abt 6 mths old and she treated him like her own son..she was very protective over him to the extend that when we wanted to discipline him, she would try to stop us...so i really don't bear to lose her.....We had a talk before i renewed her permit, passport and insurance, she said she needs to earn more money for her family in Java so she would like to continue the contract with me...At that point, i've reminded her about the importance of not getting preggy, etc. She fully understood...but accident could happen....trust me, i've never habor the thought of control pills until the GP gave the suggestion! Now come to think of it, how could he suggested something like this....I fully agree with Tamarind that we should respect the rights of the maid....that is why something inside me told me it's not right....but i guess the selfish part in me \"blinded\" me....I feel so relieved now that i've brought this out in this KiasuParent forum coz u gals/guys have knocked some sense into me...I guess if i \"blur blur\" and go ahead with the pills anything happen, i would live in guilt forever!!! I am clear now, i guess I have to trust her and if she really strike the jackpot, i just got to let her go and get a replacement...thks again for spending time to enlighten me on this issue...I really appreaciate it!!

[rocklee]

Hi Admummy


Two years ago, I faced the same problem as you. Back then, I had a filipino maid who worked for me for 4 years. She was well-liked by my family, even my relatives and friends. My children were very attached to her too. I gave her one month home leave and before she went back, I had repeatedly stressed the importance of not getting herself pregnant while on leave. I had also explained the consequences to her. I even told her to take precautions as I knew she had a boyfriend back home. Despite all these reminders, she came back and a few weeks later, she was pregnant. She told me she got married during her leave. I guessed, being newly wed, they were just to "excited". I was extremely upset at the news. She told me she took precaution BUT only after the act was committed! So what can I say!? While I had to arrange to send her back, I stopped her from doing all the heavy household chores, just in case she might get miscarriage. I wouldn’t want to feel guilty for the rest of my life, you know. Anger aside, I still gave her some money cos I knew life would be hard for her and I appreciated her service for the past 4 years. After this drama, I had to go through the recruitment exercise and training all over again. Life just gotto move on, ya.

So I guess, as employers, if we had explained all the consequences to them, we would have done our part. The rest is really up to them. I believe, the maids should be mature enough to know what is more important to them. So GOOD LUCK!

[tamarind]

[quote]I fully agree with Tamarind that we should respect the rights of the maid....that is why something inside me told me it's not right....but i guess the selfish part in me \"blinded\" me....I feel so relieved now that i've brought this out in this KiasuParent forum coz u gals/guys have knocked some sense into me...I guess if i \"blur blur\" and go ahead with the pills anything happen, i would live in guilt forever!!![/quote]
Admummy,
When I was reading your first post, I do feel that you know it is not right But as mommies we will tend to do the best to protect our own interest, that is very natural.

Anyway, if your maid really wants to work for you, don't worry. Maids have a way to make sure that they don't get pregnant. My ex Indonesian maid told me that they can take an injection or something to stop them from getting pregnant. I have even heard of maids who took something to stop having menses ! So don't worry, maids nowadays are smarter than we think.

[quote]if we had explained all the consequences to them, we would have done our part. [/quote]rocklee,
I totally agree with you

[Admummy]

rocklee:

Hi Admummy


Two years ago, I faced the same problem as you. Back then, I had a filipino maid who worked for me for 4 years. She was well-liked by my family, even my relatives and friends. My children were very attached to her too. I gave her one month home leave and before she went back, I had repeatedly stressed the importance of not getting herself pregnant while on leave. I had also explained the consequences to her. I even told her to take precautions as I knew she had a boyfriend back home. Despite all these reminders, she came back and a few weeks later, she was pregnant. She told me she got married during her leave. I guessed, being newly wed, they were just to \"excited\". I was extremely upset at the news. She told me she took precaution BUT only after the act was committed! So what can I say!? While I had to arrange to send her back, I stopped her from doing all the heavy household chores, just in case she might get miscarriage. I wouldn't want to feel guilty for the rest of my life, you know. Anger aside, I still gave her some money cos I knew life would be hard for her and I appreciated her service for the past 4 years. After this drama, I had to go through the recruitment exercise and training all over again. Life just gotto move on, ya.

So I guess, as employers, if we had explained all the consequences to them, we would have done our part. The rest is really up to them. I believe, the maids should be mature enough to know what is more important to them. So GOOD LUCK!

Rocklee,
thks sharing your experience and wishing me good luck.... i need LOTS of it....especially now that i am expecting no. 3...cannot imagine having to go through the cycle of selecting, training, adjusting to the pattern of a new maid ....

anyway, how did u find out your maid was preggy then? Did she tell you? When my maid return (she will be away for 2 weeks in Sep), I also dunno whether she's preggy or not coz some may not display any signs of pregnancy...i can check by asking her whether her menses late in Oct but what if she lied to me? or sometimes due to traveling her menses may be late....

if i were to wait till the 6 mthly health checkup (i.e. when MOM sent us the health checkup letter) then i guess by the time i discover she will be abt 3-4mths preggy.......the point is my edd will be in Dec, so timing is very tight for me....i need to know early so that i have time to prepare for the new maid before i can rest my mind and concentrate on my delivery.

if she really get preggy, what am i suppose to do next? actually for her trip this sep, i will withholding $500 in her bank account since need to maintain minimum sum mah.... anyway, the amount of money she bringing over (excluding the $500) should be enuff for her....can i deduct from her pay for the cost of insurance, passport, renewal of permit?

besides warning her not to get preggy, what are some other tips that i should take before she fly off and return?

Pls pardon me for asking so many questions... i'm a very KIASU person, I like to preamp a lot of scenario so that i know what's the next course of action to take...i hate to feel helpless and unprepared....

[buds]

No worries Admummy... all your reservations and worries are absolutely

understandable. From your recent postings, i can feel your plight, dear..
Being preggy with the hormones raging... Feeling helpless of the unknown
future... of the possibility that your current maid may/might disappoint
you, regardless of the countless talks and advices you've had/shared
with her... The worry how things will take on from the time when you
realise she may get preggy and a whole lotta other stuff going on your
mind right now...

It is ALL totally understandable and you have my love, hun... :love:

However, there may also be a chance that having worked a great working
relationship with you and your family, your valued maid will know how
much she is valued by you... and how much you do treat her as your
own.. trusting her with your baby till she treats baby like her own and
stuff... and KNOWS that she needs this job here to help her family back
home...

There is a chance that she is the responsible sort & has fond attachments
to you and your family, who have treated her well thus far... and cannot
wait to come back to SG during her time there.

Try to have time to also enjoy your pregnancy at the same time. Have
time to pamper yourself with cravings, soft massages or just the stuff
you enjoy doing before the delivery.

When you are positive, your baby will feel the positivity... You won't want
bb to be a worrier don't you? You've done all you can to ensure all aspects
of her leaving for Java is taken care of already... and after that long a time
working for you, your maid also needs her break... Just like us.

It's fine to worry a bit and be on the cautious side, it is only human...
But do take care of your health and your baby too, dear...

Hugs from buds...

:hugs:

[Admummy]

buds,


i am so touched....you totally understood my plight, worries and all that i am going through...

i never expected a total stranger in a forum could give me such a morale booster at this juncture of my life....indeed, my physical and mental health have been taking roller coaster ride...felt lousy, negative and paranoid all the time...

but like you said.. i really need to think positive... for me, for bb for my 2 loving kids and all that who care for me...

I am thankful, buds, for knowing you, for all the positive words and encouragement that you have given me....may all things that u're going through be smooth sailing and happy too...take care