Asian Mums are more SUPERIOR?
-
E3:
Yup, truly high ability kids work hard and play harder. cos the latter is what makes life fulfilling!
On the other hand, I had taught many high-ability kids before. They are now in their twenties and still in contact with me. From what I had observed, these students, with PSLE scores of above 270, ended up well in their respective courses. Socially, they are thriving as well, much better than myself when I was their age. They are forever busy with social activities, yet coping excellently academically. These kids have parents who had high expectations when they were still in their primary school days. I met their parents personally during the PTMs. I know how much work the kids had to do at home because they wrote notes to share with me about their busy home schedules. Still, many of them are proud of their own parents, even now, which could only mean that their parents must have done something right.
As parents, we can provide activities and a structure at home such that our kids develop enthusiasm, inner resources for doing things. What keeps them going? Often, it's the relationships that inspire them. When they are still young, we build bridges, a relationship of trust and love; when they reach their teenage years, we build a common ground, a connection for both parents and child to understand one another, yet respecting one another's privacy; when they reach adulthood, we build faith, so that they know any crisis can be overcome, an inner strength of resilience. It all boils down to open, positive communication, upbringing and striking a balance.
Really like your last para! I am going to paste it somewhere to remind myself heh heh.
-
E3:
:goodpost:I am a mother with 3 young children, and my youngest is still in the Terrible Twos stage. I enjoy reading postings in this thread, particularly from some admirable mothers here. I might not be the most experienced parent to comment here but I would still love to share a few of my own observations from other people's kids. I agree that strict and anal retentive parenting will result in negative effects in the kids. I had seen kids rebelling against this set of parents. However, this could also be that the parents had tagged recognition with perfectionistic results. Both parents and kids had become prisoners of their own perfect expectations, thus resulting in their lack of social skills because they had become self-conscious. They had lost the perspective of successes and failures.
On the other hand, I had taught many high-ability kids before. They are now in their twenties and still in contact with me. From what I had observed, these students, with PSLE scores of above 270, ended up well in their respective courses. Socially, they are thriving as well, much better than myself when I was their age. They are forever busy with social activities, yet coping excellently academically. These kids have parents who had high expectations when they were still in their primary school days. I met their parents personally during the PTMs. I know how much work the kids had to do at home because they wrote notes to share with me about their busy home schedules. Still, many of them are proud of their own parents, even now, which could only mean that their parents must have done something right.
As parents, we can provide activities and a structure at home such that our kids develop enthusiasm, inner resources for doing things. What keeps them going? Often, it's the relationships that inspire them. When they are still young, we build bridges, a relationship of trust and love; when they reach their teenage years, we build a common ground, a connection for both parents and child to understand one another, yet respecting one another's privacy; when they reach adulthood, we build faith, so that they know any crisis can be overcome, an inner strength of resilience. It all boils down to open, positive communication, upbringing and striking a balance.
Thus, all hope is not lost.
-
What a great post, E3 ! Thank you for sharing. The last paragraph brought a lump to my throat.
-
Another article to share. This is what Chinese mothers do to their daughters in China :
“狠心妈”把13岁女孩逼成全能手
“才艺只是孩子的一个特长，我想让她真正懂得如何生活，才是家长最应该为她做的。”郭芷彤的妈妈说。
13岁女孩郭芷彤，具有同龄人所不具备的多种能耐。弹古筝获得全国金奖；自己能作曲，会吹长笛；洗衣、做饭、收拾家，样样精通，是个自理的小能手。郭芷彤的这些能耐，都是被她“狠心”的母亲逼出来的。
郭芷彤被同学誉为“小才女”，刚学了4年古筝的她，就在全国的大型比赛中多次获奖。今年8月份，她一连拿到两项大奖——蒲公英第十届（2010）青少年优秀艺术新人选拔活动少年组古筝专业金奖，“海之旅”全国青少年艺术特长展演活动总决赛少年A组特金奖。她的指导老师、大连市古筝协会秘书长张福秋老师评价说：“全国各地专业的、业余的选手都在一起比赛，获得这样的成绩真的很不容易。 ”
除了古筝外，郭芷彤还跟作曲家、指挥家周兆利学习作曲。有时在课间休息时，灵感一来，她随手就写了一段曲子，然后轻声哼唱起来，同学们很是羡慕。“她还会长笛，气息比男孩子都足。 ”郭芷彤的同学抢先说。
在小区里，左邻右舍、男女老少都夸奖郭家的女孩“有出息”，因为她是个自理的小能手，洗衣、做饭、收拾家，样样精通。一个13岁的女孩，晚上父母下班后，她已经做好了晚饭，早上父母还没起床，她已经帮忙热好了牛奶。“谁家有这样的孩子，可真是有福哟。 ”一位70多岁的老人夸奖说。西红柿炒蛋、青椒木耳、辣炒蚬子……清淡的家常菜，被小芷彤做得色、香、味俱全。郭妈妈王女士说，“复杂的菜品不会做，她爸说她的家常菜比我做得还好吃呢。 ”郭芷彤偶尔还给父母做寿司，是跟着电视学的。“女儿的这份心，当妈真的很感动。 ”王女士说。
“这还不都是被我妈‘逼迫’出来的呀，哎……”郭芷彤玩笑间还是透露出母亲对她的严厉。 10岁时她就开始自己上、下学了，一个人背着大书包，奔走于古筝老师和作曲老师家，每次都要倒好几次公交车。“我也想让妈妈接送我，可她总说没有时间，别人的妈妈也上班，却有时间接送孩子。 ”郭芷彤抱怨着。
王女士自己也“坦白”，为了让女儿能够独立，她曾经下了“狠心”。“有几天我故意不做饭，看女儿怎么办，看她眼巴巴坐在餐桌前，等着饭吃，我当时真有点不忍心，但我还是忍了，直到她主动跟我说：‘妈妈，你教我做饭吧！ ’我立即就拿起了勺子。 ”
现在女儿完全能够自理，王女士很欣慰。郭芷彤也由起初的不理解，到现在自己不再发愁生活，感到很开心。“才艺只是孩子的一个特长，我想让她真正懂得如何生活，才是家长最应该为她做的。 ”
《半岛晨报》
I wish I can train my daughter like that too, I mean the cooking part -
tamarind:
I think.....王女士自己也“坦白”，为了让女儿能够独立，她曾经下了“狠心”。“有几天我故意不做饭，看女儿怎么办，看她眼巴巴坐在餐桌前，等着饭吃，我当时真有点不忍心，但我还是忍了，直到她主动跟我说：‘妈妈，你教我做饭吧！ ’我立即就拿起了勺子。 ”
现在女儿完全能够自理，王女士很欣慰。郭芷彤也由起初的不理解，到现在自己不再发愁生活，感到很开心。“才艺只是孩子的一个特长，我想让她真正懂得如何生活，才是家长最应该为她做的。 ”
《半岛晨报》
I wish I can train my daughter like that too, I mean the cooking part
We do have to 'harden our hearts' at time and stop 'babying' our kids.
Thankfully, I have a little boy who loves to get things done on his own if possible.
-
My boy refuses to go for wushu class, and after reading some of these posts, I think I must be cruel enough to send him! :lol:
He is very lazy and he doesnt want to do more than what he needs to do. And sometimes, he would 偷懒, skipping steps. How do u manage such children? :?
Give in or be hard? I explain to him why he needs to do, but I explained until no breath already he is still the same. :x -
smurf:
honestly i dun think there's anything u can say to change his mind. maybe once in a while, show him what other accomplished wushu competitors can do. n tell him its not done in a single day, he needs to practice everyday for many years b4 he can achieve his accomplishmts. see if u get him to start thinkg n hopefully, start doing. i firmly believe the motivation has to come from the child himself.My boy refuses to go for wushu class, and after reading some of these posts, I think I must be cruel enough to send him! :lol:
He is very lazy and he doesnt want to do more than what he needs to do. And sometimes, he would 偷懒, skipping steps. How do u manage such children? :?
Give in or be hard? I explain to him why he needs to do, but I explained until no breath already he is still the same. :x -
在小区里，左邻右舍、男女老少都夸奖郭家的女孩“有出息”，因为她是个自理的小能手，洗衣、做饭、收拾家，样样精通。一个13岁的女孩，晚上父母下班后，她已经做好了晚饭，早上父母还没起床，她已经帮忙热好了牛奶。“谁家有这样的孩子，可真是有福哟。 ”一位70多岁的老人夸奖说。西红柿炒蛋、青椒木耳、辣炒蚬子……清淡的家常菜，被小芷彤做得色、香、味俱全。郭妈妈王女士说，“复杂的菜品不会做，她爸说她的家常菜比我做得还好吃呢。 ”郭芷彤偶尔还给父母做寿司，是跟着电视学的。“女儿的这份心，当妈真的很感动。 ”王女士说。
Wah I am SO IMPRESSED by this part! The guzheng part is common, so many parents trying to make their kids prodigies at all expense. But the 洗衣、做饭、收拾家，样样精通 is really proof that the mum was putting her money where her mouth is when she said “才艺只是孩子的一个特长，我想让她真正懂得如何生活，才是家长最应该为她做的.”
Model DIL up for grabs man. -
I am a mother of three. Two sons and just delivered a daughter. Each one of them have different abilities and character. Just like everyone.
Every parent have their own expectations,beliefs, goals, etc in the upbringing of their children. We should never be judgmental about any parent because as parents ourselves, we do all we can to give our children the best we can provide.
There can never be a perfect set of parenting style, unless everyone are born with the same intelligence, wisdom, physic…etc so there can be no right or wrong answers.
Other than parenting our children, there are the environment and the social factors that can determine the ‘success’ of any child or anyone. Success is all defined differently by everyone, so it all depends on your objectives.
What we really should focus on and we tend to forget is to enjoy the moments and the activities with our children. Will they remember how hard you train them to play the piano or how much they enjoyed playing the piano with you encouraging them and praising them along the way?
Before we know it they will start working and start having their own family and when we’re old, they will not allow us to go to the toilet, watch TV, sleep in the maid’s room, keep quiet…worse is to put us in a ‘child care centre’ (as in old folks home)…etc
My biggest fear is not whether my children will succeed in life (of course I make sure their grades are on the right track) but whether they will grow up enjoying their childhood and enjoying being with me and sharing their life with me until they get married.
So lets just enjoy, watch and guide as our children grow up, make mistakes and start their own family.
Mamalicious Alicia -
Research study weighing in on Tiger Mother...
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/your-inner-bonobo/201101/does-the-tigress-mother-work-new-study-kids-and-self-control
Hello! It looks like you're interested in this conversation, but you don't have an account yet.
Getting fed up of having to scroll through the same posts each visit? When you register for an account, you'll always come back to exactly where you were before, and choose to be notified of new replies (either via email, or push notification). You'll also be able to save bookmarks and upvote posts to show your appreciation to other community members.
With your input, this post could be even better 💗
Register Login