my husband is a shopaholic and a toy addict.

[mistychances]

thank you so much for your replies It actually makes me feel better coz at least i'm able to let out all my frustrations and not get shot down ;))


actually i've done what you guys have mentioned
- accompanied him on his play trips ( but that was when my 1st one was still in preschool & 2nd one not born yet)
I've thot about it - since i cannot beat him, i'll join him. So i forced myself to get into what he's doing - but then i realised that my kids are neglected coz daddy's toys - the little ones cannot touch.
I didn't want to tire myself any further, so i quit joining him.

- I told him to put all his stuff in his parents place. He went to look for warehouse but found too expensive and 'bo hua'', so back into our house.
Frankly, 90% of the things in the house belong to him. From, shirt to shoes to toys to dvds to toys! whatever he can buy, he'll buy.

- worse thing is, he'll spend sleepless nights to repair / play with his toys. Sometimes, never even sleep then go to work. I really wonder where he finds the energy. But when ask him to accompany us to watch tv, he'll sleep 5 mins into the show ;(

- i have resigned myself to being a single parent. And sometimes that makes me very mad coz I think he can help me with the little one when I'm teaching my p5, but instead he'll just meddle with his own toys or sleeps ;(

[Funz]

Hey there, I can so identify with how you feel.


DH was like that, well to a certain extent he is still like that. He is a shopper, he will buy and buy and buy. Clothes, gadgets, toys, etc. He had many interests as well, bowling, golf, soccer, mahjong, etc. If he was not out for his whatever games, he was in front of his computer organising his music library in which he has thousands of songs. We used to quarrel over his time management and spending. Even now, if you take a peek into our closet, he takes up about 70% of the space.

He said he needed all that to unwind and he shopped as a form of stress relieve. He would be out of the house at 7am and home only at like 2-3am. Weekends would be taken up either by golf or mahjong. So most of the time I was alone. We fought over it so he cut back on his bowling and golf and stayed at home but instead of spending time with us, he spent his time in front of the computer.

Things reached a breaking point before he realised that he was loosing us. So we reached a compromise, he will limit his golf to Saturdays, Sundays and public holidays are all for the family. As for weekdays, he will limit to soccer once a week and make it back for dinner as much as possible. As he started spending more time with us, he realised that he enjoys the kids’ company. As much as possible we will plan some activities with the kids on Sundays and Public Holidays. After some time, he kinda automatically reduced more of his activities and spent more time with the family.

As for the buying, well, he still buys but most of the time it will things meant for the family or kids.

Talk to your DH, recognise that he needs his time and space and let him know that you know that and accept that. Let him know that you need him as well. Then work out a schedule that both of you can live with.

Hope things will improve for you.

[kaitlynangelica]

My husband is like that as well except that I think its a little better. For a man, he is terribly vain and needs to keep on buying clothes. Before our child came, he spent a lot on the car. At that time, our combined income was only 7k, but he insisted on buying a car. He had hardly any savings. I remember until the age of 32, he had bardly even 20k in the bank account. Thats why we put off having kids for 3 years after marriage. When we finally decided to have a child, I had to agree to paying for the maid or we would never have had a baby. Maybe my expectations are high, but I think a man must have savings, investments and insurance. I was terribly upset that he didn’t plan for our dd. While other parents were busy sending their kids off to enrichment classes ( which IMO is necessary to let the child have an added advantage ), he was only interested in gratifying his own needs. He said he needed it as he was stressed and depressed that his career was going nowhere. He’s better now thankfully but still keeps on buying new shirts, sports wear etc etc…

[tankee]

Look on the bright side, it could have been much worse.


He could have been addicted to :

- gambling
- drinking
- clubbing
- pornography
- has an affair or affairs

Luckily he is no. :celebrate:

Perhaps you could try to join him and make it a family affair. After all you have 2 boys, and boys generally like rc toys.

[3Boys]

tankee:

Look on the bright side, it could have been much worse.


He could have been addicted to :

- gambling
- drinking
- clubbing
- pornography
- has an affair or affairs

Luckily he is no. :celebrate:

Perhaps you could try to join him and make it a family affair. After all you have 2 boys, and boys generally like rc toys.

Errr.........let me see if my wife would buy those excuses next time I pick up a bad habit.

[peapot]

kaitlynangelica & Funz, Wow! reading your posts makes me realise that I am not alone. Because whenever I complain to my friends, none of their husbands are like that. At one point, I really thought I might have married the wrong man!! I even have a friend who told me that her husband would park at the URA carpark and use 50cents coupon and walked 15mins distance to the shopping mall to save the $2 per entry in shopping mall carpark.


I was like "Wa!! Wow!! Hah??" Because this will never happen in my household. My husband also spend alot on clothes. He likes to spend on big ticket items. He says now he can afford it, he wants to buy it. So can you imagine my frustration!!! He pays for the household expense but so do I. He spend his money on shares, car and boat!! He never give me a lumpsum of money to save. He gives me money only on my birthday. I thought all men gives their wives money monthly regardless whether the wife is working or not!! But not my husband!!! Sigh!!

[sleepy]

3Boys:

tankee:

Look on the bright side, it could have been much worse.


He could have been addicted to :

- gambling
- drinking
- clubbing
- pornography
- has an affair or affairs

Luckily he is no. :celebrate:

Perhaps you could try to join him and make it a family affair. After all you have 2 boys, and boys generally like rc toys.

Errr.........let me see if my wife would buy those excuses next time I pick up a bad habit.

:rotflmao:

[sleepy]

Funz:

We fought over it so he cut back on his bowling and golf and stayed at home but instead of spending time with us, he spent his time in front of the computer.


So we reached a compromise, he will limit his golf to Saturdays, Sundays and public holidays are all for the family. As for weekdays, he will limit to soccer once a week and make it back for dinner as much as possible.

Mine too, super siao golf. Can play everyday. He's either at the range every evening after work or take leave to go to the green. If I say something slightly negative like he's spending too much on green fee, he would accuse me of not being supportive. I explained to him that I'm supportive of him having a hobby but there must be a balance, not to the point of obsession with such high commitment in terms of time & money

Spending money aside, he's also spending time away from the kids. He believes he is being 顾家 by giving me his entire salary to manage finance at home & he doesn't play golf overseas in Bintan or Malaysia every weekends, unlike his colleagues. I disagreed. His colleagues are either single or with teenage kids. Ours are young children in primary school & they need our time & attention. I expect him to be home immediately after work to help supervise our kids.

I need him to sit wth dd2 to practise piano - I'm tone deaf so I can't handle music.
I need him to coach dd1 in Mathematics - I'm already overwhelmed with English, Chinese, Science.
I need him to ta bao some dishes immediately after work on those days when I'm too tired to cook or fridge ran out of food (nearest supermarket not within walking distance so we only go marketing once a week) but how to rely on him to ta bao if he reaches home so late after playing at the driving range?

I think I've exploded quite a few times. I'm usually quite demure so after a handful of quarrels, I guess it finally sink into him that he exceeded my tolerance level.

We sort of strike an agreement. During kids' lesson time, he can play golf. We would also keep an active look out for credit cards lobang to save on green fees. And I told him my expectations. He must be home in the evenings to coach dd2 with piano. If dd2 doesn't make it to grade 5 by end of next year due to his lack of supervision, I will make sure I saw all his golf clubs. :evil:

[peapot]

Wa Sleepy!! He gives his whole salary toyou!!! If only I have set this criteria while looking for a man when I was dating!!! So very naive of me. I didn’t know my thinking will change as I aged!!

[peapot]

I also realised something. If the man does not have a habit of giving monthly allowance to his parents before he is married, then he will also not give money to the wife. because he has never given money to the parents so he may feel the pinch if he needs to give money to his future wife!!