Advice - Divorce or Not to Divorce

[tracytmks]

yesterday my gal was telling me she was talking to him on the phone. He told her i don't love your mummy anymore, don't want her already also know that i call him that why refuse to answer my call. How could he tell my gal all these things. He thinks he is in the right, because of me that me him go and stray or a person stray and wants to push all the blame to the other spouse? All the while he did not financially support my kids for their school fees, diapers, milk powder etc. The house power supply bills, town council fees all are being paid by me. He has the money rather choose to spend on the scandal then to contribute to the house. How could he be so hard hearted and blaming me for all these. He is treating the house like hotel comes back very late and go to work so early. I am also a human he thinks i can stand all this nonsense? I am trying to keep cool and he do and says all these things to made me lose my patience again.

:mad: :mad:

[sall]

Having grown up in a #$%^* family, I always wonder why my mum did not have the courage to divorce that bas#*@# who treated her and us so badly. Some people said that for the sake of the children, a couple should not divorce. But from my personal experience, my mum and her children will be much better off if she could muster the courage to divorce her husband. If the wife really cares about her kids, she should protect herself and her kids by getting a divorce, especially if his attitude gets from bad to worse. Some men are beyond hope, no amount of counselling will help.

We suffered so many years under the tyrancy of that ba$%#8d. My mum is still suffering now.
Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not promoting divorce, but if things are very very bad, divorce seems to be the wisest option.

[yuanyuan mama]

Hi Sall,


Reading your post is like reading my own story. My mum did not take the courage to divorce him as she was not financially independent and not willing to let go. She’s not only putting herself but all of us under a very extreme stressful environment to grow up. She’s been taking medication till now and all of us carry a permanent emotional scar till today. If she took the courage to withdraw us from this situation, all of us will be a happier person today.

[LOLMum]

my advice to all friends, working or sahm, always keep your own private $$$$. you never know what the future is going to be.


if really cant fix the marriage, cut the losses and start a new life with your kids.

take care :hugs:

[sall]

yuanyuan mama:

Hi Sall,


Reading your post is like reading my own story. My mum did not take the courage to divorce him as she was not financially independent and not willing to let go. She's not only putting herself but all of us under a very extreme stressful environment to grow up. She's been taking medication till now and all of us carry a permanent emotional scar till today. If she took the courage to withdraw us from this situation, all of us will be a happier person today.

Hi yuanyuan mama, my mum had to take 2 jobs as a maid to support the family. That bas#$% spent his pay on himself and his girlfriends. But she is a very traditional woman who believes that if she marries a man, she got to stick to him, that's a ridiculous chinese saying that is something like 'die also must be the ghost of that man's family'.
Also, it is a loss of face to divorce for her. They are just so irrational in the past. My mum treated that bas$%^ like a king, hoping that he'll be touched and will treat her better. The result is he took her for granted and treated her like a maid. Not only that, he terrorised us. I rather do without a father for my entire childhood than to have this ba$%^# for a father.

[yuanyuan mama]

OMG, my mother has exactly the same traditional thinking that divorce means losing face to relatives and friends, and once married a man, you will have to stay together until death tears apart. That’s why she never made the move even when all of us pleaded her to D. The hurt and the pain of domestic violence haunted us years till now with many nights waking up from cold sweat of having nightmare.


Until recently when I had a chance to ask her why she didn’t opt for D at that critical period of time, she told me "it has been past for so many years, what’s the point of talking it again" I was raged in a sense that because of your personal choice, it is not fair to subject us in such a miserable condition. All of my siblings including me growing up fine but not to the fullest. We were not protected and provided a safe and secure environment to grow up when we were supposed to. I think this is the basic need of every child and should be considered as priority when it comes to the decision of to Divorce or not.

[sall]

This is the view of the women 40 or 50 years ago. That’s why they suffered so much. Luckily, we have the chance to be educated, and thru education, we can cast away such traditional views and learn to fight for our rights.

Yes, the pain of verbal, emotional and physical abuse lingers on…

[3Boys]

sall:

Having grown up in a #$%^* family, I always wonder why my mum did not have the courage to divorce that bas#*@# who treated her and us so badly. Some people said that for the sake of the children, a couple should not divorce. But from my personal experience, my mum and her children will be much better off if she could muster the courage to divorce her husband. If the wife really cares about her kids, she should protect herself and her kids by getting a divorce, especially if his attitude gets from bad to worse. Some men are beyond hope, no amount of counselling will help.

We suffered so many years under the tyrancy of that ba$%#8d. My mum is still suffering now.
Please don't get me wrong, I'm not promoting divorce, but if things are very very bad, divorce seems to be the wisest option.

That's sad to hear. Certainly a marriage require both partners to work at it, if one partner does not care, then better to separate, as you say.

[Dark Hope]

Hi smartmummy


i didn't received your PM.

smartmummy:

Hi Dark Hope!
I have PM to you.Pleace check ur inbox

[smartmummy]

Dark Hope:

Hi smartmummy


i didn't received your PM.

smartmummy:

Hi Dark Hope!
I have PM to you.Pleace check ur inbox

Oh! what happend to my pm?Is any technical fault.
Anyway I send again.Sorry for the incident.
Thanks for telling me.
May be you have got from concern_parent.I have changed my name recently.
That time I was new to the forum,may be I did wrongly :?