Growing apart
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Chenonceau:
Ha my hubby is also like that. Think i only received flowers once and i don't remember exactly when. No romantic dinners. Spending time means sitting in the same room doing different things. I also don't get asked whether i'm better when i'm ill.Anybody heard of the 5 languages of love?
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/
My husband's idea of spending time together is you sit there and I read my newspaper. To get him to praise me, I grab his newspapers and sit on them and say \"Repeat after me... You are a wonderful wife.\" If I am ill, he never asks how I am. Never in his life has he even booked a romantic spot for dinner. As for flowers, the 1st time he gave me ONE flower was when I threw a tantrum asking for flowers. The 2nd time, he gave me a bouquet and I was in the midst of a tantrum already so I threw it down the chute. So... our flower track record is dismal. I praise him a lot but he only praises me when I ask him to repeat after me, and even then, for many years, he looked very constipated whilst doing so.
My husband expresses his love with Acts of Service. He'll take my car out every weekend and top it up. He fills out all my forms. I've never had to even fill out IRAS. He makes appointments for car servicing. He would travel 8hrs every alternate weekend to spend 12 hours with me and then travel 8 hours back to his place... for 12 months. When the kids were small, he woke up at 4.30 every night to help with the morning feed. He rescues me from out of the way places when the tyre is flat or when I stupidly forgot to top up. He will wake up bleary eyed in the middle of the night and come downstairs to get me so that I dun have to take the lift up alone. He comes home for dinner as many nights as his schedule allows. He stands up for me vis-a-vis his mother. He used to vacuum the floor when our vacuum cleaner was big and heavy and hard to use. When there is no maid, he washes the dishes every day, quietly and without fanfare. I wash the toilets and everything else.
It helps that Acts of Service is what I understand to be love. I've always felt flowers and words and romantic dinners and hugs to be somewhat superficial and insincere... because I somehow am programmed to receive love in the form of Acts of Service.
I express love with hugs and kisses and words. Luckily for us, he understands my expression of love. HE doesn't find me insincere. Phew!
But he does a lot of seemingly routine things for me like charging my phone, etc and I do appreciate what he does for me.
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Chenonceau:
Yup read the book years ago. So did my friends. Problem is their partners did not subscribe to what is suggested in the book. To a certain extent, that book helped them realise that all is not lost but the problem is, they still need to receive 'love' in the language that is more effective for them, not struggling to decode one all the time.Anybody heard of the 5 languages of love?
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/
My husband's idea of spending time together is you sit there and I read my newspaper. To get him to praise me, I grab his newspapers and sit on them and say \"Repeat after me... You are a wonderful wife.\" If I am ill, he never asks how I am. Never in his life has he even booked a romantic spot for dinner. As for flowers, the 1st time he gave me ONE flower was when I threw a tantrum asking for flowers. The 2nd time, he gave me a bouquet and I was in the midst of a tantrum already so I threw it down the chute. So... our flower track record is dismal. I praise him a lot but he only praises me when I ask him to repeat after me, and even then, for many years, he looked very constipated whilst doing so.
My husband expresses his love with Acts of Service. He'll take my car out every weekend and top it up. He fills out all my forms. I've never had to even fill out IRAS. He makes appointments for car servicing. He would travel 8hrs every alternate weekend to spend 12 hours with me and then travel 8 hours back to his place... for 12 months. When the kids were small, he woke up at 4.30 every night to help with the morning feed. He rescues me from out of the way places when the tyre is flat or when I stupidly forgot to top up. He will wake up bleary eyed in the middle of the night and come downstairs to get me so that I dun have to take the lift up alone. He comes home for dinner as many nights as his schedule allows. He stands up for me vis-a-vis his mother. He used to vacuum the floor when our vacuum cleaner was big and heavy and hard to use. When there is no maid, he washes the dishes every day, quietly and without fanfare. I wash the toilets and everything else.
It helps that Acts of Service is what I understand to be love. I've always felt flowers and words and romantic dinners and hugs to be somewhat superficial and insincere... because I somehow am programmed to receive love in the form of Acts of Service.
I express love with hugs and kisses and words. Luckily for us, he understands my expression of love. HE doesn't find me insincere. Phew! -
Funz:
Yeah... feeling love is all about the feeling, not the knowing. It's hard when the 2 persons' languages dun match 'cos you keep having to get your brain to tell your heart that you are loved. For my husband and I, our love languages do match. I interpret love from silent actions and have always been wary of flowers and dinners and wine. He interprets love from hugs and praises and has always been blind to the many things I do for him e.g., boil soups, buy his fave snacks.
Yup read the book years ago. So did my friends. Problem is their partners did not subscribe to what is suggested in the book. To a certain extent, that book helped them realise that all is not lost but the problem is, they still need to receive 'love' in the language that is more effective for them, not struggling to decode one all the time.Chenonceau:
Anybody heard of the 5 languages of love?
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/
My husband's idea of spending time together is you sit there and I read my newspaper. To get him to praise me, I grab his newspapers and sit on them and say \"Repeat after me... You are a wonderful wife.\" If I am ill, he never asks how I am. Never in his life has he even booked a romantic spot for dinner. As for flowers, the 1st time he gave me ONE flower was when I threw a tantrum asking for flowers. The 2nd time, he gave me a bouquet and I was in the midst of a tantrum already so I threw it down the chute. So... our flower track record is dismal. I praise him a lot but he only praises me when I ask him to repeat after me, and even then, for many years, he looked very constipated whilst doing so.
My husband expresses his love with Acts of Service. He'll take my car out every weekend and top it up. He fills out all my forms. I've never had to even fill out IRAS. He makes appointments for car servicing. He would travel 8hrs every alternate weekend to spend 12 hours with me and then travel 8 hours back to his place... for 12 months. When the kids were small, he woke up at 4.30 every night to help with the morning feed. He rescues me from out of the way places when the tyre is flat or when I stupidly forgot to top up. He will wake up bleary eyed in the middle of the night and come downstairs to get me so that I dun have to take the lift up alone. He comes home for dinner as many nights as his schedule allows. He stands up for me vis-a-vis his mother. He used to vacuum the floor when our vacuum cleaner was big and heavy and hard to use. When there is no maid, he washes the dishes every day, quietly and without fanfare. I wash the toilets and everything else.
It helps that Acts of Service is what I understand to be love. I've always felt flowers and words and romantic dinners and hugs to be somewhat superficial and insincere... because I somehow am programmed to receive love in the form of Acts of Service.
I express love with hugs and kisses and words. Luckily for us, he understands my expression of love. HE doesn't find me insincere. Phew! -
linden2000:
Lucky you and hubby!! :rahrah:
Ha my hubby is also like that. Think i only received flowers once and i don't remember exactly when. No romantic dinners. Spending time means sitting in the same room doing different things. I also don't get asked whether i'm better when i'm ill.Chenonceau:
Anybody heard of the 5 languages of love?
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/
My husband's idea of spending time together is you sit there and I read my newspaper. To get him to praise me, I grab his newspapers and sit on them and say \"Repeat after me... You are a wonderful wife.\" If I am ill, he never asks how I am. Never in his life has he even booked a romantic spot for dinner. As for flowers, the 1st time he gave me ONE flower was when I threw a tantrum asking for flowers. The 2nd time, he gave me a bouquet and I was in the midst of a tantrum already so I threw it down the chute. So... our flower track record is dismal. I praise him a lot but he only praises me when I ask him to repeat after me, and even then, for many years, he looked very constipated whilst doing so.
My husband expresses his love with Acts of Service. He'll take my car out every weekend and top it up. He fills out all my forms. I've never had to even fill out IRAS. He makes appointments for car servicing. He would travel 8hrs every alternate weekend to spend 12 hours with me and then travel 8 hours back to his place... for 12 months. When the kids were small, he woke up at 4.30 every night to help with the morning feed. He rescues me from out of the way places when the tyre is flat or when I stupidly forgot to top up. He will wake up bleary eyed in the middle of the night and come downstairs to get me so that I dun have to take the lift up alone. He comes home for dinner as many nights as his schedule allows. He stands up for me vis-a-vis his mother. He used to vacuum the floor when our vacuum cleaner was big and heavy and hard to use. When there is no maid, he washes the dishes every day, quietly and without fanfare. I wash the toilets and everything else.
It helps that Acts of Service is what I understand to be love. I've always felt flowers and words and romantic dinners and hugs to be somewhat superficial and insincere... because I somehow am programmed to receive love in the form of Acts of Service.
I express love with hugs and kisses and words. Luckily for us, he understands my expression of love. HE doesn't find me insincere. Phew!
But he does a lot of seemingly routine things for me like charging my phone, etc and I do appreciate what he does for me. -
Chenonceau:
Lucky you and hubby!! :rahrah:[/quote]Yap this is my DH too Sistas....simple act of love .... i probe for
Ha my hubby is also like that. Think i only received flowers once and i don't remember exactly when. No romantic dinners. Spending time means sitting in the same room doing different things. I also don't get asked whether i'm better when i'm ill.linden2000:
[quote=\"Chenonceau\"]Anybody heard of the 5 languages of love?
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/
My husband's idea of spending time together is you sit there and I read my newspaper. To get him to praise me, I grab his newspapers and sit on them and say \"Repeat after me... You are a wonderful wife.\" If I am ill, he never asks how I am. Never in his life has he even booked a romantic spot for dinner. As for flowers, the 1st time he gave me ONE flower was when I threw a tantrum asking for flowers. The 2nd time, he gave me a bouquet and I was in the midst of a tantrum already so I threw it down the chute. So... our flower track record is dismal. I praise him a lot but he only praises me when I ask him to repeat after me, and even then, for many years, he looked very constipated whilst doing so.
My husband expresses his love with Acts of Service. He'll take my car out every weekend and top it up. He fills out all my forms. I've never had to even fill out IRAS. He makes appointments for car servicing. He would travel 8hrs every alternate weekend to spend 12 hours with me and then travel 8 hours back to his place... for 12 months. When the kids were small, he woke up at 4.30 every night to help with the morning feed. He rescues me from out of the way places when the tyre is flat or when I stupidly forgot to top up. He will wake up bleary eyed in the middle of the night and come downstairs to get me so that I dun have to take the lift up alone. He comes home for dinner as many nights as his schedule allows. He stands up for me vis-a-vis his mother. He used to vacuum the floor when our vacuum cleaner was big and heavy and hard to use. When there is no maid, he washes the dishes every day, quietly and without fanfare. I wash the toilets and everything else.
It helps that Acts of Service is what I understand to be love. I've always felt flowers and words and romantic dinners and hugs to be somewhat superficial and insincere... because I somehow am programmed to receive love in the form of Acts of Service.
I express love with hugs and kisses and words. Luckily for us, he understands my expression of love. HE doesn't find me insincere. Phew!
But he does a lot of seemingly routine things for me like charging my phone, etc and I do appreciate what he does for me.
mine fair share until i get it ....while he is cutting the vegetable
\" tell me \" :heresmyfish: \" you love me\" now and he have to oblige. :faint: then i go away happy...not enough come back for more. -
My dominant language is physical touch followed by acts of service. DH’s is, words of affirmation followed by receiving gifts. So I get a lot of ‘I love you’ and ‘you look great’ and ‘thank you for choosing me’. And without fail, I will get flowers on special occasions and gifts for no reason.
Strange huh, so many wives are clamouring to hear such things from their husbands, and me, I am getting it all but those are not what I need or respond most to.
Not complaining though cos I know that is his way of showing me his love. -
Funz:
DH's is, words of affirmation followed by receiving gifts. So I get a lot of 'I love you' and 'you look great' and 'thank you for choosing me'. And without fail, I will get flowers on special occasions and gifts for no reason.
Your dh expessed his love to you based on his own love languages? :rahrah: -
My dh's love language is 'words of affirmation' and 'physical touch'. This is easy. I only need to sweet talk him and hold his hands when watching TV. We've the exact same love languages.
Interestingly, he doesn't express his love using his own languages. He expresses his love by 'act of service' so he does a fair bit of house chores voluntarily. Erh, still accetable la, that means I've less chores to do at home :evil: -
kiddo:
Haha! So cute!Yap this is my DH too Sistas....simple act of love .... i probe for
mine fair share until i get it ....while he is cutting the vegetable
\" tell me \" :heresmyfish: \" you love me\" now and he have to oblige. :faint: then i go away happy...not enough come back for more.
How about this though... I buy something I really like and then say to him \"This is a present that you bought for me because you love me. Say 'yes'\". He says 'yes' and if not enough, I go buy me some more pressies. That works great for me. -
sleepy:
My dh's love language is 'words of affirmation' and 'physical touch'. This is easy. I only need to sweet talk him and hold his hands when watching TV. We've the exact same love languages.
Interestingly, he doesn't express his love using his own languages. He expresses his love by 'act of service' so he does a fair bit of house chores voluntarily. Erh, still accetable la, that means I've less chores to do at home :evil:
Hey... that's like us!! I think I have an easier time. All I have to do is open my mouth and say \"I'm so glad you're by hubby\" or other soppy stuff. He actually has to DO stuff for me. But well... I ain't complaining. Nope nope... not complaining.
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