2009 DSA(Direct School Admission)

[kohjl]

mathsparks:

Hi kohjl,

I don't understand??? :? What's with the and sigh? Many parents would be whooping for joy if their child brings home more than 85.

Hope you've at least hugged him for such wonderful results and keep the sighing hidden from him. Even if their results are bad, we should be there to hug and encourage them and reassure them of our love for them regardless of their grades.

Thanks Dhama, Jennifer & mathsparks for yr comments and well wishes.

Yes, 95 /100 is very good, esp since it is a good school (one of those whose exam papers are photocopied and sold by vendors) and I am happy with the marks itself. But returning to mathsparks' question, \"What's with the and sigh?\" Do let me explain.

I always feel that as a mother, my role is to max the potential of my sons. My eldest is doing well in RI (and doing two RA subjects), and is happy-go-lucky at the same time. He is exam-smart, and not careless at all. So getting SMOP and other awards in Pr school were easy. He had a SMOPS Platinum Award in P6, and IP school doors were open with welcome mat for him.

Now, this P6 son is very much like his brother, EXCEPT for one thing - he is very very careless. Almost all the marks he consistently loses in Maths (and less so, but yes, in Science and English too) are for carelessness - simple things like adding wrongly, forgot to write the answer at the end, copy wrongly, read wrongly. As I always tell him, he loves to \"throw away\" marks. AND because of that, he will never be able to score the way his brother scored, nor get awards the way his brother gets awards, and will never do as well as his brother in exams. Not because he is less intelligent (in fact, I tell him that he is more intelligent than his Kor-kor; and that's the truth), but if he doesn't overcome this careless trait, the reality in Singapore's exam-oriented world is that he will always lose out.

Moreover, his Chinese is not that good, so he needs all the marks he can get for his other subjects. So very frankly, I am not overly optimistic for PSLE.

I am not sad for myself. But I am very sad for this P6 son because he has SO much potential but I can't seem to help him to reach it because of carelessness.

But yes, he knows I love him very much. I give them long hugs every nite before bed (yup, including my 16-year old), and this P6 son gets extra secret hugs cos he's my youngest and just plain cute!

[Jennifer]

kohjl:

I always feel that as a mother, my role is to max the potential of my sons. My eldest is doing well in RI (and doing two RA subjects), and is happy-go-lucky at the same time. He is exam-smart, and not careless at all. So getting SMOP and other awards in Pr school were easy. He had a SMOPS Platinum Award in P6, and IP school doors were open with welcome mat for him.


Now, this P6 son is very much like his brother, EXCEPT for one thing - he is very very careless. Almost all the marks he consistently loses in Maths (and less so, but yes, in Science and English too) are for carelessness - simple things like adding wrongly, forgot to write the answer at the end, copy wrongly, read wrongly. As I always tell him, he loves to \"throw away\" marks. AND because of that, he will never be able to score the way his brother scored, nor get awards the way his brother gets awards, and will never do as well as his brother in exams. Not because he is less intelligent (in fact, I tell him that he is more intelligent than his Kor-kor; and that's the truth), but if he doesn't overcome this careless trait, the reality in Singapore's exam-oriented world is that he will always lose out.

Moreover, his Chinese is not that good, so he needs all the marks he can get for his other subjects. So very frankly, I am not overly optimistic for PSLE.

I am not sad for myself. But I am very sad for this P6 son because he has SO much potential but I can't seem to help him to reach it because of carelessness.

But yes, he knows I love him very much. I give them long hugs every nite before bed (yup, including my 16-year old), and this P6 son gets extra secret hugs cos he's my youngest and just plain cute!

Hugs.

[mathsparks]

kohjl:

As I always tell him, he loves to \"throw away\" marks. AND because of that, he will never be able to score the way his brother scored, nor get awards the way his brother gets awards, and will never do as well as his brother in exams. Not because he is less intelligent (in fact, I tell him that he is more intelligent than his Kor-kor; and that's the truth), but if he doesn't overcome this careless trait, the reality in Singapore's exam-oriented world is that he will always lose out.

Hi kohjl,
We don't need parenting classes to tell us that kids should never be compared with each other...whether they're siblings, classmates, relatives or neighbours. It breeds resentment and lowers the morale of the child. But you know yr child best, maybe it's yr way to max his potential.

Just my 2 cts.

[kohjl]

mathsparks:

Hi kohjl,
We don't need parenting classes to tell us that kids should never be compared with each other...whether they're siblings, classmates, relatives or neighbours. It breeds resentment and lowers the morale of the child. But you know yr child best, maybe it's yr way to max his potential.

Just my 2 cts.

Perhaps it did not come across clearly in my posting that I was using comparison as a diagnostic tool. We have been taught in school to “compare and contrast…”, and even in primary school, we learn how to “Compare Setup A and Setup B”. Learning how to compare is a useful diagnostic tool as it shows the causative independent variable.

My role, as I had said earlier, is to help each child maximize his potential. Since both sons are very similar, I use comparison as a diagnostic tool to assess why one son is well on the way to maximizing his potential while the other son is still grappling with it. There is a huge difference between comparing them and coming out with useless and hurtful remarks like “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” AND comparing them to diagnose matter-of-factly what is the key problem area(s) that I as the parent need to help him tackle in order to maximize his potential. I know the difference and each son knows that he is loved for himself, unconditionally.

If we are clear on why we compare, and if we manifest it with the greatest love and sensitivity, then it is fine. It has not bred any resentment between the brothers, nor has it lowered the morale of my P6 son. Last year, in his report book, his Form Teacher described him as “articulate and confident”, while for his mid-term report this year, his P6 Form Teacher described him as “a delight” with a “love of learning and sense of fun”, and that he also has a “keen sense of humour that the class enjoys”. That doesn’t sound like a child with a morale problem!

All that said, I am sure you had put in that caveat as a general warning against comparing siblings, classmates, etc for the sake of comparing them. And I agree with you that THAT is detrimental to the well-being of the child.

[mathsparks]

Hi Kohjl,

You sure sound like a professional parent. It's excellent that yr kids don't resent each other or have morale problems. It's amazing how you manage. :udawoman:

I still stand by the belief that kids should never be compared..but I'll now qualify the statement with...unless you do it with love and sensitivity. That doesn't sound easy but I guess, if you can do it, there're parents out there who can. But this is definitely not for me.

PS: Comparing setup A and B refers to inanimate objects; not humans with emotions. Not exactly a suitable analogy.

[kohjl]

mathsparks:

Hi Kohjl,

You sure sound like a professional parent. It's excellent that yr kids don't resent each other or have morale problems. It's amazing how you manage.

Thank you, but no accolades please.... I'm just a regular mum who tries to spend as much time as possible with my kids. All Mums (and Dads) who love their kids dearly and want the very best for them should be applauded!

[kohjl]

Jennifer:

Hugs.

And hugs to you too, Jennifer!

[phankao]

kohjl:

Now, this P6 son is very much like his brother, EXCEPT for one thing - he is very very careless. Almost all the marks he consistently loses in Maths (and less so, but yes, in Science and English too) are for carelessness - simple things like adding wrongly, forgot to write the answer at the end, copy wrongly, read wrongly. As I always tell him, he loves to \"throw away\" marks. AND because of that, he will never be able to score the way his brother scored, nor get awards the way his brother gets awards, and will never do as well as his brother in exams. Not because he is less intelligent (in fact, I tell him that he is more intelligent than his Kor-kor; and that's the truth), but if he doesn't overcome this careless trait, the reality in Singapore's exam-oriented world is that he will always lose out.

Moreover, his Chinese is not that good, so he needs all the marks he can get for his other subjects. So very frankly, I am not overly optimistic for PSLE.

I am not sad for myself. But I am very sad for this P6 son because he has SO much potential but I can't seem to help him to reach it because of carelessness.

No need to be sad. Looks like he doesn't need any help in the academic area - really. He might need more help in focussing/reading. But being highly intelligent, he has been able to more than overcome it so far, I think from the description you wrote.

[Joy]

kohji


He is a bright boy, he can do it and will not want to waste his own potential...am sure he wants to do well too....All the best for his upcoming psle...


rgds
Joy

phankao:

No need to be sad. Looks like he doesn't need any help in the academic area - really. He might need more help in focussing/reading. But being highly intelligent, he has been able to more than overcome it so far, I think from the description you wrote.

[kohjl]

phankao:

No need to be sad. Looks like he doesn't need any help in the academic area - really. He might need more help in focussing/reading. But being highly intelligent, he has been able to more than overcome it so far, I think from the description you wrote.

Hi phankao and Joy
Thanks for your encouragement!
He has done well in Science all these years thru his own studying (no tuition or enrichment classes in Science throughout Pr school) because he has a true passion for it - for instance, he prefers National Geographic and Discovery documentaries to cartoons/comedies. I just hope and pray that he will overcome his careless trait as he matures.