Dare to sleep alone/lights off after the death of spouse?

[BeContented]

insider:

cwc:

Whatever it is, episode ended.......

Do you have to observe the 守孝 thingy?

When my dad passed on, my mum instructed all daughters and children of daughters didn't need to 守孝 as all not having same surname and if wanted to 守孝, maybe inconvenience for in-law families.

We need to 守孝 for 12 months. Nothing too restrictive other than no celebrations of festivals/occasions and no wearing of red / pink / yellow. (first thing my daughter did when she came home after the funeral was to change her duvet cover from pink to beige).

My mum encouraged all of us to 守孝 for my father-in-law. According to her, 守孝 is good for the one performing it as it reminds and strengthens the sense of filial and piety (and this of course will add on to one's positive karma). My kids agreed to observe the 12 months period...

:oops: I am quite bo-chap and ignorant of all these stuff. My mom also not very versed in it and hence, when my grandfather died, dun think we 守孝 ... frankly, I dun quite know what does it comprise of

When FIL passed away, initially we were told not to wear red/pink/yellow etc. But never say for how long....while still try not to be loud in the color, some clothes do have a little of those colours here and there. I know my nephew could not celebrate his birthday as was within 49/100 days....other than that, no explicit 'orders'.

[Chenonceau]

If being alone and in the dark can bring me back a loved one, I think I will never leave a darkened room even in daylight.

[pinky]

maybe she feels insecure, having to sleep alone suddenly after all these years with her husband. The loss must be very painful and it is possible for her so slip into depression.

My husband’s friend’s father died of cancer and his mother was so distraught she slipped into depression and refused to talk to anyone or seek treatment. She hanged herself one day at home when she was alone, about less than a year after her husband died. Very sad case.

[LOLMum]

we always thought mum would be the first to go but my dad who was in better health, slipped and hit his head and died just a few hours later. we broke the news to her at her sick bed a few days later and she just slipped away from us almost immediately. no longer hanging on to whatever it was that has been keeping her alive for the past few years. :sad: :sad: :sad:


we kept the lights on in the house but my sisters and sil said they felt their presence and dreamt of them.

i firmly believe that should they return, it is to say their final goodbye.

[BeContented]

Dunno if I’m right or wrong …but I dun think my PILs had a good relationship. In fact I think MIL is resentful of FIL esp so at the later part when he squandered away a sum & starting giving her lotsa trouble. There were lotsa cursing & yelling from MIL. But as mentioned earlier, gone & end of episode, so house a lot more peaceful now

[BeContented]

LOLMum:

i firmly believe that should they return, it is to say their final goodbye.

Agree on this.
And if it's not, there's no escape too.....

Just sharing a story.
My grandma in Malaysia died when my 2 kids were still young. I couldn't attend her funeral (which requires a 10-hour bus journey) & a few days of staying over cos' my 2 kids were ill. It was a regret to me but guess, no choice.

A day or 2 after the funeral, a yellow-green bird flew into one of my rooms ... through a half open sliding window & those square window grilles. I quickly opened up to let it fly out easily. Tried chasing too, but it just flew close to ceiling and rest on the wardrobe repeatedly. Gave up & closed the door & left.

15 mins later, I opened the room door slightly and peep thru. the gap, the bird was still there on the top of the wardrobe....it just looked at me and then gazed at 2+yo DS who followed me. A while later, it was still there and still, would just looked at me and DS.

I dunno why, but the look from the bird just struck me.....so I decided to carry my 9mth DD along to see the bird. The bird just glanced at each of us slowly and then flew off by itself after that. I dunno what to make out of it, I am not someone who believe in all these stuff. BUT, somehow I felt that the bird came to visit us specially.......my grandma had not seen my 2 children before. My dad is the eldest son and my children were the only 2 grandchildren of my dad then.

I guess sometimes, better to just believe such things.....that they do come to say final goodbye.

[Strparent]

Chenonceau:

If being alone and in the dark can bring me back a loved one, I think I will never leave a darkened room even in daylight.

:love: :hugs: Chenonceau, I agree totally.

When my Dad passed on a few years ago due to cancer, we accompanied my mum for a week or so, and on the 49th night also. Secretly, we ( DW,DS and me ) were hoping to get a glimpse, a sign, a contact, with my dear father. Only my DD was feeling scared, but she was 5, so she slept with my sister in another room.

As for my mum, she has no qualms at all about sleeping on the same bed, same room, without the lights. She even set up his side of the bed as before ( pillow, bolster position, etc ). :hugs:

He's a loved one, why fear the possibility of him returning ? If I have a chance to see or talk to him again, I would grab the opportunity. Sometimes on certain occasions, we would see a moth in the house, I like to think that it is Dad coming to visit us and see his grandkids.

Missing my old man too, Insider :oops:

[pinky]

i was told never to chase away any moth/butterfly in your house because they are your beloved departed ones who comes to visit you.

[Funz]

pinky:

i was told never to chase away any moth/butterfly in your house because they are your beloved departed ones who comes to visit you.

:scared: I have many moth and butterflies flying into my house. But I don't have that many dearly departed.

Ok kidding here. Dun

[schweppes]

pinky:

i was told never to chase away any moth/butterfly in your house because they are your beloved departed ones who comes to visit you.

That's what we've been told too by my parents. So much so that whenever we see a moth during Qing Ming or during my grandparents death anniversary period, my bro and I and even my dh now, wd exclaim, \"hey!! it's that ah kong or ah ma?\"
:shock: :roll: