Any P5 girl request to go shopping with classmates.

[MMM]

My eldest is only P4… but I don’t think I will let her go if she is P5. Does seem alittle young to go shopping with friends. In terms of influence, I suppose it all voice down to individual characters. Eg. my P3 would come back and tell us that a friend actually brought $1k to school to buy stuff during the fair. The friend’s monthly pocket money is $1k etc… So in situation like that, iso encouraging him to envy the friend, we really need to educate them and inculcate them with our family values.


Eg. I personally think it’s not right for the other child’s parents to let the child bring so much money to school. Not against them but rather from our personal values, it’s not right as in will it encourage theft, and does a P3 really need $1k for a fair??? This sounds ridiculous to me actually. Unless the child is trying to flaunt his family wealth in school.

I told my son that even if we can afford, that is not the right way to do it. This is not in our value system. So there is nothing to envy but rather, something is not right with the way his friend does it.

[Chenonceau]

MMM:

My eldest is only P4... but I don't think I will let her go if she is P5. Does seem alittle young to go shopping with friends. In terms of influence, I suppose it all voice down to individual characters. Eg. my P3 would come back and tell us that a friend actually brought $1k to school to buy stuff during the fair. The friend's monthly pocket money is $1k etc... So in situation like that, iso encouraging him to envy the friend, we really need to educate them and inculcate them with our family values.


Eg. I personally think it's not right for the other child's parents to let the child bring so much money to school. Not against them but rather from our personal values, it's not right as in will it encourage theft, and does a P3 really need $1k for a fair???? This sounds ridiculous to me actually. Unless the child is trying to flaunt his family wealth in school.

I told my son that even if we can afford, that is not the right way to do it. This is not in our value system. So there is nothing to envy but rather, something is not right with the way his friend does it.

:goodpost:

[2ppaamm]

My girls are never allowed to go shopping with friends, even now that they are 15 and 13. I get worried that they might mix with the wrong crowd, hang out for the wrong reasons, or pick up wrong habits from the wrong kids.


Now, my girls are a little bit more ‘sua-ku’ than your average kids, even compared to their brother. Kor-kor had been going out without me ferrying him around since 14, but not the girls, because I am a little bit more protective with the girls.

I think there are advantages and disadvantages. Advantages is that you have full control of their situations and you know they are not exposed to any potential problem. The disadvantage is that you get very naive and ‘innocent’ girls, which could potentially be gullible.

My older girl is now in the uni and so I taught her to take the public transport. She manages to get around and to the shopping mall to buy stuff (normally craft and hobby supplies, and groceries for the family) once a week. But my rule is that you can go buy stuff, but not hang out in the shopping areas. Max in a shopping centre is 30 minutes for my girls.

If you reign tightly like I did, I guess the kids are a bit ‘reserved’ compared to girls who are allowed to do and go out with friends. We then need to teach them wisdom and explain the rationale behind what we do. I think we ought to be even more careful not to ruin a relationship when we forbid our kids going out with friends, lest they hide information or go out without permission.

I guess each kid is different, so do what you think is right, and explain your action carefully and clearly so she is always on your side.

Hope this helps!

[KiasuAdult]

for this u will have to see whether ur child is mature enough. if she is still too naive and believes people easily then dun allow her to go out. but make sure u explain ur decision to her otherwise she will think u r unreasonable. if ur girl is mature and she can be trusted i feel she should be allowed to go out as parents can't control their children forever before u let them go out u should always educate them on the dos and don'ts. if u r really worried about their ability to control themselves then just let them go window shopping. JMHO hope this helps!

[notakidnoraparent]

2ppaamm:

My girls are never allowed to go shopping with friends, even now that they are 15 and 13. I get worried that they might mix with the wrong crowd, hang out for the wrong reasons, or pick up wrong habits from the wrong kids.


Now, my girls are a little bit more 'sua-ku' than your average kids, even compared to their brother. Kor-kor had been going out without me ferrying him around since 14, but not the girls, because I am a little bit more protective with the girls.

I think there are advantages and disadvantages. Advantages is that you have full control of their situations and you know they are not exposed to any potential problem. The disadvantage is that you get very naive and 'innocent' girls, which could potentially be gullible.

My older girl is now in the uni and so I taught her to take the public transport. She manages to get around and to the shopping mall to buy stuff (normally craft and hobby supplies, and groceries for the family) once a week. But my rule is that you can go buy stuff, but not hang out in the shopping areas. Max in a shopping centre is 30 minutes for my girls.

If you reign tightly like I did, I guess the kids are a bit 'reserved' compared to girls who are allowed to do and go out with friends. We then need to teach them wisdom and explain the rationale behind what we do. I think we ought to be even more careful not to ruin a relationship when we forbid our kids going out with friends, lest they hide information or go out without permission.

I guess each kid is different, so do what you think is right, and explain your action carefully and clearly so she is always on your side.

Hope this helps!

Wah mummy. You are hardcore. I feel that you are pulling too tight on the leash though. Though they might be all agreeable at home and stuff like that, you would never know what they are doing behind your back. Cos I believe that the more you restrain a kid from doing something they want to do, all the more they will do it behind your back.

After all, what's worse than finding out later that they already did things without you knowing? Perhaps allow them to go out but give them a curfew? I am sure they have often been asked out by their friends countless of times and if they are turning them down because you do not allow them to go out, very soon they might find themselves with no friends. Children at that age are very pragmatic. If they constantly ask someone to hang out but gets rejected everytime, they will stop being friends with them.

You might very well be destroying their social circle. And I strongly believe that later in life, its better to know how to handle and behave in front of people cos those are the things that school does not teach you. If you keep them at home all the time, the only people they know how to behave to is only you. When they go out to work, they will suffer. I know this cos when I was in poly, I met this girl who was really great in academics and always top the class for tests and such. But in poly, there are job attachments. So I was sent to the same attachment centre as her, and to make things worse for her, it was a call centre where we are required to pick up calls and think fast.

Needless to say, she broke down and cried after a week cos the stress was too much for her to handle and she never bothered to try to make friends in the workplace because she was just too shy.

Hope this would give you an insight that you should not control them too much. Give them a little breathing space.

[2ppaamm]

I agree with notakidoraparent that we should not keep our kids all the time. But here, we are talking about shopping after school, right? The kids can go for a movie with friends, but for me, it is only the movie, but not hang out in the shopping mall after the movie. They can go for a meal, or out for a picnic. Shopping centres are dangerous places for me.


Going to birthday parties are fine, going out to buy stuff are fine, but not just shopping for fun. And, I will always ferry all their friends around so I know who their friends are. But, I do not judge them or criticize any of my kids’ friends.

I agree that not allowing them to mix can destroy their social circle. But when I look at those who have hung out so much at the shopping mall after school (my daughter was also asked at P5 to join her classmates), I don’t think I like my girls to end up like that. They are very street smart no doubt, but full of tricks and lies. In my car, I could easily pick up their lies when they have a conversation with me. So that’s why I say my kids are more sua-ku. They are not as street smart.

Now that my kids are much bigger, I don’t think I regret what I have done. They are happy and I don’t think they are doing things behind my back because they ask me to ferry them from place to place. I have friends who grow up like that and they are very close to their family members and have a few but very good friends.
I have a simple belief that we can only keep a few very good friends, the rest are acquaintances. So as long as they know how to make new friends (and not like your friend from poly who cannot make friends) and keep a few good friends for a lifetime, I am quite happy to accept that my kids will never be party animals.

I guess all of us grow up differently. I had free access to all freedom, and so did my friends. We all grew up well. My friend was chauffeured everywhere she went, she grew up better than me. While I can, I’d be happy to drive them everywhere. To leave them to go anywhere they like, I feel is just too risky, especially in the current society. Too many parents are too busy and leave their kids doing things that are not acceptable. I guess that risk is too big for me to take. Rather pay the price of driving and getting to know all their friends well now, than to pay the price later.

[rains]

My p5 girl recently asked me for permission to go for a movie with a good friend. I thought it cute that my baby is growing up and wanting to explore the world on her own, so I said ‘yes’. But she hasn’t followed it up with action yet.



I was a suaku kid compared to my peers when I was a teen because my parents, like some of you here, were very protective of me. Consequently, I was very shy, timid, had very little confidence and low self-esteem for the bulk of my life. I would like my kids to be raised differently in this aspect. And I would want my kids to tell me what’s on their mind and their heart by treating me as a friend when they hit their teens.