Sensitive Topics to Talk to Your Teen

[flyfree]

Pen88n:

Sensitive (but Essential) Topics to Discussed with Your Teenager


Most people will agree that nowadays the teenagers are different from the past – they are more exposed (due to the various media) and more matured (I have doubts about the level of maturity but nonetheless, they are more matured than we are at that age). Given that there are many cases of “folly” acts that have hurt people or family, there is a need to educate and nurture these teenagers with such knowledge. However, teens being teens, they do not like to listen to lectures, especially from parents. So how do we approach such sensitive topics such as BGR or suicide?

I would suggest that you can consider starting with newspaper discussion or referring to someone you know. When the family is having dinner or sitting together for a relaxing night, talk about what you have read on the papers. Make sure you / your spouse is able to talk about it leisurely as a “outsider” with objective view and no emotional involvement (especially no scolding or linking to your teenager’s own action), and to present a more neutral stand taking into consideration the potential drive behind the act.

For example, take the case of the Secondary 4 boy who “smuggled” a handphone into the “O” Level exam hall and took a picture of the front page of the subject paper. He posted that on his Facebook and dared others to do the same. New started spreading about his act and MOE investigated into it. Ended up he got “Ungraded” for his “O” Level.

You can talk about what you read in the paper and discuss the following:
1.\tWhy the Secondary 4 boy did that? – just a prank, for fun, to show-off, etc.
2.\tWhy did MOE take such a strong view on this? – set as an example
3.\tWhat are the consequences? – no “O” Level certificate
4.\tPrice he paid for it? – how serious is it compared with his initial thought of just a prank
5.\tWhat can be done next? – he can retake his “O” Level
6.\tDid he learn his lesson? - actually no, he went ahead with another boosting online which again nearly got him into trouble

For a start, you may want to consider discussing some less sensitive topics, such as:
1.\tAnimal abuse
2.\tMaid abuse
3.\tFood scare
4.\tPoverty in some areas

Then you may proceed to sensitive topics you will want to discuss after you get more at ease with such discussion:
1.\tGang activity
2.\tDrug abuse
3.\tPornography
4.\tUnderage sex
5.\tDumping babies
6.\tSuicide
7.\tBGR

The topics are just some suggestion and it is not an exhaustive list. There is no specific sequence and certain topics can be linked – it’s really up to you.

Some “do-not” that you should take note in such discussion:
-\tno criticism
-\teveryone should be able to voice their opinion freely
-\tdo not judge your teen by his opinion
-\tpresent different viewpoints and need to be perceived to be fair (even if you may have very strong opinion against it)
-\tdo not be emotional
-\tdo not link these discussion to your teenager’s action

Some highlights you can also take note to incorporate into the discussion:
-\twhat drives the act (this will highlight the emotion or pain which the teen may be able to relate)
-\twhat are the consequences?
-\tis it a worthwhile price to pay for such an act?
-\twhat can be done instead?
-\tgiven this situation now, what can the next step / way forward?

By opening a channel of discussion as such, you can hear your teenager’s viewpoint, and hopefully win his / her trust in discussing their concerns with you. All the best in parenting your teen(s).

When is the appropriate age to teach sex to children? nowdays, child matures very early. Who shd teach, mum or dad?
:please: :please:

[BeContented]

Pen88n:

Sensitive (but Essential) Topics to Discussed with Your Teenager


Most people will agree that nowadays the teenagers are different from the past – they are more exposed (due to the various media) and more matured (I have doubts about the level of maturity but nonetheless, they are more matured than we are at that age). Given that there are many cases of “folly” acts that have hurt people or family, there is a need to educate and nurture these teenagers with such knowledge. However, teens being teens, they do not like to listen to lectures, especially from parents. So how do we approach such sensitive topics such as BGR or suicide?

I would suggest that you can consider starting with newspaper discussion or referring to someone you know. When the family is having dinner or sitting together for a relaxing night, talk about what you have read on the papers. Make sure you / your spouse is able to talk about it leisurely as a “outsider” with objective view and no emotional involvement (especially no scolding or linking to your teenager’s own action), and to present a more neutral stand taking into consideration the potential drive behind the act.

For example, take the case of the Secondary 4 boy who “smuggled” a handphone into the “O” Level exam hall and took a picture of the front page of the subject paper. He posted that on his Facebook and dared others to do the same. New started spreading about his act and MOE investigated into it. Ended up he got “Ungraded” for his “O” Level.

You can talk about what you read in the paper and discuss the following:
1.\tWhy the Secondary 4 boy did that? – just a prank, for fun, to show-off, etc.
2.\tWhy did MOE take such a strong view on this? – set as an example
3.\tWhat are the consequences? – no “O” Level certificate
4.\tPrice he paid for it? – how serious is it compared with his initial thought of just a prank
5.\tWhat can be done next? – he can retake his “O” Level
6.\tDid he learn his lesson? - actually no, he went ahead with another boosting online which again nearly got him into trouble

For a start, you may want to consider discussing some less sensitive topics, such as:
1.\tAnimal abuse
2.\tMaid abuse
3.\tFood scare
4.\tPoverty in some areas

Then you may proceed to sensitive topics you will want to discuss after you get more at ease with such discussion:
1.\tGang activity
2.\tDrug abuse
3.\tPornography
4.\tUnderage sex
5.\tDumping babies
6.\tSuicide
7.\tBGR

The topics are just some suggestion and it is not an exhaustive list. There is no specific sequence and certain topics can be linked – it’s really up to you.

Some “do-not” that you should take note in such discussion:
-\tno criticism
-\teveryone should be able to voice their opinion freely
-\tdo not judge your teen by his opinion
-\tpresent different viewpoints and need to be perceived to be fair (even if you may have very strong opinion against it)
-\tdo not be emotional
-\tdo not link these discussion to your teenager’s action

Some highlights you can also take note to incorporate into the discussion:
-\twhat drives the act (this will highlight the emotion or pain which the teen may be able to relate)
-\twhat are the consequences?
-\tis it a worthwhile price to pay for such an act?
-\twhat can be done instead?
-\tgiven this situation now, what can the next step / way forward?

By opening a channel of discussion as such, you can hear your teenager’s viewpoint, and hopefully win his / her trust in discussing their concerns with you. All the best in parenting your teen(s).

Thanks for all the tips Will try to start some of them with my kids.....

[LOLMum]

[quote=\"flyfree


When is the appropriate age to teach sex to children? nowdays, child matures very early. Who shd teach, mum or dad?
:please: :please:[/quote]


dh was not very comfortable with it, so i did the talking.

i spoke very bluntly to dd about sex at i think about 9 or 10 years old. started by talking about menstruation follow by safe sex etc. i dont believe in using birds and bees cos' kids now are really a smarter lots and i will encourage her to talk to her friends about sex and feedback to me so that i can correct any wrong beliefs.

i intend to talk to ds when he is 12 years old.

some things i need to stress are pls remind the boys that it is a crime to have sex with underaged girls even if both are willing parties. secondly, no matter what happen, pls be patient and understanding with the kids. kids should go to their parents if they are in trouble and not do anything silly. there are too many cases of abandoned babies (dead and alive).

[smartmummy]

http://youtu.be/xCdo6oUv0qQ

The above video clip about teen chatting and parents don't know about it.Pls watch it.

[notakidnoraparent]

I don’t know about it. But my parents didn’t really talk to me about sex and stuff. Or rather they never have. I find that if parents take the trouble to go and talk about it to their kids, they would find it redundant. I think there will be a chance for the situation for the parents to talk about it. For instance like when you are watching news together and news mentioned about certain issues, you can tell them about it and how they shouldn’t do it. Though I believe this would not end up in a serious discussion.


Yet if parents have the intention before hand to talk about it, it would kind of not have any effect at all.

[en107rn.01056yahoo.01056com.01056sg]

Excellent sharing! I am facing with a growing up daughter. I am not sure how to bring up sensitive subjects. Sharing information and discussing issues through shared media is a relax way of bringing up very highly sensitive topics. The video is really good too. Thanks for sharing!

[heyhoe]

Thanks for sharing the information. I hope to include this in our family meeting. Shall start with newspaper cutting


Meanwhile, any tips on how to talk to him about the importance of choosing the right friends? My DS has a group of good friends in his student care and school. His best friend is a very intelligent boy but I find that he doesn't have a good attitude. Eg. he kicked his student care teacher and spout bad words. I tried telling him that these are examples that he should not follow. I think he knew but he's very protective of his friends.

[thatsmygirl]

very very sensitive indeed...

especially asian parents...
Since i did not start this habit of heart to heart talk with them since young, it is kind of hard and awkward to start now...
any tips?

[Pen88n]

LOLMum:

flyfree:

When is the appropriate age to teach sex to children? nowdays, child matures very early. Who shd teach, mum or dad?
:please: :please:

dh was not very comfortable with it, so i did the talking.

i spoke very bluntly to dd about sex at i think about 9 or 10 years old. started by talking about menstruation follow by safe sex etc. i dont believe in using birds and bees cos' kids now are really a smarter lots and i will encourage her to talk to her friends about sex and feedback to me so that i can correct any wrong beliefs.

i intend to talk to ds when he is 12 years old.

some things i need to stress are pls remind the boys that it is a crime to have sex with underaged girls even if both are willing parties. secondly, no matter what happen, pls be patient and understanding with the kids. kids should go to their parents if they are in trouble and not do anything silly. there are too many cases of abandoned babies (dead and alive).

There are lots of reports recently about teens hanky-panky at public areas. It may be a good way of bringing the topic of sex to your teens. Can highlight to teen about the media report and discuss:
- why the teens choose such public places for \"display of affection\"?
- what is appropriate and what is not appropriate?
- at this point, you may also want to use the opportunity to talk about kissing, heavy petting and sex
- is there excuse for exhibiting such behaviour?
- what are the consequences? You can talk about underaged sex consequences such as unwanted pregnancy, single parenthood, charged in court for having sex with underaged
- what do they do if they see friend engaged in this behaviour?

Highlight to them that something may be tempting to try, but consequences may be something they are not prepared for.

[Pen88n]

heyhoe:

Thanks for sharing the information. I hope to include this in our family meeting. Shall start with newspaper cutting


Meanwhile, any tips on how to talk to him about the importance of choosing the right friends? My DS has a group of good friends in his student care and school. His best friend is a very intelligent boy but I find that he doesn't have a good attitude. Eg. he kicked his student care teacher and spout bad words. I tried telling him that these are examples that he should not follow. I think he knew but he's very protective of his friends.

Importance of choosing the right fren can be discussed using examples. However, topic like this is very sensitive because it is linked to your kid's fren and his behaviour. Instead of putting thru' to him on how he \"should not choose that fren because his fren's behaviour is not good\", why not try to discuss with him \"why his fren act this way\", \"is it the right way to act?\", \"how can you as a fren help him not act this way / change his behaviour?\". These might go down better with your kid than to tell him to keep away from his fren because of his fren's behaviour.