Money is an angel or a monster to relationship?

[concern2]

chocolatebar:

limlim:

[quote=\"chocolatebar\"]
They r both working in a company. My dad is the boss n my mum helps him. Tat s why the situation getting worse coz my mum's money is my dad's money, my dad's money is my mum's money , they cant be separate. sooooooo.....the situation r so complicated. They cant even think of solution till now.

w/o going into details, I feel, there's a simple way to end the stalemate.

Like you say, your dad's money is your mom's and vice versa.

Hence, there should be mutual understanding that any money that flows out of the family requires the consent of both parties.

If your mom refuses to let the money goes out, your dad should respect it. He can try all ways and means to convince your mom, that's his right. But if your mom refuse, then no means no.. he should respect it. No one will have the upper hand on how the money is spend. and that should end all the arguments.

Next time, when your mom needs to spend out of the family, your dad can always exercise his veto rights.. :evil: :evil:

W/o mutual respect and common understandings, it is very difficult to stick together.. thru thick and thin..

[quote]My dad wont give in. His bro got troubles means he got trouble n he ll take money out without hestitation. haha[/quote][/quote]Your mom should have a private account of her own right from the start. That should separate biz from family. Your mom doesn't feel financially secured tho she's working, because she has no control over the money.

[3Boys]

They should keep a joint account to manage joint finances and separate personal accounts also. Work out a formula to flow money out of the ‘joint’ space into personal space (e.g. some form of ‘salary’, for instance), and then your Dad can use whatever’s in his personal account for whatever he wants, but leaves the joint account alone.


Works for me and my DW, more than 70% of our total nett assets in the joint (cannot touch without co-decision), the rest in personal accounts, which we have freedom to use as we wish. Very little in terms of dispute, I have to say.

[concern2]

3Boys:

They should keep a joint account to manage joint finances and separate personal accounts also. Work out a formula to flow money out of the 'joint' space into personal space (e.g. some form of 'salary', for instance), and then your Dad can use whatever's in his personal account for whatever he wants, but leaves the joint account alone.


Works for me and my DW, more than 70% of our total nett assets in the joint (cannot touch without co-decision), the rest in personal accounts, which we have freedom to use as we wish. Very little in terms of dispute, I have to say.

:goodpost: It all boils down to money management, chocolatebar.

[LOLMum]

concern2:

It all boils down to money management, chocolatebar.

plus a willingness to listen and understand each other's views/opinion/solutions and compromise.

[Strparent]

limlim:

If your mom refuses to let the money goes out, your dad should respect it. if your mom refuse, then no means no.. he should respect it. No one will have the upper hand on how the money is spend.

Next time, when your mom needs to spend out of the family, your dad can always exercise his veto rights.. :evil: :evil:

hi limlim,

you too 天真 la. :rotflmao: :rotflmao: kidding :evil:

imho, it's not that a big deal, its not that the DH is spending money wastefully or gambling etc. Both should respect each other's wishes and views. It's just money, happiness and love are more important. :xedfingers:

[chocolatebar]

concern2:

3Boys:

They should keep a joint account to manage joint finances and separate personal accounts also. Work out a formula to flow money out of the 'joint' space into personal space (e.g. some form of 'salary', for instance), and then your Dad can use whatever's in his personal account for whatever he wants, but leaves the joint account alone.


Works for me and my DW, more than 70% of our total nett assets in the joint (cannot touch without co-decision), the rest in personal accounts, which we have freedom to use as we wish. Very little in terms of dispute, I have to say.

:goodpost: It all boils down to money management, chocolatebar.

[quote]Hahaha~ thanks~ i should advice them tis. maybe the money management ll help them better. [/quote]

[limlim]

Strparent:

imho, it's not that a big deal, its not that the DH is spending money wastefully or gambling etc. Both should respect each other's wishes and views. It's just money, happiness and love are more important. :xedfingers:

It is precisely bcoz both parties cannot come to mutual agreements that's why need a robust system in place mah..

Rather than take the money then fight over it.. if there's an agreement in place and both sides just abide by it, then no conflicts.

If A says cannot, and B respects it.. no issues..

of coz B is not happy.. but next time when A needs the money, B can use the chance to \"revenge\" :evil: :evil: by not agreeing to anything A says..

Then, A will be more willing to sit down and negotiate with B until they come up with something both party can accept. If cannot come up with anything, just let the money grow interest in the bank lor..

If, the situation never occurs that A needs the money, then B may seems to be at a disadvantage.. however, look it it this way.. if it is always B that takes the money, not fair to A also right?

So, something like a Co-owned a/c is best.. and neither side can take the money themselves.

There will be bound to be disagreements on how money is spent.. and spending large sum of money w/o the other parties consent is one of the worst behavior in a r/s.

Personally, I will not even move money out of my bank a/c w/o my SO's consent.. my judgement may not be always right.. so, it's better to have someone to help \"shoulder\" the responsibility.. :evil: :evil: :evil:

If I cannot convince my SO, that means my reasons are not good enough.. Hence, it is better not to spend the money..