How to manage a child who refuse to go to school

[tamarind]

There is nothing wrong with your girl. She is still very young. Most kids at this age still do not know how to socialize with other kids, so they do not like to be away from their parents or caretakers. It is more likely that she has separation anxiety, not that she is rejecting school. She prefers to stay in the cozy and safe environment at home.


Personally I think that if a very young child does not like to go to school or childcare centre, we should just keep her at home. I read somewhere that the child may feel that she has been abandoned in school, because she still does not understand that mommy will come back for her. This may have a negative effect on her when she grows up. It is best to send her there when she is older. I feel that 4 years old is a better age.

[ChiefKiasu]

One way could be to send the child for playgroups first instead of whole-day childcare. So they see it more as going for fun activities rather than being parked somewhere while their parents go off to some other places. You can slowly enhance it to whole-day childcare when they get used to the routine.

[Gmum]

Afraid this wldnt happen without any help… I am a working mum and my parent both working, my in-law always busy with her own plan… that is part of reason why I am sending my little gal to whole day care. Anyway, thanks for your advise. Shall give her more mths to adpt.

[en107rn.01056yahoo.01056com.01056sg]

My daughter was placed in a child care when she was 2.5 years old. I placed her there because there is no other care taker & I dont trust a maid to look after her alone.


She cries everytime I sent her to school. But the teacher told me that she will settle down after 15 minutes of crying & will join her group. She is now 9 years old. Every time we past by the child care, she told me how she hates to go to the child care and ask me why I sent her there.

My suggestion to you is to take a surprise visit on your day off & observe from far why your daughter does not like the place. Pop by at different hours to see what are the things that make your daughter uncomfortable.

Sometimes it is not the childcare activities but the kids characteristics. My son later join his sister in the same childcare did not have the anxiety problems & happily join his class.

[Gmum]

EN:

My daughter was placed in a child care when she was 2.5 years old. I placed her there because there is no other care taker & I dont trust a maid to look after her alone.


She cries everytime I sent her to school. But the teacher told me that she will settle down after 15 minutes of crying & will join her group. She is now 9 years old. Every time we past by the child care, she told me how she hates to go to the child care and ask me why I sent her there.

My suggestion to you is to take a surprise visit on your day off & observe from far why your daughter does not like the place. Pop by at different hours to see what are the things that make your daughter uncomfortable.

Sometimes it is not the childcare activities but the kids characteristics. My son later join his sister in the same childcare did not have the anxiety problems & happily join his class.

Hi En,

May I know why your girl given such a strong comment abt sending her to childcare?

[heutistmeintag]

Hi Gmum (Gorgeous Mum?)


I know it hurts to see your little one cry every morning. I also sent my kids when they are 2.5 and 3.5 yrs old to full time childcare becoz we were working and my parents couldnt cope with 2 mischevious kids at home. My son cried for the initial 2-3 weeks but my daughter looked forward to the childcare.

The trick is to look for a childcare with sincere teachers who treat your kids with TLC. Becoz of these teachers, all the children at the centre are very well behaved and always taught to look after one another. As a matter of fact, older children are paired with new kids in a buddy system. I think it's a good approach as toddlers tend to respond very well to older ones and look up to them as older brothers and sisters.

So I guess you could wait and see if your child would settle down in the next few days or start looking for a childcare centre that could offer the same cozy and safe environment that she expected. Having said that, we have to be observant for extreme responses from the child.

Coincidentally, I also had a fren whose daughter cried alot ..to the extent of vomiting. They struggled to ignore the vomitting but gave up after 1 week. The parents were subsequently advised by paediatrician to take her out of childcare for a few months to avoid traumatizing the child. They did that for 3-4 months (with much inconvenience) and then put her back again. The 2nd time was luckily successful and the gal has since grown to be a very smart and cheerful gal..no side effect.

[heutistmeintag]

EN:

My suggestion to you is to take a surprise visit on your day off & observe from far why your daughter does not like the place. Pop by at different hours to see what are the things that make your daughter uncomfortable.

Good point.

Gmum, sometimes the child could dislike the school because of harassment from other kids or even as simple as scolding by teacher. My children still throw such tantrums even though they are now in P5/P6. lol

[Gmum]

Hi heutistmeintag,


Maybe you are right. I shld secretly drop by one day and check on her in school. Thanks for ur advise…

[en107rn.01056yahoo.01056com.01056sg]

My daughter object violently because she has difficulty in making friends & language problem.


I was working following Australian working hours. I reached the childcare to pick up my kids around 3.30 pm. Since it was their tea break time, I got to stay & look around. What I saw was a horror story. Runny nose unwiped, big business in diaper not attended, toilet not flush, nobody ensure the kids wash their hands with soap after going to the toilet. I tried to wash my hand at the sink & the pipe is too tight for the kids. Some teachers discipline the crying child by making them stand at the side until the child subside crying.

So, it really pays to find out why your daughter resent being sent to childcare.

[Shera]

It is always a good plus to do on-off surprise spot checks to ensure consistency with the childcare centre you entrust your child to. We love our children and do hope that they will trust us too. If we unintentionally neglect their feelings, some of their character will turn more negative and may reflect in their daily activities too.


Never put your guard down. If needs be, discuss with the teachers and the principle. At worst case, transfer them out and before doing so, try and find some alternatives. I know that it is easier said than done :oops: