Advice - Divorce or Not to Divorce

[LOLMum]

things have been happening to a friend of mine and has given me much to think about.


that’s why sometimes it is better not to know of his affairs.

if you have children and the husband is not interested in leaving the family and still a good father, sometimes have to close eyes and maintain harmony in family.

i dont wish to deny my kids of their right to live with the dad, the right to be loved and spend time with him and the right to all the material stuff/education/enrichment/sports/holidays etc which if divorced might not be easily accessible to them. the most important is to be able to say loudly "this is my dad" legally.

i dont wish to have this throw at my kids "this is my daddy now, not yours" or "daddy doesnt love you anymore, he loves us more" that kinda nonsense. neither do i wish to let my kids stay with him and the new family. goodness know what happen.

as a mum, my happiness take second place.

[Funz]

I guess it depends on individuals.


I do not think I can live with a man who no longer loves me and is continuing an affair elsewhere. If he does not want to leave this marriage, then he has to commit to it. I also do not think that is the right message to give to my kids for they will think that it is all right to be married and have affairs. The value that they grow up with is far more important then the material stuff he can provide.

As for him being their father, divorce or not, he is, and will be, legally their father. A divorce will not change that fact. His presence may not be as constant after a divorce but if possible, he will not be an absent figure. And if he is a decent father, I believe he will want to spend time with the kids too.

It is never an easy decision, to part or to stay when problems reach a boiling point. But staying together may not always be the best solution.

Not that I encourage divorce hor. Just saying if I were to be in that kind of position.

[jolyn1374]

hi


can someone recommend me a good lawyer that doesn’t charge too high, pls?

cos i have more or less decided that i shall not stay in this relationship that doesn’t work anymore, after waiting & giving him chances for abt 7 yrs. i think its time to move on & free myself & my kid.

he used to have flings b4 our kid is born & i’ve forgive him, thinking that he’ll change. but after my kid is born, he’s still the same. even my kid had his 1st fever when he is 1 yr old, he also didnt come home that night to check if the kid is ok. i even have to depend on a relative to drive us to a clinic. last yr, i thought he had changed for the better, but i’m totally wrong. now, its worse! claiming that he needs to look after the new business & nobody to help him, he sleeps at his company everyday. only come back maybe once a week to dump his dirty clothings for the maid to wash.

thoughout the whole marriage, he didnt give me $ for the household things/bills. it all depends on me. maid, kid, conservancy, bills, etc, all paid by me. on top of that, i’ve helped him cleared a few bills already & his stupid hp also tagged to my account & i’m paying for his tel bill every month. ask him for $, everytime say company finance very tight & dragged for weeks & weeks. but yet, he still got $ to buy new clothings & accessories. he even got the cheek to ask me give him $20k for the house when i told him i wanted to divorce. i know that he outside got gf again when i heard him talking caringly over the phone 1 night.

i’m getting tired. i dont earn much & is struggling every month. dont even have $ to let my kid learn swimming or phonics classes which he wanted long time ago.

i dont want my kid to think that it is ok not to come home every day for a man. since he rarely take care of us, i shall not wait any longer. hence. i have decided to go ahead with the divorce. my constraint now is that, as i’m already struggling to make ends meet every month, i dont have too much to spare for initiating the divorce. also, i wanted to have the house to be granted to me cos if court order it to be sold, we (me, my kid & his mum) will have no roof above our heads. hence, i really appreciate somebody could recommend me a good & not-so-ex lawyer or share with me your experience if you have applied for divorce without going thru a lawyer. really appreciate that!!

much thanks!!!

[Dark Hope]

jolyn1374:

hi


can someone recommend me a good lawyer that doesn't charge too high, pls?

cos i have more or less decided that i shall not stay in this relationship that doesn't work anymore, after waiting & giving him chances for abt 7 yrs. i think its time to move on & free myself & my kid.

he used to have flings b4 our kid is born & i've forgive him, thinking that he'll change. but after my kid is born, he's still the same. even my kid had his 1st fever when he is 1 yr old, he also didnt come home that night to check if the kid is ok. i even have to depend on a relative to drive us to a clinic. last yr, i thought he had changed for the better, but i'm totally wrong. now, its worse! claiming that he needs to look after the new business & nobody to help him, he sleeps at his company everyday. only come back maybe once a week to dump his dirty clothings for the maid to wash.

thoughout the whole marriage, he didnt give me $ for the household things/bills. it all depends on me. maid, kid, conservancy, bills, etc, all paid by me. on top of that, i've helped him cleared a few bills already & his stupid hp also tagged to my account & i'm paying for his tel bill every month. ask him for $, everytime say company finance very tight & dragged for weeks & weeks. but yet, he still got $ to buy new clothings & accessories. he even got the cheek to ask me give him $20k for the house when i told him i wanted to divorce. i know that he outside got gf again when i heard him talking caringly over the phone 1 night.

i'm getting tired. i dont earn much & is struggling every month. dont even have $ to let my kid learn swimming or phonics classes which he wanted long time ago.

i dont want my kid to think that it is ok not to come home every day for a man. since he rarely take care of us, i shall not wait any longer. hence. i have decided to go ahead with the divorce. my constraint now is that, as i'm already struggling to make ends meet every month, i dont have too much to spare for initiating the divorce. also, i wanted to have the house to be granted to me cos if court order it to be sold, we (me, my kid & his mum) will have no roof above our heads. hence, i really appreciate somebody could recommend me a good & not-so-ex lawyer or share with me your experience if you have applied for divorce without going thru a lawyer. really appreciate that!!

much thanks!!!!!

hi jolyn1374

I just got my final Judgment and hope to share some of my experience before you made your final decision.

Divorce is a very tiring experience to go thru esp when there are children involved. I don't recommend divorce unless there's really no turning point anymore. Try counseling or mediation between both of you. After divorce, you needed to adjust alot in your new life and sometimes you might feel lonely more during the night. The Woman's Chapter can able to protect and helps you alot, but in the end, are you happy in your life after that ....

Communication is one of the important keys to maintain a good marriage life. Give some thoughts in your children and yourself before decide anytime harsh. All the best to you

[Baby39]

He is starting to cut off my finances now by transfering $ from our joint acct to his personal acct. You think this type of husband is still worthwhile keeping once the trust is gone?

[LOLMum]

baby39,


since you know he is doing all these stuff, i hope you have taken steps to protect yourself. if not, maybe should approach help groups like aware for advice or help.

please dont delay seeking help.

all the best.

[sall]

Baby39:

He is starting to cut off my finances now by transfering $ from our joint acct to his personal acct. You think this type of husband is still worthwhile keeping once the trust is gone?

I think you should immediately transfer all the $ from the joint acc to your personal acc before he empties the whole joint acc.

[Baby39]

I only transfer out the amounts that he intended to tranfer out in the first place without telling me. I could have withdrawn all but I don’t want to be the one in the "理 kui" position. He found out. Woke me out 4 in the morning and hurl verbal abuses and vulgar languages, demanding that I put back into the joint account. The irony is he denied access to car, to TV, to internet, trsf $ without my knowledge (for whatever gd intention he claimed later) during cold war, he still think he IS the victim and added anger with me for not showing care with him when he worked late and was sick (is that reasonable behaviour to expect when someone is in cold war?)


How do I get someone like him to realise and acknowledge that he has a problem? How to not build up more resentment btw both parties - marriage counselling to me will only work if both parties are open to it.

I was in fear earlier - not knowing what else he would do next and then I calmed down, what worst could it possibly get?

Thanks for "listening" to my rantings. I need somewhere to release.

[Baby39]

I am trembling now as i write this. Itz a stalemate at home now with his family members by his side in the same house against me outside room to guard me fm going near my kid n refusing to tell me whatz the next step. What am i going to do now? I will not go anywhere without my kid.

[sall]

Baby39:

I am trembling now as i write this. Itz a stalemate at home now with his family members by his side in the same house against me outside room to guard me fm going near my kid n refusing to tell me whatz the next step. What am i going to do now? I will not go anywhere without my kid.

Do u mean they're confining you to the room and keeping your kid away from you? You should call someone for help. How old is your kid? If nobody can help, call the police. Take care and good luck.