Children Suicide Cases

[ZacK]

hquek:

Such is a tightrope parents have to tread.

Yes I have to consciously tell myself so to refrain from getting angry over the mistakes... This I would say is primarily due to the parent's expectation on the child.

We, as parents, think that the spelling is so simple so why cant get it all correct or why were there mistakes? However we should note that the spelling is simple from our perspective as someone who has seen/used the words for some time... However if we view it from the perspective of our kids, having just encountered those words not too long ago etc... Then maybe it's reasonable for them not to have the words right for the initial few times?

[hquek]

Not really, I go through with him daily and he could do it. suddenly, bommpf, one strange spelling mistake during the actual.


I’ll just tell him to try his best - and pray that doesn’t give him undue pressure. Maybe it’s a boy thing, he’ll just heck if he gets more mistakes than anyone else.

[ZacK]

hquek:

Not really, I go through with him daily and he could do it. suddenly, bommpf, one strange spelling mistake during the actual.


I'll just tell him to try his best - and pray that doesn't give him undue pressure. Maybe it's a boy thing, he'll just heck if he gets more mistakes than anyone else.

That's why now... I usually ask mummy or popo to supervise him when he is learning for his spelling test... Then less chance for my pressure to go up LOL

[jedamum]

digress on suicide but on spelling;

hquek, how old is your kid?
i generally do quick revision (ie do a pretest and then zoom in on his weak areas) with my P1 on spelling to start with and revise on alternate days.
for every word that he gets wrong in subsequent revision, he has to write it 5x as reinforcement/punishment.
for any word that he gets wrong on the spelling day itself, the following spelling (or the next one depending on when he takes back his book), his ‘quick revision’ privilege is revoke and he’ll have to do thorough revision ie write 3x for all the 10 words and revise daily until he clears his next spelling.
this is the rule, so if he doesn’t score full marks for spelling, i don’t scold him or nag at him (so am i pressurising him??); he’ll just have to spend more time in his next spelling revision until he can prove that he bothers to do thorough checking before submitting up. as he hates writing, he’ll definitely do extra checking to ensure that he makes less or no careless mistake.
try to see what makes your kid tick and then strategise from there. jmho.

[hquek]

Thanks jedamum, paiseh, :oops: , my kid is only in K1 (now you know why my fav website is ksparents). His school has spelling weekly (simple words, I think the teacher wants them to get used to the idea).


Teaching him spelling is ok becos we read everyday. I don't vomit blood (not really) when teaching him. I will coach him and then 'test' him on a daily basis, this is mostly oral.

I always tell him it's ok to get mistakes, as long as you learn from it. but I get annoyed if he doesn't look like he cares about having errors in something he should have gotten right - to me, it's a harbinger of things to come.

The tradeoff between motivation and intense pressure is always on my mind when I ask him why he never get all correct (4 words and mummy has gone through this with you). Guess it's easier if my child is competitive by nature, but then, that'll bring another set of problems.

[atutor2001]

Woh! really heavy reading.


Just like to find out. I always call my kids names, e.g. silly, stupid… any name that you can think off. But always in a joking manner.

Will such actions leave "scars" in their memories or make them lose confidence. However, till now they have been doing fine - very good results. I am one of those parents who would jokingly tell them off if they get 99. I feel that there is no harm as they understand that I don’t mean it. I will usually surprise them later with rewards for their good results.

I really don’t know if my actions will leave any ill-effect. Please advice.

[3Boys]

atutor2001:

Woh! really heavy reading.


Just like to find out. I always call my kids names, e.g. silly, stupid... any name that you can think off. But always in a joking manner.

Will such actions leave \"scars\" in their memories or make them lose confidence. However, till now they have been doing fine - very good results. I am one of those parents who would jokingly tell them off if they get 99. I feel that there is no harm as they understand that I don't mean it. I will usually surprise them later with rewards for their good results.

I really don't know if my actions will leave any ill-effect. Please advice.

Its never advisable to do things to damage you child's self esteem. On the other hand, I wouldn't let the scaremongering get to you. Not seen anything that is substantially evidence-based so far linking to child suicide.

[atutor2001]

3Boys:

Its never advisable to do things to damage you child's self esteem.

Thanks I think I better hold my tongue. Though I am only joking with them so that they would not become complacent (they are very lazy and playful) I am worried that I might hurt their self esteem.

[Funz]

atutor2001:

Woh! really heavy reading.


Just like to find out. I always call my kids names, e.g. silly, stupid... any name that you can think off. But always in a joking manner.

Will such actions leave \"scars\" in their memories or make them lose confidence. However, till now they have been doing fine - very good results. I am one of those parents who would jokingly tell them off if they get 99. I feel that there is no harm as they understand that I don't mean it. I will usually surprise them later with rewards for their good results.

I really don't know if my actions will leave any ill-effect. Please advice.

though I do not think it will lead to their self esteem being totally destroyed, I do think that it does affect to a certain degree. Dun forget that children can be very literal sometimes. My parents were like you. We know that they are happy or proud that we come back with good grades or full marks. But they will never pat us on the back and say good job but they will always be joking with us, saying things like we slipped $10 to get the teacher to give us the full marks or we copied, etc. Yah it is joking but an outright 'good job' or 'keep it up' or 'we are proud of you' would have been better.

[concern2]

Thanks, insider, for posting the article. First time reading this thread and appreciate your all your articles.


:thankyou:

Reading about all these cases always remind me to appreciate my kids the way they are, to love them like the first day they were born, unconditionally.

I object to saying things like \"If you don't do this/that, I won't love you anymore\". Although not literally, how often are we guilty of giving our kids that message without realizing it?

Some suicidal cases may not come from school work but stress at home. I grew up in an environment where my parents were under a lot of stress. I was a silent observer and wept quietly when my parents were sad. There were careless remarks that my parents made like, \"It won't have been so bad if we don't have a kid yet\", which made me want to disappear from their life so they'd feel better. But I was too innocent to think I could \"disappear\" by committing suicide. I just hid in the cupboards or under the bed so they couldn't find me (eventually they did of course, and I'd end up being reprimanded for causing alarm :P)

I realized later in life the importance of having a sense of existence ”存在感“, and how important it is as parents / guardians, not to take that away from our kids.