Worried parents taking children to psychologists

[2ppaamm]

Thing is, I hate to send my kids to psychologists. In fact, I’d rather my son struggle through the system, even fair badly if he has to, then to send him to be diagnosed. That’s why I fought hard to ensure his diagnosis was true. And, he was exempted from MT when we requested.


Why did we request for him to withdraw from MT? He was in the enrichment class from P1 to P3, never had tuition and scored in Band 1 consistently. I can coach him easily in primary chinese, but we finally gave up and chose to drop MT because we succumbed. The teacher told me he could not teach my son, and did not bother to make an effort to. Of course, he is like the nicest person in the world. When he was asked to do tingxie, my son would not do it because he was afraid to get mistakes. But he learned everything and I knew he would score 100%, but he did not even write. Why? I don’t know. I guess Chen’s theory about the frog applies here. I sat in the class, the teacher made no effort to ask him to join in, so he just sat in the corner, did not participate. So when ting xie comes, he has already drifted away. The teacher just passed everything to me, and asked me to get him to do his 听写，作文，习字，I got tired, so we just went and ask for an exemption. I figured I can spend time teaching him something else instead.

When I met with the MOE folks about how my son was misdiagnosed, the MOE was very defensive and was ready to insist that their diagnosis stay, despite us having a good psychologist proving otherwise. Their threat: We will take away his exemption. They thought they could scare me, because I guess most parents wanted their kids exempted, and using a report from a psychologist to that effect. I could see the shock on their face when I told them I had no problem with taking that exemption away, because I am confident my son can cope with Chinese, 3 of my older kids did HMT with good enough results, so I am not scared of this threat.

Prior to MOE assigning an EP to us, I couldn’t find a psychologist for my son, the school did a suspension on him for something like kicking a boy during PE or whatever, it was never explained to us why the school suspended the kid. We were told he could only return to school after a psychological report. So we had to spend $3000+ on an IQ test and psychology report urgently. It was a clean report with no diagnosis. I had to complain to MOE before the MOE assigned a psychologist to look into the case who then diagnosed him. I then spent another sum to revert that diagnosis. Do you mean every parent should be expected to spend that kind of money before a taxpayer’s child is allowed to go to a public school?

Yes, I may sound like I am ranting. I am against sending kids to psychologists. Why am I asked to send my son, then? Total waste of time, and I don’t want ever to have to visit a psychologist again. What options do I/other parents have?

[kitty2]

Chenonceau:

kitty2:

I also stop attending PTA,they'll say the same thing every year,i also know. :slapshead: Some teachers even suggested to my friend to get a tutor for her kids :stupid:

The Teachers can't cope. They used to complain to MOE, who told them to PARTNER PARENTS. So this is how they partner parents. It's ok. I got the message, I will henceforth take my DS' education in hand. The Teachers can't cope. I will have to.

Happily enough... I can.

I wonder what's the point of spending so much time in school if the teacher can't teach well :? One top school will always ask the kids\"Who has tuition?\" :rotflmao:

My friend's kid is very weak in maths and is placed in a smaller class.Who knows was given an old teacher who can't teach and must refer to answer sheet,LIAO LAH :slapshead: :stupid:

[Chenonceau]

I am a psychologist. I have so far resisted all sorts of tests on my children. They create expectations and labels. I wanted to respond to what I saw… not project what they are based on a report.


No psychometric instrument is completely thorough in capturing the complexity of a child. I could see signs of mild autism in DS. I didn’t want to get him tested. When he was little, I watched and observed and responded with techniques used on autistic kids. He now has reached a certain emotional maturity and thinks himself quite normal.

My DS went to preschool and sat alone. He wouldn’t talk. After TWO years he made ONE friend. After THREE years, he made THREE. I encouraged these associations… and used them to teach him social skills. In lower primary, I would get him to storyboard the day’s social interactions everyday. Little by little I talked him through. Today, he has plenty of friends.

[Musings]

2ppaamm:

Something is so wrong. Why must a kid prepare for P1? Hello? P1? It is supposed to be the START of a formal education. They should know nothing, not evey ABCs or 123 before they start school?! What is happening? If they can read and do math by then great. But that should never be expected as norm. Something is wrong... something is wrong...

Something is wrong but it is with parents' expectations and burdens put on the child. The education system is created by the collective expectations of parents.

At P1, the system still starts off from the the very basics such as addition within 10 - of course almost all kids who goes to preschool will have master this and more by K1/K2. My son has become increasingly perplexed after 1 month in P1 wondering why they are covering basic stuff which he has mastered in P1 (I can only explain that there may be kids who do not go to preschool...)

The next question is why preschools are teaching way beyond and covering P1 curriculum - this is because parents EXPECT the preschool to do so otherwise the preschool is deemed to be incompetent or not preparing the kids sufficiently for P1. It affects their business if parents label them as lousy. Many parents I know complain about the preschool if they do not conduct weekly spelling and tingxie by K1.

I realise parents are now not concerned so much about what their kid should be learning at a certain age but pegged their kids' learning to what other kids are capable of at that age.

The truth is many parents (even the not gancheong ones) will panic after reading what the kids of KSP parents can do at age 3, 4, 5...and unsubconsciously use that as a benchmark for their own kids. If their own kids fall short, they then send to enrichment classes to achieve what they deemed is the 'norm'. At the end of the day, parents have to be conscious that they should callibrate the learning of their child against the child's abilities/maturity and not other kids.

I was surprised that many kids of KSP parents are not just reading but reading long chapter books like Charlotte's Web by K2. I must admit my son can't do that at P1 - even though he may be able to read the words but he does not have the maturity/attention span to follow the plot through. I had to exercise great restraint not to push him beyond what he is ready for despite what other kids may be achieving at his age.

[Chenonceau]

Musings:

Something is wrong but it is with parents' expectations and burdens put on the child. The education system is created by the collective expectations of parents.

I don't think any parent knew enough about Singapore Math to create it in the education system. I don't think many parents know enough of
(1) hypotheses
(2) controls
(3) logico-positivist
... to influence the Science syllabus.

However, the Science and Math syllabus being what it is today, parents have no choice but to start early.

[BigDevil]

autumnbronze:

Among my teachers friends, many of their kids are with maids, student care or parents/in laws cuz they work long hours. Some of them don't even see their kids on weekdays, only on weekends.

In fact, taking leave to coach their kids is unheard of too.

:hi5:
Last year, DD had a very good English teacher. She is a senior teacher in the school, and according to DD's P1 English teacher, this senior teacher really knows how to challenge the students and get them to do their best.

We managed to speak with her once, and commented that her children
must have very high standard of English. She replied that she had no time
to coach them, and she sent them to Lorna Whiston for English enrichment.

Next day, we went to Lorna Whiston to check out their programs.

[Daddy D]

Thanks 2ppaam and Chenonceau for sharing… I feel enlightened.

[autumnbronze]

So the other day, my MIL calls me up speaking to me in a kan cheong tone .....


The gist is that she wanted me to start preparing DS1 for Primary school (he is in K1 right now). She went on and on about how and what I shd do to prepare him. As a dutiful DIL, I just listened respectfully and said \"yes mum\". Later, when I shared this with DH, he mentioned that some parent had caused her to be in a frenzy because the latter was giving advice about how DS1 should be prepared for P1 etc .... Prior to that, my MIL, who gives tuition from P1 to Sec level and is familiar with the sch syllabus,had not seen the necessity to start preparing him before hand. Get the drift???

Recently, she has been teaching him maths and science (very conventional manner) every time he goes over. Yesterday, she even called him up and
over the phone and was testing his knowledge of addition and subtraction.
Yes, I am grateful that my MIL takes an interest in my DS1's learning, even though I may not agree with her methods (ie rote learning as opposed to learn thru play at this age). But I have to trust my DH when he says that she will do a good job as she taught him as well. I am not interfering in her actions cuz 1) he goes there once a week now and 2) most importantly, I see that he seems to be taking it positively ie not feeling pressurized to learn this or that by a certain period of time 3) if it gives her a sense of
achievement in contributing to her grandson's success in education, then so be it .... its not fun growing old .... many tend to lose their zest. But I do
control how often he goes there precisely because I do not want my DS1 to be consumed with academic learning. Having sound principles and a solid moral ground is what I am targeting right now.

His kindy does not give homework nor ting xie. They pride themselves for adequately preparing their kids for P1 without incorporating the former. I
was a teeny bit concerned about that at first. But not now, apparently, my DS has been complaining that he doesn't get time to play anymore, apart from snack time, as opposed to when he was in Nursery, cuz now it \"study, study, study\". I have yet to verify this but It could be true cuz since this year, he has been asking for time to play immediately after coming back home from school.

Apologies for any errors or the lopsided spacing .... darn the iPad :slapshead:

[autumnbronze]

To cont ....


No, I am not going to over prepare him cuz we are having fun just learning things that interest him. He is into parachutes ie how do they work and why does the parachute crumples when it lands etc .... He is also interested in the pulley system and has been persuading me to build one :yikes:

Thank God for YouTube!!!

It could end up being a folly of mine, especially after reading many of the posts in KSP about the primary school academic education. But at this point of time, this is my take - unless my child exhibits some kind of learning disability or is not motivated in learning, I do not deem it necessary to prepare or over prepare him for P1.

[Daddy D]

I think a lot of KSP parents here are 卧虎藏龙 one... As in knows-a-lot-but-don't-say-only :razz:


Parents know their kids best, and want the best for their kids.
No harm pushing kids if they can cope with more, or are faster in learning certain skills.

But all work and no play also cannot.
Need to develop the social skills as well.
And the best enrichment brand is only as good as the abilities of teacher and student.
If teacher cannot teach or manage class, also no use.
If student cannot listen and disruptive, also no use.
So Parents also need to do their homework and monitor their kids development.
From there, take corrective actions accordingly.