Worried parents taking children to psychologists

[2ppaamm]

insider:

It takes a sensible parent to decide whether to send a child for assessment or not to send. A sensible (not 'ostrich') parent knows best about his/her own child.


A sensible parent needs to have a firm principle about what is 'normal' instead of what is 'super normal'. As long as the child is 'normal', then can forget about what the teachers/others said if the expectations are those of 'super normal'.

A sensible parent with a 'normal' child will know how to smile at others when the latter comment about his/her child being 'slow', 'not up to par', etc, with a 'never mind' heart instead of taking such comments harshly.

Such parent may even laugh at difficult exam together with the child after the child fails it.

With this mentality, then everything also can be a 'no issues'. The moment one cannot accept such 'well intentioned but ill comment/method', then the child will start to have more troubles coming his/her way.

I support psychological testings if the needs are genuine. Learning disabilities should be identified during preschool years or else it maybe more difficult to reverse when the child enters P1. To me, the burden / guilt of a child not being identified in his preschool mostly lies with his preschool teacher if she really fails to identify it after at least 6 months with a child (this kind of teacher 'eat waste rice').

I believe Funz and I and many other preschools are getting to see more and more preschoolers with learning disabilities and as long as the preschool that a child is in is not the 'academic' type, then if the teacher proposes a professional assessment, the need is likely to be a genuine one. If child is in an academic preschool, then parents may have to rethink about such need since in most academic-driven preschools, they hardly could see a child anything further than whether can read or master timetables... (that's why academic-driven preschools are overall harmful to 'slower' young children who can anytime get 'labeled').

What about a parent who knows her kid best, and saw no need for a diagnosis, but was forced by the school who insist they know the kid better, claiming the teacher has got 30 years of teaching thousands of students? And that the child cannot come back until he has seen a psychologist?

Sometimes, I wish things are simpler.

[2ppaamm]

Chenonceau:

2ppaamm:

What do you think? My British friend in the industry told me Singapore has the highest learning disability diagnoses in the world. Just how can that be?!

Yes... this is true. We are trigger happy with tests. I reckon that for very severe cases, testing is necessary... and helpful but for many mild cases, I simply think that these form part of the rich diversity of children we have... and many solutions are commonsensical. In such cases, it's good to let the child know that he/she is normal... and not create any baggage.

Exactly, the word I am searching for. BAGGAGE.

[toddles]

buds:

toddles:

this is actually the first thread I'm reading abt teachers in a while...

Shows you've been gone awhile...

PS. Hope you and the babies are well. :hugs:

thanks buds! yup, I've been hanging out at the political threads and chwee kueh thread too much.... hee.

[Chenonceau]

toddles:

buds:

[quote=\"toddles\"]this is actually the first thread I'm reading abt teachers in a while...

Shows you've been gone awhile...

PS. Hope you and the babies are well. :hugs:

thanks buds! yup, I've been hanging out at the political threads and chwee kueh thread too much.... hee.[/quote]The chwee kueh thread is worth hanging out in... :drool: :drool: :drool:

[larkspur]

Chenonceau:

larkspur:

My son is in K1 this year and the childcare teachers have been giving them tracing and writing to do since Nursery2 and basically the whole class of K1 can write but not my son.The teachers have to even single out my son when it comes to writing by sitting beside him and hold his hands. The teachers would complain to us to try to teach my son to write and and it has become so depressing when i spend my weekday night to make him do writing and he just couldnt write. In the end i have to make a appointment to take him to polyclinic to get a referral letter to KKH to get him checked.Supposed to check if he has motor skills problem but ended first review in polyclinics shows he might have some eye vision problems.


I still have not gone for the psychologists yet for the schedule is end of this month but it is depressing to know he is the only one who couldn't write.

as for preparing a child for p1, i did that for my girl and i find that my girl actually loves school cos she finds it easier to catch. In actual fact, she told me her whole class knows of all the addition and substractions , number bonds except for one classmate who might not have gone through a preparatory class that he is struggling with number bonds and the teacher is so frustrated that she has to slap her own forehead when she realised the boy does not know what is number bonds. I can understand how it can feel like when you are the only one who does not know anything and the teachers might not have the time to go through that with you only if majority are already well versed cos of my son's case.

larkspur... I dunno if this helps but no matter how depressed you are, dun let the kid know... and dun yell at the Teacher. Teachers have said all sorts of things about my son. I never argue with them. They have their viewpoint, and it is their job to alert parents. I usually will smile and say \"thank you\".

Meanwhile, I consider that I know my kids best and I trust my own judgment. Sometimes, I agree that something needs to be done. Other times, I know that I just have to tweak with Teacher's mental models. As far as possible, I try to bridge the divide between my kid and his Teacher so that their relationship can move smoothly.

At times when I agree that something needs to be done, I also won't tell my kid. I will quietly read up and do what needs to be done without specifically explaining. The kids don't care... and the kids dun need to care. My son was slow to write too. The muscle co-ordination in his hands was poor. I told him that it was normal and that I hadn't ever met a grown up man who couldn't write... and that he would learn in time. We did a lot of writing in the playground sand with a stick because he couldn't control his fingers well.

Is it muscle control? If so, some finger exercises perhaps?

i must admit it has come to a point where i will yell at him and screamed at him :stompfeet: , it will make him so fearful of holding a pencil. It comes to a point whereby i know i cannot continue to teach him and my hubby has to take over. My hubby is quite kancheong but at least he can start off well with my son and i have to learn along side with my hubby on how to encourgage him.

My teachers at childcare told me to let my son do some simple housework like picking up toys, keeping books and playing with dough but does not help much. i never agrue with the teachers but imagine how depressing it is when my girl comes home and tells me that (last year my girl still in childcare during dec )her brother is the only one who cannot write and his classmates can. So i have 3 people telling me about my son: my girl, the chinese teacher and the english teacher.Maybe i think it would be good for me to get him checked up at least if i know he might need help and have to learn to be patient with him.

[toddles]

larkspur:

In actual fact, she told me her whole class knows of all the addition and substractions , number bonds except for one classmate who might not have gone through a preparatory class that he is struggling with number bonds and the teacher is so frustrated that she has to slap her own forehead when she realised the boy does not know what is number bonds. I can understand how it can feel like when you are the only one who does not know anything and the teachers might not have the time to go through that with you only if majority are already well versed as in my son's case.

OH MY! I have a Masters degree (numbers related) and I have absolutely no clue what a number bond is. Shoot me now. :faint:

[2ppaamm]

larkspur:

Chenonceau:

[quote=\"larkspur\"]My son is in K1 this year and the childcare teachers have been giving them tracing and writing to do since Nursery2 and basically the whole class of K1 can write but not my son.The teachers have to even single out my son when it comes to writing by sitting beside him and hold his hands. The teachers would complain to us to try to teach my son to write and and it has become so depressing when i spend my weekday night to make him do writing and he just couldnt write. In the end i have to make a appointment to take him to polyclinic to get a referral letter to KKH to get him checked.Supposed to check if he has motor skills problem but ended first review in polyclinics shows he might have some eye vision problems.


I still have not gone for the psychologists yet for the schedule is end of this month but it is depressing to know he is the only one who couldn't write.

as for preparing a child for p1, i did that for my girl and i find that my girl actually loves school cos she finds it easier to catch. In actual fact, she told me her whole class knows of all the addition and substractions , number bonds except for one classmate who might not have gone through a preparatory class that he is struggling with number bonds and the teacher is so frustrated that she has to slap her own forehead when she realised the boy does not know what is number bonds. I can understand how it can feel like when you are the only one who does not know anything and the teachers might not have the time to go through that with you only if majority are already well versed cos of my son's case.

larkspur... I dunno if this helps but no matter how depressed you are, dun let the kid know... and dun yell at the Teacher. Teachers have said all sorts of things about my son. I never argue with them. They have their viewpoint, and it is their job to alert parents. I usually will smile and say \"thank you\".

Meanwhile, I consider that I know my kids best and I trust my own judgment. Sometimes, I agree that something needs to be done. Other times, I know that I just have to tweak with Teacher's mental models. As far as possible, I try to bridge the divide between my kid and his Teacher so that their relationship can move smoothly.

At times when I agree that something needs to be done, I also won't tell my kid. I will quietly read up and do what needs to be done without specifically explaining. The kids don't care... and the kids dun need to care. My son was slow to write too. The muscle co-ordination in his hands was poor. I told him that it was normal and that I hadn't ever met a grown up man who couldn't write... and that he would learn in time. We did a lot of writing in the playground sand with a stick because he couldn't control his fingers well.

Is it muscle control? If so, some finger exercises perhaps?

i must admit it has come to a point where i will yell at him and screamed at him :stompfeet: , it will make him so fearful of holding a pencil. It comes to a point whereby i know i cannot continue to teach him and my hubby has to take over. My hubby is quite kancheong but at least he can start off well with my son and i have to learn along side with my hubby on how to encourgage him.

My teachers at childcare told me to let my son do some simple housework like picking up toys, keeping books and playing with dough but does not help much. i never agrue with the teachers but imagine how depressing it is when my girl comes home and tells me that (last year my girl still in childcare during dec )her brother is the only one who cannot write and his classmates can. So i have 3 people telling me about my son: my girl, the chinese teacher and the english teacher.Maybe i think it would be good for me to get him checked up at least if i know he might need help and have to learn to be patient with him.[/quote]Have you put him on the keyboard, as in computer keyboard? Can he type simple things you ask him to, like simple words or just alphabets you ask?

[corneyAmber]

buds:

I'm sure i didn't.


Sometimes people write what they feel strongly abt and may not realize how it is being read/perceived and while it may not be how the writer intended it to be. It takes great reflection to look back or read back at what was written... ( and boi there are plenty!!! )... btwn the lines or on the dot.

Aniwaes, the thread is also abt taking children to psychologists leh. Let's not again go into teachers. As a mod, it is also a responsibility to keep to topic right? :evil: Cos by asking for other parents' experience with \"such teachers you've had so many experiences with\"... it WILL rally on & spiral into the oh well... teacher talk again.

Now let's get back to the thread at hand. :rubhands:

Discuss issues. Enough abt people. Teachers included. :please:

Again you missed my point by several kilometres, the fact you cannot see I am on topic.
It is ok to agree to disagree.

[2ppaamm]

toddles:

larkspur:

In actual fact, she told me her whole class knows of all the addition and substractions , number bonds except for one classmate who might not have gone through a preparatory class that he is struggling with number bonds and the teacher is so frustrated that she has to slap her own forehead when she realised the boy does not know what is number bonds. I can understand how it can feel like when you are the only one who does not know anything and the teachers might not have the time to go through that with you only if majority are already well versed as in my son's case.

OH MY! I have a Masters degree (numbers related) and I have absolutely no clue what a number bond is. Shoot me now. :faint:

BANG BANG!

[Chenonceau]

larkspur:

i must admit it has come to a point where i will yell at him and screamed at him :stompfeet: , it will make him so fearful of holding a pencil. It comes to a point whereby i know i cannot continue to teach him and my hubby has to take over. My hubby is quite kancheong but at least he can start off well with my son and i have to learn along side with my hubby on how to encourgage him.

My teachers at childcare told me to let my son do some simple housework like picking up toys, keeping books and playing with dough but does not help much. i never agrue with the teachers but imagine how depressing it is when my girl comes home and tells me that (last year my girl still in childcare during dec )her brother is the only one who cannot write and his classmates can. So i have 3 people telling me about my son: my girl, the chinese teacher and the english teacher.Maybe i think it would be good for me to get him checked up at least if i know he might need help and have to learn to be patient with him.

I completely understand how you feel. My son's Chinese is awful. When I read what other children can write, I stress. Then I told him. I don't care what other kids can do. You and I, we are gonna do the best we can. Then we started Potato Chinese http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/content/learning-chinese-potato-way. Every little chunk memorized was an excuse for a jig. I tell my son that his Chinese sucks. It ain't his fault. It's mine 'cos I am a potato and he is a potato's son. My shoulders are broad and wide. I can shoulder the blame for his failings for a while still. Then I tell him that he has to overcome my failings and make it good on his own. And my son will try... and try... and try until 10pm at night when I have to force him to stop. He will wanna try on Sundays and I have to forbid it.

Nothing that's worth doing is easy. Help him be persistent by being very encouraging... and in the process your bond with him will strengthen.

Break down your expectations. It'll be easier for you to be happy for your son. Being happy for your son will encourage him. If writing is a problem, then work first on alphabet recognition. Sit on the floor where there are square floor tiles. Get a jar of broad beans or pebbles. Get him to form letters in the squares by lining up the beans. Praise him and tell him he's so very smart... and that other children can only write, but he can write with BEANS. Give him a sense of pride. This will motivate him. Do silly things like try and spit on a trail of ants so that they form a letter \"a\" or \"b\" or \"c\". We did that... the most difficult thing was to find enough spit.

After that, give him a big stick to write in the sand... or a big piece of mahjong paper and a paintbrush. One piece mahjong paper... one letter. Can write is can write what... who cares what you write with and who cares how big you write. Once he has developed some comfort and has enough giggling about writing then his muscle control may have developed enough to hold a pencil? Oh... you can also write on each other. Offer your stomach or your back. Write on HIS stomach and his back. Use soap lather to form letters on each others' bodies (but of course, only if you bathe with him lah... if you're not that sort then don't do this).

Your son is special. Every weakness is special. My son is a gong-gong. But I love his gong-gongness and I tell that that is what makes him special. Make your child feel special and he will expend every effort to stay special in your eyes.

It's easier for another parent to say all these... I am not in your situation. You know your situation best, however. I'm just being kaypoh into something I know little about. Forgive.