Does my kid need professional help?

[alng]

Hi All,


My dd, who is 12 years old, has been like this. For some of her past fears, she has overcome. But as she grows up, she has other fears. Like when she takes the air plane, she worries that the plane will crash. When she forgets to do something for the teacher, she worries that her teacher will not trust her anymore. She is so strict with herself and she does not allow herself to make mistakes. She has been a model student for the past five years and she obtains very very good results.

My dd chanced upon this thread just now and showed the thread to me. We took a look at the worrywisekids website and concluded that she has the following symptons:

•Easily distressed, or agitated when in a stressful situation
•Repetitive reassurance questions, "what if" concerns, inconsolable, won’t respond to logical arguments
•Headaches, stomachaches, regularly too sick to go to school
•Anticipatory anxiety, worrying hours, days, weeks ahead
•Disruptions of sleep with difficulty falling asleep, frequent nightmares, difficulty sleeping alone
•Perfectionism, self-critical, very high standards that make nothing good enough
•Overly-responsible, people pleasing, excessive concern that others are upset with him or her, unnecessary apologizing

Things are not to good lately. It could be due to PSLE stress that she is very absented minded lately. She keep forgetting things and misplacing things. She feels very guilty and has been very apologetic to me. I keep telling her that it is ok.

The fortunate part is my dd is aware of her problem. As a mom, what should I do? To seek professional help or to be patient with her and to render her support to overcome her problems and fears?

Thanks in advance!

[CayennePepper]

Hi alng

I think it may be difficult for your dd to try to overcome/resolve these feelings of worry and anxiety by herself, even with your support and encouragement.

My worrywart son tried to deal with his anxiety issues for ages, and he was fairly successful for periods of time. He's a very rational kid and kept reasoning with himself that his fears are not logical. But because his typical response to certain situations has been a specific way for soooo long, he can't talk himself out of it, much as he tried to.
I sought help when I realised how troubled and overwhelmed he was. I have to say I'm happy I did, because (1) someone is showing him how to deal with the anxiety, and (2) he felt very much relieved that he doesn't have to deal with it all on his own.

Oh, you may want to take a look at this book:
\"What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Anxiety\"
It's available from NLB.
It may be a little young for a 12yo, but some parts of it were useful for us, though I would NOT recommend trying some of the suggestions. They are better left to the professionals, esp behaviour modification approaches.

Meanwhile, please assure your dd that many kids have anxiety issues too, and they can be worked out. She will be just fine

[CayennePepper]

SandS:

Hi all,

I am seeking your opinions on my daughter's behaviour/character. I am getting more and more worried about her.

I can understand what you're feeling. My 9yo ds is like your dd in some aspects. He used to be a little afraid of creepy-crawlies as a preschooler and I had always thought he'd outgrow this fear. Unfortunately it grew right along with age and knowledge. There are others. Some fears go away, only to be replaced by new anxieties. The one about insects overwhelmed him so much, he was worried about life cycle topics in science class this year (i gather cockroaches are involved-why on earth??!).
Oh, i just remembered about the pains, large and little, here and there. My heart always sinks when he says, \"I don't feel well\" because it seems so often! Later, i learnt that all these anxieties can literally manifest in physical illness, and not just the butterflies-in-stomach variety. These are real symptoms, just that the causes are not physical in nature. We deal with the anxiety issues, and we help alleviate the physical health issues. Hopefully!

I think there's no harm in talking with a professional, who can assess if your dd needs help in dealing with her anxieties. With the right help, it can ease her mind. And yours.

[cnimed]

Hi CayennePepper,


Can you pm me the details of the therapist you engaged to help with your child's anxiety issues? Thank you!

[SandS]

Wow, reading there are many similar cases kinda assures me, that I am not alone. None of my friends have such experience before and they all think that my gal is just an attention seeker; but I know that’s not true. So thank you all for sharing about your kids.


We have been ‘shielding’ my daughter from a lot of news (flooding, tsunami, earthquake, sinking etc) for fear that she will over-react to it. In fact we try to make a conscious attempt to not discuss about such thing when she is around.

That is why I am starting to get very worried… for how long can we shield her from such news?! As she grow older the more stuff she will learn and she can’t possibly be afraid of everything that she will learn.

But when she is not in her ‘emo’ mode, she is happy and cheerful.

Funz,
Yes! It’s exactly like that. Almost breaking point, then she seems ok again. Then we just let it go. And then the cycle start again. And yes, we are the one that is drain.

Jedamum,
Aedes mosquito was one of my gal’s issue as well! She used to attend this art class which she enjoy tremendously. Even when she is not feeling well, she will want to attend the class. Until one day last year near the class, a big banner about how many aedes cases near surrounding area was put up. She asked about it, I just casually explain. The next few days she got a little afraid of going outside the house (fear that the mosquito follow us all the way home); and keep reminding me to use repellent on everyone. And then the following week onwards she flatly refused to go for the class. A class that she used to love and enjoy very much. So I worry how her fear will affect her from enjoying life.

CayennePepper,
You put it so well - the anxiety grew right along with age and knowledge! And yes, every day I say a silent pray that she will not complain of a pain somewhere. And when she does, it really makes me feel so helpless and worried. Can you pm me more info on the therapist your son is seeing?

PS : I am also a worry-warrior; so perhaps my gal got this gene of mine. I know when I was expecting her (wasn’t plan); I had 1001 worries - so maybe it kinda "leaked" to her?!

[Ichigokun]

Don't worry.


I'm 13 yrs old this yr and I sometimes get scared of something's and do certain actions to prevent it.

Last year, there was this one time a HUGE female hornet flew into my room and made a nest at the window sill, I SCREAMED THE SHIT OUT OF MYSELF and my mom broke open the nest which was made of mud and soil.

INSIDE THE BROKEN NEST WERE SEVERAL FAT, JUICY, WHITE DISGUSTING, ALIVE AND WRIGGLING HORNET LARVAE. MY MOM USED A PAIR OF DISPOSABLE CHOPSTICKS AND PICKED OUT THE WORMS ONE BY ONE.

Then, I sighted the female hornet buzzing outside my room, wanting to get in, I quickly shut the window and prevented it from coming in. I shut my Sister's window beside my room and the windows at the living room.

And yes, I hate hornets I have a phobia of those disgusting worms. Ew. Those worms gave me a cold shiver up to today.

[Ichigokun]

Anyway, Singapore NEVER has any natural disasters (no volcano anywhere, not near any border, Indonesia shields us from tsunamis, typhoons and hurricanes, what’s there to be afraid of?) besides VERY MILD floods. Moreover, we live in HDB flats and the floodwaters can NEVER destroy our homes.

[agent66]

Hi CayennePepper


I appreciate if you can pm me the details of your therapist too?

[alng]

Hi CayennePepper,


Thanks so much for your reply and advice. Would you please pm me the details of the help that you have sought. Thanks very much!