What would you do? A house-husband dilemma
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You can channel your energy into helping kids with special needs.
It would definitely be much appreciated.
I already know what I am gonna do when kids are older. Sit at home and shake legs for at least a year before doing some voluntary work.
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:goodpost: and the last part is funny!
UncleLim:
Hi mel2sg, you are not alone. There are many men who took years off to look after the kids for one reason or another, including myself.mel2sg:
Hi
Just want to seek opinions here, as I have been battling with myself for very long.
I am currently unemployed, and a house-husband. I used to be a finance professional before quitting 4 years ago for my kids, also partly due to economy downturn and career hit rock bottom.
Back then my 2-years old boy was attending Special school & speech therapies, due to his GDD (global dev delay). Hence, I was very involved in his dev, as I liased very closely with all the teachers & therapies so that I can teach him at home. When he attended Kindergarten, there was a period of time i checked with his teacher daily to address his behaviour issues. Furthermore, to ensure he can blend him to main stream, i have been reading and teaching him phonics. Well, today my boy is at P1, and he reads very well. Every times he came back with his test papers, scoring between 60 - 80 my wife & me are very proud of him.
As for my elder daughter, who is P5 this year, she is doing very well in her studies - 1st in her class last year. In a similar manner, I am very involved in her studies.
I have always wanting to go back to work. But seeing the much progress in kids, esp the boy, made me wanting to do more for him. occassionally, i will ask wife how long more I need to tend to the kids, which normally we do not have an answer. As you know, i have to deal with the daily stares of neighbours, and not to mention even my own parents are embarassed that i being a house-husband.
I am getting very very frusfrated by the day not knowing what to do. Hope can hear some adv here, thanking you in advance.
Yes, no more job title. No business card to exchange when you bump into an old friend. Loss of self-worth. Change in dynamics with relatives. The feeling of not being respected. Mid life crisis. Frustration and maybe even depression.
This path less travelled is also a learning journey for a man. How not to depend on the corporate world or even our culture to tell ourselves how much we are worth. Ten years down the road, I bet you and your family will be in a better state than many others in terms of stability and how well your children have been brought up.
The trick here is not to jump into any low-entry-barrier economic activity to boost your sense of self-worth. I have a friend who lost his engineer job and then unhappy with the state of affairs, ventured into part-time business consulting, property, insurance, recruitment, farming, forex and options trading and a host of other things. It was plain to see that he could not accept himself just as he is.
But that is not to say you cannot venture into doing business, or part time work. For all you know, such arrangements can lead to something else further down the road. But your committment to this new work should be tailored in such a way that you can still manage the household and children effectively.
If you are already comfortably provided in terms of finance, make sure you do not rush into any business with just a cash injection and become a sleeping partner due to your lack of experience in that industry. While it is nice to be transformed into a business owner from a stay-at-home-dad, you might be putting yourself and your family savings at risk just to feel better about yourself.
Anyway, just to say with you something that cheered me up a lot when I met with another parent recently ...
Me: So what do you do ? (Actually I usually try not to ask this question.)
The Other Guy: Oh, I am retired now.
Me: Ah ! That is nice. What did you use to do ?
The Other Guy: Before I retired? I was a stay-at-home-Dad.
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mel2sg:
first of all, :salute:
I am currently unemployed, and a house-husband.
I have always wanting to go back to work. But seeing the much progress in kids, esp the boy, made me wanting to do more for him. occassionally, i will ask wife how long more I need to tend to the kids, which normally we do not have an answer. As you know, i have to deal with the daily stares of neighbours, and not to mention even my own parents are embarassed that i being a house-husband. I am getting very very frusfrated by the day not knowing what to do. Hope can hear some adv here, thanking you in advance.
Your situation has made mine a mole hill. For one, I am someone's wife and mom. The social expectation of me not working would have been kinder. second, I am still employed. The only thing is I \"downgraded\" to a \"sin nang\" ( easy) job. -
mel2sg:
Indeed... I have the same concern too. What should I do when my child grow up? By then I would be old, obsolete and useless.. No money some more...
I think my real challenge (dilemma) is what to do with my life after children - when one gets old and is far far away from the required Min Sum CPF - esp when the govt keeps reminding you on the target. :stompfeet:
But if given a choice again, I think I would still choose the same path. Earning less money, giving up the climb up the corporate ladder, just so that I can be a part of my child's life and watch him grow. -
mel2sg:
Actually you are in a 24/7 job but not paid in $$ terms, that's all. However, in our society, people very naturally see you in terms of your profession.
I am currently unemployed, and a house-husband. I used to be a finance professional before quitting 4 years ago for my kids, also partly due to economy downturn and career hit rock bottom.
Perhaps there are more people doing this now. In my neighbourhood, I have see several fathers fetching their kids to an fro from school. Maybe in this forum you could find a few.
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wiimum:
Can give ownself a job title like counselor or supervisor?
Actually you are in a 24/7 job but not paid in $$ terms, that's all. However, in our society, people very naturally see you in terms of your profession.mel2sg:
I am currently unemployed, and a house-husband. I used to be a finance professional before quitting 4 years ago for my kids, also partly due to economy downturn and career hit rock bottom.
Perhaps there are more people doing this now. In my neighbourhood, I have see several fathers fetching their kids to an fro from school. Maybe in this forum you could find a few.
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Can give ownself a job title like counselor or supervisor?
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i thinking a job title of Controller (volunteer) :evil: control all house matters, marketing, kids, finance and etc......... -
Hi mel2sg
I think you have a very successful 'career'. I coach my kids and they are still struggling in keeping up with the exams. You are doing such a great job that you should be really proud of. :salute:
I have a part-time job that keep me sane, staying at home is a lot more stressful than what people think. If able to find some part-time job, it would be ideal.
Take care. -
mel2sg, sorry that i dont have any sound advice for you. just want to give you a pat on the back for what you have been doing ...
i have a special needs child too, and i can understand that the efforts that you have put in to bring your child to where he is today must have been through sheer hard work and perserverance. :salute:
maybe like what some parents say, share your experience and expertise with the special needs community. such experience is always very valuable especially coming from parents who have walked the path, and so successful some more ... -
1. You have done extremely well to bring up your kids' studies so well and helped your younger kid overcome his learning challenges. They will be eternally grateful for a Dad like you. You are the \"best or nothing\" (Mercedes Benz' slogan).
2. Your experience will be helpful to others with similar needs - when you have more time on hand, you could be paid for helping other parents facing similar challenges as you faced with your son. There will be organisations / groups that need your experience and expertise. You could turn professional. Seriously think about it. You have a very marketable experience. Who says you must go back to finance-related job ?
3. Why be bothered by what others say or think ? Can they do what you do ? It is a sacrifice not many men can rise up to it. Be proud of yourself.
4. Be thankful you are debt free. Freedom is priceless
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