Alex Ong, 25, pushes elderly lady off the bus

[Lilac66]

LOLMum:

Ichigokun:

That was what the uncle that pushed Alex back said. That Alex Ong xxxxxxx still go back to his seat like machiam nothing happen liddat.

Hi,

When u snap, u snap. Anything anywhere couold trigger it.

And maybe u would like to erase the word I had xed out above in your original posr.


A kid shouldn't be using such words even if it is 2012 now.

Like the way you put it across as a gentle reminder to Ichigokun, you must be a very patient mum to your kids.
Gotta to learn from you.

[pinky]

phtthp:

tutormum:

The old lady ranted at him and made remarks like \"I'm not a lift attendant, don't expect me to hold the lift for you.

some old folks are a bit cranky.
Perhaps because they are very lonely - their spouse died, their children hardly visit them or they still single, never married. Just tell your son to ignore what she said. Take it that she's old and cranky, ignore her irritating remarks.

agree, there are seniors who are really cranky and I have to really keep my cool in case people accuse me of bullying them. there is this old lady whom I meet many times in the wet market and she will bulldoze her way through the crowd with her market trolley and use her hand to shoo people to one side as she passes by. Once her trolley knocked into my right leg but she gave me a 'siam lah' look when I looked back at her. Also another senior on wheelchair will use her walking stick to hit your legs if you are blocking their way.

[atutor2001]

From the video, it is quite clear that this guy is indeed autistic. Unfortunately his parents failed in guiding him. It is real tough to teach an autistic kid. They have zero social skill. They will not hold back their inner feeling and act according to their thoughts - which can be violent. Unless they are drilled from young, the way that guy has behaved should be considered quite normal, coming from a person with autism. His blog also shows that he is speaking from his heart. I believe under favourable condition he is quite independent and ok. He probably snap due to some unhappiness and he was speaking from his heart - they don’t know how to tell lies.


A friend told me that she had to remind her boy (everyday) for 4 years "to wait for the teacher to finish before he can leave the class, even though the school bell had rung". Finally, it becomes a norm that he accepted and followed.

Every simple social norm must be instilled through repetitive reminders. It must start from a very young age. Unfortunately, most parents here are unaware and let the autistic kid grow up without any "social training".

Another friend’s kid, a very quiet boy, beat up the school teacher (quite badly). It happened out of the blue - nobody would ever dream of such thing coming from him. He was pressurised by exam but the teacher was scolding the class for not studying. He had put in lots of effort and felt being wrongly accused for being lazy.

Try getting to know the problem of autism and we will be more understanding and forgiving. Maybe try volunteering in Minds, it will be an eye opener on how violent autistic people can be, specially if they grow up without proper guidance from young.

[schweppes]

Hi atutor2001,


Just wish to clarify some pointers

atutor2001:

From the video, it is quite clear that this guy is indeed autistic. Unfortunately his parents failed in guiding him. It is real tough to teach an autistic kid. They have zero social skill.

I would not say that autistic kids have \"zero\" social skills. What they may lack are the appropriate social skills and awareness, but I would not say that they have \"zero\" social skills.

atutor2001:

They will not hold back their inner feeling and act according to their thoughts - which can be violent.

This is definitely NOT true. Not all autistic kids are violent. Whilst some asd kids might feel frustrated and anxious because they may feel misunderstood, they are NOT violent individuals.

They guy in the video probably just snapped. He may not have the proper intervention when young and must have been under tremendous psychological and emotional pressure to have just snapped like that.

I do not condone his behaviour but I hope he will seek help to manage his emotions and behaviour.

atutor2001:

Unless they are drilled from young, the way that guy has behaved should be considered quite normal, coming from a person with autism. His blog also shows that he is speaking from his heart. I believe under favourable condition he is quite independent and ok. He probably snap due to some unhappiness and he was speaking from his heart - they don't know how to tell lies.

Ehm... again, I would not quite say that all asd individuals normally behaves like that. Not true. Just want to clarify that an autistic individual do not just snap like that or fly off the handle.

Thought that it's important I clarify the above lest readers might have the wrong impression that asd individuals are violent. They are not.

[schweppes]

It is important for parents of asd kids to seek early intervention for their children. Therapy can be in the form of social skills awareness, behavioural therapy, occupational therapy (OT), etc. These forms of therapies help the child to understand the complexities of a very social world. The asd mind is wired \"logically\", which means that it's a very black and white world to them. Social skills and behavioural therapy teach them the \"rules\" of social norms. What comes naturally for a lot of neurotypical (NT) individuals, is somewhat lacking for them.


What's normal for the NTs may not be normal to the asd child. And vice versa. Depending on which side one belongs in, who is the normal person then?

I'm not so sure about the part about the parents failing to guide him. It's hard to say. The guy is 26yo. More than 2 decades back, autism is almost unheard of. Don't think there was much awareness then - amongst the doctors and health professionals. May not have the adequate treatment and resources or expertise available to families more than 20 years back.

I don't know his family background, so I'm just assuming here. It's likely that the parents felt that he was different but probably would not know any better. They probably thought and hoped that his behaviour is a passing phase.

I am not making excuse for his behaviour and he should not be using his disorders as an excuse for his behaviour and current predicament either. As I mentioned earlier, I hope he will seek help for his emotional and mental state of mind. Only then, will he be more acceptable to society.

These days, educators and health professionals are more aware and should be able to pick up certain cues. Parents are better educated and will be better informed too to make the right call for their kids. Very important for asd kids be sent for early intervention so that we can help them integrate better into society.

[atutor2001]

Thanks schweppes for your corrections. Yes, violent is not an appropriate word, extreme behaviour may be more apt. My limited encounters with them (especially those from poor family with no early intervention) taught me that when they are upset (for reason best known to themselves and mostly not frequent), the only way is to leave them alone. Usually they have someone whom they trust. Only this particular person can calm them down when they are unhappy.


I only hope that there is greater public awareness of the "extreme" behaviour that this group of individuals can display. I am sure most people will react differently to this episode if they have worked with asd. My apology if I have given a wrong impression on autistism with my earlier post.

PS
Fully agree that there is very little understanding on autism here even at the present time. Many parents with young autistic kids do not know what to do. Expertise is limited and consultation is too expensive. Some designated schools claimed to have people trained in this area but their knowledge and experience is limited. The teaching process is tedious, requiring lots of patience and time (24/7 from the parent).

[schweppes]

Thanks atutor2001, u are a rare gem!! Not many make an effort to understand the psyche and behavior of special needs individuals. Fully agree with you that there should be greater awareness and compassion from society and the govt. Families with special needs kids need all the help and support they can get.


No apologies needed. Am glad that you are open to my humble sharing. We are all here to learn from each other. :hi5:

[pinkblue]

Old and cranky still alright but some old ppl do have poisonous mouth.

[schweppes]

When an asd child is perceived to \"misbehave\" in public - for example, extreme meltdowns or temper tantrums, it's not necessarily a case of poor parenting or the child being rude and ill-mannered.


There are logical and possible reasons to the kid's meltdown. As every asd child is different, it can be a case of over or under sensory overload. In other words, the child is over stimulated (or sometimes under stimulated). Again, it varies from child to child.

Over stimulation can come in various forms. Too bright florescent lights that hurt the eyes, sounds that hurt the ears, clothes that feel uncomfortable on their skin, etc. Because the child feels uncomfortable, it may result in him having a meltdown - because that's the only way he can communicate his discomfort.

Some asd child may have a very heightened or acute sense of one of the five senses. Again, every child is different.

For example, if the child is hyper-sensitive to sounds - he will usually cover the ears to certain sounds. So, what may be pleasant music or some upbeat tempo playing at the mall, may actually hurt the child's sense of hearing. In other words, the child feels pain just listening to the music that is played over the speaker.

But for another asd child, it may not be music but the sound of a bus bell. So, the mother of this particular child will avoid taking buses if possible, because every time the bus bell rings, the child covers his ears.

Another asd child may be sensitive to bright lights or flash bulbs. So this child hates his picture taken - especially if a flash bulb is used. My friend never understood why her child hates the flash bulb. When the child was a little older and able to communicate, he likened the flash bulb to someone using a knife and piercing his eyes. I know, it sounds gory and graphic. But it helps to explain why he disliked having his picture taken. It's not an exaggeration on the child's part. But it helps to explain the extreme pain the child feels in his eyes. It's no wonder that the child has a meltdown every time it was picture taking time. Who are we to blame the child for behaving as such. Imagine it's us having someone stabbing a knife into our eyes.

At the other end, there are kids who are under-sensitive. In other words, the senses are not as acute. So, a child who has an under-sensitive olfactory sense, will not cringe or hold his breath if he's near the garbage collector clearing the trash. That's probably because he can't really smell very well.

I hope the above explains why some asd kids behave they do. It's not due to poor parenting or plain bad behavior on the child's part. It's a physiological and neurological problem. The asd child did not ask to be born this way. And on the same note, it's not as if the parents did something bad or ate something wrong during the gestation period.

But being diagnosed with asd is NOT a death sentence. There is greater awareness and better resources available now. But still not enough!! Can definitely be made better and more affordable. With early intervention, most asd kids learn to manage their emotions and behavior. The high functioning ones go on to lead normal lives.

That's why public awareness and support is important. A little compassion goes a long way.

[fightingmom]

Thank you, schweppes for sharing the above regarding asd child. With such knowledge, I agree that compassion and understanding to the child and his parents goes a long way for them.