HOW TO MOTIVATE MY GIRL TO PUT IN MORE EFFORT IN HER STUDIES

[schweppes]

jtoh:

Is there a LIKE button? Thanks for sharing, Schweppes and Chenonceau.

:thankyou: jtoh

[beanbear]

Chenonceau:

A quick continuation before I rush off again...


How to get her to stand up and try walking. You can try the following steps.

(1) Lighten her emotional burden. Let her know that you understand how challenging the school sysem is and that you don't blame her for not being good at Math. When DS was failing Chinese... I took his burden on my shoulders, saying \"It's not your fault. It's mine. I should have been more vigilant and moved to support you in lower primary. I shouldn't have left you alone to face a school system that NEEDS parental involvement.\" I reckoned that my shoulders are wider and stronger. I can bear the burden better. By taking the emotional burden away, I made his load lighter and he was able to stand up and try to walk.

(2) Make it alright to fail. Mommy needs to look failure in the face and accept it. With courage in her heart, Mommy can turn and tell the child \"Even if you don't do well, so what? There are other pathways to success. You will end up wherever you will end up but meanwhile, Mommy is by your side... and if you flunk out, I will still be there because I have no other child but you.\" This failure acceptance will take away a lot of energy sapping fear from the child. It's like a pain reduction technique where when you reduce pain... the sick person finds strength to get up and walk.

(3) ... I will come back and write this.

:goodpost: Inspiring post!! Thanks for making explicit words and actions we could use with our interactions with our kids. There are times when i feel so sapped up and all I could do is to ventilate at my poor kids who are really blameless. It's really not their fault when they find academic work so difficult at times.

Thanks for reminding me the power I have within me to be a source of strength & hope & joy to my kids, especially as I end a most tiring week. :hugs:

[Chenonceau]

Thanks ladies!!

[Happy Family2329]

Thanks everyone for the advice and especially Chen for sharing. i am doing a reflection myself and hope that its not too late . Wish me luck and once again thank you.

:thankyou:

[Chenonceau]

Happy Family2329:

Thanks everyone for the advice and especially Chen for sharing. i am doing a reflection myself and hope that its not too late . Wish me luck and once again thank you.

:thankyou:

Heyyyyy... all the best to you. This close to the PSLE, I really doubt that there is any strategy I can share with you that will get your child to a state of High Drive for the PSLE. What I had hoped to do was to set you off on a path that would allow you to help your child AFTER PSLE. I have friends from Normal stream who made it to NUS and now manage staff globally.

A strong Emotional Connection allows you to exert control over your child in adolescence. Teens don't fear parents anymore. Force cannot work. You need to rule them with reins of love. This post may interest you...http://petunialee.blogspot.com/2010/04/conservation-of-resources-theory.html

[kylene]

Hi Chenonceau,

I really like what you wrote about Emotional Connection. Can you share more about how we can build a strong Emotional Connection? Thanks

[Chenonceau]

I am on holiday right now. No access to the drafts of the book I will be publishing in Jul-Aug. I will see if I can cut and paste a relevant excerpt from the book when I go home.

[poohcutie]

Hi Chenonceau


Thanks for sharing.

My p3 gal used to be hardworking and took initiative to complete her work. However, I feel there’s a change in her since last yr which I’m worried. She became rude (to me) and she needs me to constantly nag at her to complete her work. Haiz

How can I get a copy of ur book?

Thank u

[sean wife]

Hi Chen,


Will you be holding any talks for parents on motivating young children (5-6 year old)?

My kids probably aren’t the naturally motivated kind when it comes to doing work (at home at least) …so hopefully if I can have some strategy in place before they hit formal primary school years, it could save me much heartache and depression later on….

Actually at this age, I am alternating between the thoughts ‘Why can’t they do their work independently?’, and ‘Am I expecting too much….?’…
Thanks.

[Chenonceau]

sean wife:

Hi Chen,


Will you be holding any talks for parents on motivating young children (5-6 year old)?

My kids probably aren’t the naturally motivated kind when it comes to doing work (at home at least) …so hopefully if I can have some strategy in place before they hit formal primary school years, it could save me much heartache and depression later on….

Actually at this age, I am alternating between the thoughts ‘Why can’t they do their work independently?’, and ‘Am I expecting too much….?’…
Thanks.

Yes... I will. Let me get the book out first and I will launch talks like this. Patience... It takes a lot longer to format a book than I thought. All \"behavior\" needs to change to \"behaviour\".... all \"organization\" has to become \"organization\"... all dates, facts and numbers to be checked and re-checked... multiple readings to ensure that dry research in psychology is made layman easy in the same way that I make it easy in the earlier posts on this thread.

It's easy to write short posts and make them easy to understand. It is harder to convert research into layman easy when it is a 300+ page book. I also need to delete some stuff because the book is too thick, with its practical case studies... anecdotes... and theories. I'm about there. We're just being very stringent on the details because the big things have been resolved in the previous 3 vettings by 9 people.

Right now, I am re-reading everything with a Reading Companion to discuss every line... a bit more to go. Patience please.