HOW TO MOTIVATE MY GIRL TO PUT IN MORE EFFORT IN HER STUDIES

[hokkiengirl]

Chenonceau:

Hahaha... kam siah. Though... the book isn't on improving relationships... it's about motivating your child to WANT to study. However, if a parent can properly motivate, the relationship will improve.

Yup, I figure that if I learn how to properly motivate (as opposed to losing my cool and screaming like a banshee after a while) and he learns how to be happily motivated, we will have less conflict with each other. Can I assume that the motivational techniques can also be applied to other areas of life and not just studies? It's fine if it is very specifically about academics, too; managing that area will already help us loads!!

[hokkiengirl]

Chenonceau:

Hokkiengirl, Schweppes, Dino_Mummy and Coast... thank you for such publicly warm and encouraging words on this thread (and privately encouraging PMs over the past 2 years). Please accept a very small gesture of thanks on my part. It isn't very much but I would like to waive postage charges for ONLY the 4 of you. It's not so much the $$ but a small gesture of heartfelt thanks - especially to Coast for all her moral support.

:thankyou: !!! Much, much appreciated. Will send you a pm with the necessary info.

[Chenonceau]

hokkiengirl:

Chenonceau:

Hahaha... kam siah. Though... the book isn't on improving relationships... it's about motivating your child to WANT to study. However, if a parent can properly motivate, the relationship will improve.

Yup, I figure that if I learn how to properly motivate (as opposed to losing my cool and screaming like a banshee after a while) and he learns how to be happily motivated, we will have less conflict with each other. Can I assume that the motivational techniques can also be applied to other areas of life and not just studies? It's fine if it is very specifically about academics, too; managing that area will already help us loads!!

I use the strategies for everything...
(1) Motivate husband to come home early
(2) Motivate husband to buy me an eternity bracelet
(3) Motivate students to dress properly
(4) Motivate managers to do stuff in workshops

Blah... blah... blah...

The issue isn't in the strategies. It's how well you apply them. I've had Mommies come for therapy sessions and not until I play back the video do they realise what went wrong and why their child responded well to ME... but no longer respond well when the Mommies take over and LOOK LIKE they are using the same strategies.

It's like dancing. It involves both your cognition and your body.

Another Mommy after attending the therapy, went home and within 1 week worked a miracle on her nephew (whose own Mom was undergoing a divorce and was giving trouble in school). The word \"miracle\" was used by the nephew's Teacher. This Mommy caught on real fast and was able to transpose the techniques super easily to other situations and people.

Yet other Mommies still face problems with their own children even after 1 full session of therapy. I need to video tape over multiple sessions... talk through the events of the week every week... address one Mommy behaviour at a time.

Slowly.

Mommies are different. Some behaviours are alien to some Moms. It isn't intelligence. It's the shape of the Mom's psychology. You might be like that Mom who is a natural and can quickly implement the strategies across situations. Or you might be of the type that needs more feedback.

Play with the strategies and see for yourself.

[hokkiengirl]

Chenonceau:

[The issue isn't in the strategies. It's how well you apply them. I've had Mommies come for therapy sessions and not until I play back the video do they realise what went wrong and why their child responded well to ME... but no longer respond well when the Mommies take over and LOOK LIKE they are using the same strategies.

Got it, thanks! Your book is probably a must-read for me. I have a lot of theory about and not enough practice with gentle encouragement and motivation. Hope it sells really well! I will go tell all my mummy friends to buy!!!

[Chenonceau]

hokkiengirl:

Chenonceau:

[The issue isn't in the strategies. It's how well you apply them. I've had Mommies come for therapy sessions and not until I play back the video do they realise what went wrong and why their child responded well to ME... but no longer respond well when the Mommies take over and LOOK LIKE they are using the same strategies.

Got it, thanks! Your book is probably a must-read for me. I have a lot of theory about and not enough practice with gentle encouragement and motivation. Hope it sells really well! I will go tell all my mummy friends to buy!!!

Better read it first yourself lah... sekali malu you leh. :oops:

[schweppes]

Chenonceau:

Hokkiengirl, Schweppes, Dino_Mummy and Coast... thank you for such publicly warm and encouraging words on this thread (and privately encouraging PMs over the past 2 years). Please accept a very small gesture of thanks on my part. It isn't very much but I would like to waive postage charges for ONLY the 4 of you. It's not so much the $$ but a small gesture of heartfelt thanks - especially to Coast for all her moral support.

:thankyou: Chen, that's really very nice and sweet of you. Really appreciate it :love:

Will pm you my details.

[rooneyzeus]

Hi Schwepps, I would like to suggest you to try some other way of motivating instead of telling your daughter that you will buy her something if she performs well. You could try this same thing the other way round. You should tell her that she needs to study otherwise when she grows up she will have difficulties in buying things or something like this. You must try to reason with her practically like a grown up. I am sure she will see your point.


And by giving her what she wants in return of good grades could be wrong as she might start to believe that she will be given something only when she does something right. I am not asking you to spoil her by showering her with whatever she wants but she should understand that she is important for you and you as a mom are only thinking what is right for her. Do something that makes her feel that studying is her responsibility. Hope this works for you. :xedfingers:

[fightingmom]

rooneyzeus:

Hi Schwepps, I would like to suggest you to try some other way of motivating instead of telling your daughter that you will buy her something if she performs well. You could try this same thing the other way round. You should tell her that she needs to study otherwise when she grows up she will have difficulties in buying things or something like this. You must try to reason with her practically like a grown up. I am sure she will see your point.


And by giving her what she wants in return of good grades could be wrong as she might start to believe that she will be given something only when she does something right. I am not asking you to spoil her by showering her with whatever she wants but she should understand that she is important for you and you as a mom are only thinking what is right for her. Do something that makes her feel that studying is her responsibility. Hope this works for you. :xedfingers:

Sorry I kay poh here - eh... The person posting the question is not schwepps... It is Happy Family2329. (see page 1)

[schweppes]

rooneyzeus:

Hi Schwepps, I would like to suggest you to try some other way of motivating instead of telling your daughter that you will buy her something if she performs well. You could try this same thing the other way round. You should tell her that she needs to study otherwise when she grows up she will have difficulties in buying things or something like this. You must try to reason with her practically like a grown up. I am sure she will see your point.


And by giving her what she wants in return of good grades could be wrong as she might start to believe that she will be given something only when she does something right. I am not asking you to spoil her by showering her with whatever she wants but she should understand that she is important for you and you as a mom are only thinking what is right for her. Do something that makes her feel that studying is her responsibility. Hope this works for you. :xedfingers:

Dear rooneyzeus,
Wish to clarify that I am NOT the original poster to the question. The question is posed by HappyFamily2329.

[schweppes]

fightingmom:

rooneyzeus:

Hi Schwepps, I would like to suggest you to try some other way of motivating instead of telling your daughter that you will buy her something if she performs well. You could try this same thing the other way round. You should tell her that she needs to study otherwise when she grows up she will have difficulties in buying things or something like this. You must try to reason with her practically like a grown up. I am sure she will see your point.


And by giving her what she wants in return of good grades could be wrong as she might start to believe that she will be given something only when she does something right. I am not asking you to spoil her by showering her with whatever she wants but she should understand that she is important for you and you as a mom are only thinking what is right for her. Do something that makes her feel that studying is her responsibility. Hope this works for you. :xedfingers:

Sorry I kay poh here - eh... The person posting the question is not schwepps... It is Happy Family2329. (see page 1)

:thankyou: fightingmom, for helping to clarify on my behalf