Not exasperating our children and knowing when to let go

[MollyCoddle]

Many a times we do stuff to our children that we are unaware of. Like scolding them in public, talking at the top of our voices in public, making decisions that affect their lives - like taking them out of their school and putting them into another without considering their feelings, intervening excessively in their school work and other school matters.


I have one incident to share. My second child was being bullied by two older schoolmates when she was in primary school. I intervened and told the two girls that If this continued, I would have to bring it to the principal and they backed off.

Fast-forward many years later, she was insulted by one of her senior who resorted to some vicious name-calling, I asked her if she wanted any help from me. She said no and I told her if she needed any help or advice, she could come to me anytime. Actually I was angry with the older girl but I had to respect my daughter’s decision to handle the matter herself. It was hard for me to hold back but I had to respect my daughter and give her the space to exercise autonomy.

I realise that just as we complain about our children’s behaviour, they also have to tolerate and put up with us.

[Imami]

Indeed. It’s like trying to balance a Balancing scale with micro weights.


My child is still a preschooler. Every now and then I face situations where I need to let go because my child already has an opinion. So I could envisage with an older child, you have even more to deal with.

[Carnagejane]

I try to give my girls space to breathe by not overburdening them wif too many lessons, like piano, art, ballet etc

[MollyCoddle]

Hi Imami and CarnageJane,


Thanks for your response. I made some mistakes…this over-protectiveness…:-)

Have a great week ahead.

[Snow Crystal]

MollyCoddle:

I realise that just as we complain about our children's behaviour, they also have to tolerate and put up with us.

Thanks for this reflective post.
Scolding the kid in public is a no no to me, but as Asian parents, most of us are perhaps guilty of talking down to them in private, passing cynical remarks, forcing our opinions on them, wanting to take charge of their decision making process, not listening to their opinions and just ask them to follow whatever we think is right, demanding for more even though they tried cos we don't recognise that there's always a limit to what they can do and in our comment 'so long as you try your best', the definition of 'your best' is always a high standard of our own definition etc...
Yes, our kids have feelings too and we should respect them.
Let's all work towards being better parents and helping our kids get a good balance in life, school and personal development.

[MollyCoddle]

Snow Crystal:

MollyCoddle:

Let's all work towards being better parents and helping our kids get a good balance in life, school and personal development.

Ditto...:-) I think it is important to realise what and where we have gone wrong as parents. I know the backlash can be painful.

Have a great day

[Imami]

MollyCoddle:

Hi Imami and CarnageJane,


Thanks for your response. I made some mistakes...this over-protectiveness...:-)

Have a great week ahead.

:snuggles: whenever I make a mistake (eg jumping into conclusion too soon/ misunderstood something and lectured my child for that), I would apologize to my child, saying I am also learning along the way because like him, I am learning (to be a mother) everyday.

[Imami]

tuition_czar:

Imami:

[quote=\"MollyCoddle\"]Hi Imami and CarnageJane,

Thanks for your response. I made some mistakes...this over-protectiveness...:-)
Have a great week ahead.

:snuggles: whenever I make a mistake (eg jumping into conclusion too soon/ misunderstood something and lectured my child for that), I would apologize to my child, saying I am also learning along the way because like him, I am learning (to be a mother) everyday.

You are a wonderful mommy indeed. Jiayou![/quote]We(all parents) all try to be the best for our children. Unfortunately parenting doesn't come along with a user manual nor it comes with ten year series + model answers. Each child is different, even from the same factory. With every child, we learn along the way. It's a partnership, while they grow and learn about the world, we learn about ourselves and how we can improve in our role as parents.

Being a parent is one of the most thankless job but it is also the most rewarding.

[sianonehalf]

Great read here. Thanks to all who have shared. I like this section of the forum most as it is not easy to post and share our thoughts and feelings, or perhaps to connect with others here is easier because we don’t have to ‘see’ one another but get to hear many people’s thoughts and have them relate their experience that makes us feel less alone in our own challenges.


I’m a husband of an awesome, supportive wife and a dad of 3 wonderful kids and have learned that marriage and parenting are not intuitive to us, we were not born knowing how to be great partners and parents and will always have to learn along the way as our partner and children also help us discover ourselves. I’m never gonna be the perfect hubby or dad but I would like to learn and share with everyone here. Great to be here.

[Imami]

Hello! Is your wife a regular here? I guess she would be touched by the above post..


But er…. You sounded like a very positive person. Why your ID…. Er… sian ji pua… :rotflmao: