5year old Angry, Impatient & Not Focussed...Advice Please

[Ran1977]

My son is now 4yrs 7mths (almost 5)...same thing...so not focussed and distracted by everything when asked to do his homework worksheets...also gets very angry and impatient over the littlest things? :mad:


Also when asked to bathe, wear his clothes or eat, he will take forever....are all 5year old children like this???There is NO SENSE OF URGENCY in them!
Are all 5year old boys this angry and hot tempered???
How do I deal with this as I am a single FTWM and he is the only child??

[Dawnie]

My 5-year old boy behaves this way at times too. I guess he is trying to get attention. I used to scream at him to get change, to brush him teeth, to do his homework etc. but I realized that this is how he pick up the bad habit of screaming. So now I try a different approach, talk to him nicely, or sometimes firmly not to the extend of screaming or shouting. It works for me after sometime.

[hokkiengirl]

Ah... my DS1 was like that, at 4, and 5, 6, 7... he's now 8 and still like that. Sad to say, there are some kids who seem to move through life V_E_R_Y slowly and are permanently in 'relax' mode. On hindsight, had I known what I know now about parenting and children, when my boy was 5, I would have:


1) taken a long break from homework and stuff to repair the relationship before starting to set routines again
2) moved him to a friendlier and less stressful kindergarten so that there would naturally be less tension between us when we were trying to comply with the school's demands
3) given him very clear guidelines and consequences for what to expect if he does not eat within the given time-frame (no tv), for example
4) waited till K2 to start small bite-sized bits of sit-down work with him (it should only take 15 min a day)

It's tough, but we can't give up cos we're The Parents. I hope it makes you feel better that YOU'RE NOT ALONE. And your son is not behaving abnormally, although it is, of course, not an ideal situation.

Maybe find him a sport or a hobby that he really enjoys? Or something that you both can do together for fun that doesn't lead to yelling? I must confess I regret being so harsh and fierce with DS1 cos I didn't know better. I thought he had to meet an standard which doesn't even exist! Now I know. And now I'm trying to be more patient. But he still can get to me! So take heart and perservere! Remember that he is still your little boy whom you love very much

[sean wife]

Hi Hokkiengirl,


Can you elaborate more about why you think you would have done those things on hindsight after all these years? My girls are also 5 and I hope to learn some valuable lessons from you here....Thanks for sharing.... :please:

[hokkiengirl]

sean wife:

Hi Hokkiengirl,


Can you elaborate more about why you think you would have done those things on hindsight after all these years? My girls are also 5 and I hope to learn some valuable lessons from you here....Thanks for sharing.... :please:

Hi, sean wife!

That's because I later realised that he couldn't help being that way when he was still a small boy. I was trying to mould him into what I felt a 'good' boy should be. My intentions may have been good ones (I wanted to teach him discipline and get him into the habit of doing work quickly) but I forgot that he was, after all, just a small boy. Little boys (and girls?) have a tendency to be mischievous, fidgety and distracted. He made me so angry cos he wouldn't listen that I would smack him sometimes. I feel quite bad about it still.

The key is that I should have waited till he was older to try and inculcate some appropriate form of discipline. It didn't help that his kindy had overly high expectations and gave a lot of homework which he took ages to do. As I keep saying in other threads, it is very often about finding the right 'fit' for the child for kindergarten and primary school. Not all kids are suitable for very academic schools. Doesn't mean that they are stupid. It just means that they need a different way of learning and parents must be prepared to put in the effort to help them learn. Once the pressure is no longer from school, parents then have the freedom to say 'stop', if they feel that the child can no longer continue doing work in a focused, meaningful manner, even if it is just half a page. It's a lot harder to stop if we know the teacher will stare disapprovingly at our child and call us to 'complain' that he/she is not putting effort!

Thankfully, my boy forgets very easily and doesn't bear grudges for those tough growing-up years. Some of my friends' kids still remember how their mummies screamed at them and say stuff like 'You don't love me', 'I want to run away', etc. Shudder. Above all, I would have liked to work more on building a loving relationship with my child.

Having said that, I still have bad days with DS1 now. He's in Pri 2. He's just that sort of boy. I'm still learning to cope with his behaviour and motivating him to do better. And I apologise to him whenever I feel I have been too fierce. Thankfully, there are good days, too! I hope my sharing helps.

[sean wife]

Hi hokkiengirl,


Thanks for sharing…ya, really not easy to take a step back and look at their strengths rather than their weaknesses (we often complain that our bosses only highlight what we don’t do well rather than what we do well right?) Just yesterday, I was kind of upset because one of my girls got 6/10 for her English enrichment spelling, and 3 out of the 4 mistakes was due to her handwriting…my other girl got 8/10, but it was kind of what I expected because there were 2 words which they just could not manage to get right (which is OK with me, since I actually don’t see a lot of value in spending a lot of time to learn spelling words for testing one week, only to forget them a day later…weird thinking right??). Then I started asking my hubby ‘How ah? Handwriting like that, sure lose a lot of marks when go to primary school’…then he says ‘They are not even 5 yet…give them a break…blar blar blar…’ Of course, I started defending myself that easy for him to say that since I am the one putting in much more effort than him where learning is concerned, but his words do help to make me more grounded in terms of my expectations and treasure them for what they are, rather than what they can/cannot do…

Just some ranting…

[mumzmummy]

yup, when my boy was 5 years old, he was that way too. screaming at him just sort of made things worse. I actually try to talk to him nicely. It works somehow, although not all the time

[jedamum]

slmkhoo:

My kids are teens now, and really, what they didn't master at 5yo, they mastered at 6yo or 7yo, and for most of things, that extra year didn't matter at all.

:goodpost:

[toddles]

jedamum:

slmkhoo:

My kids are teens now, and really, what they didn't master at 5yo, they mastered at 6yo or 7yo, and for most of things, that extra year didn't matter at all.

:goodpost:

super like nad super agree! if more parents realised this, they'd all be more chill.... and happier...

[hokkiengirl]

sean wife:

Hi hokkiengirl,


Thanks for sharing…ya, really not easy to take a step back and look at their strengths rather than their weaknesses (we often complain that our bosses only highlight what we don’t do well rather than what we do well right?) Just yesterday, I was kind of upset because one of my girls got 6/10 for her English enrichment spelling, and 3 out of the 4 mistakes was due to her handwriting…my other girl got 8/10, but it was kind of what I expected because there were 2 words which they just could not manage to get right (which is OK with me, since I actually don’t see a lot of value in spending a lot of time to learn spelling words for testing one week, only to forget them a day later…weird thinking right??). Then I started asking my hubby ‘How ah? Handwriting like that, sure lose a lot of marks when go to primary school’…then he says ‘They are not even 5 yet…give them a break…blar blar blar…’ Of course, I started defending myself that easy for him to say that since I am the one putting in much more effort than him where learning is concerned, but his words do help to make me more grounded in terms of my expectations and treasure them for what they are, rather than what they can/cannot do…

Just some ranting…

Ha ha Yup, I totally get what you mean! I think we mummies are so emotionally involved cos we are the main caregivers watching over the kids' school-work and we put in so much more effort. And, ahem, if anything goes 'wrong', we don't want to get blamed by the hubby. At least, that's how I feel, sometimes. Agree! We should just treasure them for who they are! Parenting is a delicate process; cannot push too hard, but must push just enough to help the kiddies reach their full potential. Phew.