All About Autism

[Audvis]

Hi Blokus

I have read up quite a bit too. Just that on that day, I didn’t think his "misbehaviour" was due to any task demand that was beyond him. It was just plain mischief, defiance and a "I don’t care" attitude.

[ImMeeMee]

Audvis


If I may. I am no good with babies and toddlers, cos I can’t engage them well. I find I have no patience with them and they frustrated me a lot. During the early years, it was my husband that was closer to my gals while I was happily pursuing my career. It was only when they grew up and I could engage them at a level that I am more confident with that things started to get better. Along the way my perspectives changed as well especially after dd3’s condition. I still feel frustrated with my gals but they are short lived cos the joy comes from within.

I think kids are a journey. Things can always change along the way, its what we choose them to be. Not being able to engage them now doesn’t mean you cant engage them forever. If you have the will to change, start with small steps eg. you can increase from 10 sentences to 15 each day, eg you can find ways to control your temper. It starts from us and it comes from within.

It’s tough to unlearn and learn all over again, its tough to change our perspectives since they are all ingrained in us. But its not impossible. It’s the will that drives.

JMHO.

[ArielMermaid]

Audvis,

After I read your posting, I logged out but just could not put what you have written out of my mind.

Excuse me for my frankness: but if anybody were to be blamed for the child’s condition, it’s probably the parents; in the first place, he didn’t even asked to be borne! And unlike anybody else, this condition is inherent in the child and he cannot choose to ignore it. He would have to live with it forever! It’s really heartbreaking to hear that you are discriminating against your own child, and that you appeared to have given up on effective communication with your son. This is bad for everybody: your husband is over-taxed, your daughter thinks that it’s ok to just "ignore" people who are different, even if that person is a close family; God knows what is happening to your poor son’s self-esteem; and I’m sure you’d prefer to have a loving relationship with all of your family.

I am not saying that you have to be loving 100% of the time. Of course, you will lose your temper (I haven’t heard of any involved parent who doesn’t). Of course, sometimes you may do things which you’d regret. But you shouldn’t let that stop you from interacting with your child. Reflect on yourself after every "episode", and see how you can better manage and communicate with your child. And Blokus is right: read up to try to understand why your child acted the way he did and handle him accordingly. I don’t believe a special needs child will disobey out of "plain mischief, defiance and a "I don’t care" attitude". After all, who doesn’t want to be loved? Even if he did defy you intentionally, was it an attempt to get your attention?

Unlike the child who has no choice, we have chosen to give birth to the child; let’s "woman" up and be responsible enough to ensure that the child gets the best you can afford to give; everybody has limited resources, but love and affection are things you can give freely to your own child. It is our DUTY to go the extra mile to ensure he is loved when many others would give up and not make the effort.

In case you are wondering, I am a single working mother of a child with autism (and he is not the quiet, smart kind), so I do know to some extent how difficult the "special" child can be.

I hope I didn’t offend you. It’s just so "heartachy" that I feel compelled to add in.

[Audvis]

Hi ImMeeMee and Seleste, thank you for your views and constructive criticism. Indeed, it’s easier to change ourselves to build a bridge to the ASD child than the other way round. I’m still trying to find an activity that I can engage my son in. Being ASD, his conversation is rather limited and centres on topics tt I can’t contribute anything in, and my questions to him about school usually yield one word answers. Hopefully one day I will be able to engage him better like what ImMeeMee said.

[helplessmum3]

Audvis:

Hi mummies, yesterday my son mis-behaved, not once but 4x. I was trying to control my temper, but the final straw came after the 4th misbehaviour. I beat him and pulled his hair. I felt very bitter towards him as i saw him as the cause of all the misery in my family. I even felt that I would be very happy if my son were dead.


I'm wondering if it is normal to feel so negative about your child, ie hate him so much that you wish he were dead?

U seriously need help ! Pls call social workers u act up because u are stress . U definitely love him dearly. Just tat now u can think properly due to stress. Pls find way to take a break go seaside yrself ok!!

[mashy]

Audvis:

Hi ImMeeMee and Seleste, thank you for your views and constructive criticism. Indeed, it's easier to change ourselves to build a bridge to the ASD child than the other way round. I'm still trying to find an activity that I can engage my son in. Being ASD, his conversation is rather limited and centres on topics tt I can't contribute anything in, and my questions to him about school usually yield one word answers. Hopefully one day I will be able to engage him better like what ImMeeMee said.

What topics do he like now? Mine was also obsessed with science and couldn't tell me anything about school. But lately, that has changed. He has stopped his obsession with science. He still reads about it but doesn't tell me about black holes all the time. He is also able to tell me what happens in school. so things can change. U start by talking to him about what he is interested in. After he is more able to handle a conversation, then u can ask him more open ended questions. Yesterday, his teacher told me that he put up his hand to answer a question she asked and doesn't get out of topic anymore. Yippee!

[ArielMermaid]

…

[ImMeeMee]

Audvis:

Hopefully one day I will be able to engage him better like what ImMeeMee said.

Audvis, do believe that the moment will come. Experts say that when applied appropriately, we can use obsessions and stimming activities to our advantage to engage the child. Mummies here have given lots of examples - it can be done.

Make an effort, and after the initial tough phase, things may start to take off.

[nugget]

mashy:

What topics do he like now? Mine was also obsessed with science and couldn't tell me anything about school. But lately, that has changed. He has stopped his obsession with science. He still reads about it but doesn't tell me about black holes all the time. He is also able to tell me what happens in school. so things can change. U start by talking to him about what he is interested in. After he is more able to handle a conversation, then u can ask him more open ended questions. Yesterday, his teacher told me that he put up his hand to answer a question she asked and doesn't get out of topic anymore. Yippee!

Happy for you Mashy! Recently my boy went to KKH rehab for an assessment and they also conclude that my son has a speech of 3-3.5 yes old. Actually I like the rehab speech therapy better than my pte slt cos I can sit in.

They actually offer me speech therapy sessions for my son (without the your son is in eipic so we can't offer u etc...) I am do happy and took it. Any extra lessons is good for him. really dun understand why rehab and CDC works differently.

[nugget]

I have the social picture workbook as well by Jed Barker. But my son only interested in the words \"right way\" and \"wrong way\". Maybe he still not ready for social stories yet?


I am currently reading \"Talk Ability\" from amazon which teaches us how to engage and get our ASD kids to talk. I just started this book and is quite impress so far. It's more like a practical guide for u to try to practice with your kid.
http://www.amazon.com/TalkAbility-People-Children-Spectrum-Parents/dp/0921145322