HOW TO MOTIVATE MY GIRL TO PUT IN MORE EFFORT IN HER STUDIES

[beanbear]

spanly:

hello Chenonceau,


I'm keen in your book as I do sincerely believe the importance of the child to be self motivated if he/she want to do well in their study... but alas how many such children will be so automatic??

My 8 yrs old boy need quite a lot pushing to get his work done.. he always wanted to complete his tasks fast(which results in careless mistakes) so he can finished quickly & go play... DW is pretty frustrated in coaching him after work.. He got bad sitting habit too... giving him a good set of ergonomic table & chair & yet he didn't want to sit properly. Both of us have been telling him off but it doesn't seem to get into his head... he has also such care-less attitude.. :frustrated: I know some of these traits are not uncommon in kids this ages but nevertheless, is still so frustrating not to be able to rectify them.

Hope your book would address some of the above issues... thanks.

Sometimes our kids' issues may be physiological or neurological. My DD has poor posture which is related to poor muscle tone. This can be addressed with an occupational therapy. Some of issues our children face cannot be addressed by telling off and reminders because it's much deeper than that. I never knew that my DD's poor posture was because of physiological issue until I got her assessed by an OT and then began to realize that some of the learning difficulties, poor attitudes are linked to a delay in neurological processing issues & nervous system issues. Some of the issues are hard for parents to understand how they are linked to learning performance. But if a problem is persistent and you have tried many different methods, it may be good to seek a professional opinion.

[debbiehsl]

Dear Chenonceau,


Thanks for replying. Sure. I will read up the whole book and see what I can do. Need your advised. Just yesterday, my boy of p4 is really giving me a hard time. He attended a Chinese tuition for 2 lessons and was required to write & learn 18 chinese words (5 time per words) for spelling for the next tuition. The words printed on the paper are not clear and I offered to help by writing the first round of words for his easy reference on his writing pad. Who knows he ask me to help him write the 2nd round for him. I told him I cannot do so cos it is his homework and he needs to do it himself. He show tantrum by saying since I write for him the 1st round why not the 2nd round. Therefore, I apply your method by giving structured choices. I told him “You can choose not to complete today if you do not feels like writing now instead you can do it tomorrow”. But, he told me he wants to write it now but want me to write the 2nd round for him. I keep explaining to him but he just keeps crying till I get so agitated. He almost get canning from his dad too. He also said why I don’t understand him. That makes me feels so sad. Wonder am I really don’t understand him. After a while, he came and said sorry to me. I just don’t understand why he behaves like that. Its easy to read a book but difficult to apply. : (

Chenonceau:

debbiehsl:

Hi Chen,

Wonder if i can get assistance from your advise on certain issue privately about my boy if you dont mind calling my mobile.

Deb

Hi Debbie,
I tend to get quite inundated with private requests for help via PM. Some forummers here can attest to the fact that a single phone call on a private issue can take up to 2 hours. I used to have more time and could do it and I did it for free. Now, I have less time. So... ever since I started my coaching/therapy services, I've been implementing the following.

I am happy to help for (in my spots of free time) if you don't mind sharing your issue publicly on this forum. This way, my response to you is shared with others and everyone learns. If you want a private consultation, you can read up on the options here...
(1) http://www.petunialee.blogspot.co.il/p/therapy.html
(2) http://www.petunialee.blogspot.co.il/p/coaching.html

My advice to you is to read the book first. I realize that until parents have read the book, I end up explaining some of the basic strategies already in the book. This takes up time... and if you pay for that sharing as part of Coaching/Therapy... it is very expensive. To save money, it makes more sense to read the book first.

Don't panic. Even if I call you now, I don't think it'll help much. Read the book first... don't panic... think about what you have read... some things will fall into place. I've seen that happen very often.

Very often parents come to me and are very burdened. Over time, I realized that many of these motivation problems that parents see as insurmountable, are very very solvable. You just need to know how. Calm down... don't panic... have faith that yours is a solvable problem. Read the book and try to solve it yourself first.

If you need coaching even after reading the book, then you can let me know. I will waste less time and you will waste less money in coaching IF you have already read the book.

[Chenonceau]

Hi Debbie… have you read the whole book yet? If you have, you should be able to answer the following questions…


(1) What should you have done before either you or your husband caned your child? Hint: refer to chapter on punishment?
(2) What did the book say about how you should respond if your child rejects your the choices you gave him ?

I probably will help you here with leading questions only. I won’t give customised answers. This will ensure that you ask questions only after you’ve properly read the book… thought some things through for yourself.

[debbiehsl]

Not yet. But before I come to that, I already encounter it. : (

Will do. I will read it up on that chapter. Thanks. : )

Chenonceau:

Hi Debbie... have you read the whole book yet? If you have, you should be able to answer the following questions...

(1) What should you have done before either you or your husband caned your child? Hint: refer to chapter on punishment?
(2) What did the book say about how you should respond if your child rejects your the choices you gave him ?

I probably will help you here with leading questions only. I won't give customised answers. This way you can learn to link the strategies to your own situation above.

[Chenonceau]

debbiehsl:

Not yet. But before I come to that, I already encounter it. : (

Will do. I will read it up on that chapter. Thanks. : )

Chenonceau:

Hi Debbie... have you read the whole book yet? If you have, you should be able to answer the following questions...

(1) What should you have done before either you or your husband caned your child? Hint: refer to chapter on punishment?
(2) What did the book say about how you should respond if your child rejects your the choices you gave him ?

I probably will help you here with leading questions only. I won't give customised answers. This way you can learn to link the strategies to your own situation above.

Not just that chapter, read the WHOLE book. Please please do that. It will be more considerate of my time. If you ask every single question that comes to mind without trying to help yourself from the book, you will use up a lot of my time here unnecessarily since I will have to repeat the basics from the book here. I took one look at your sharing above and I could tell you had not read the book.

I hope you understand. Be nice to me. Please read the WHOLE book before you ask.

[snowball]

Hi Petunial, i have ordered a copy of your book yesterday...wondering when i will receive the book

[Jimmyhth]

My girl, Jamie, used to dislike studying very much. She would complain that she had tummy ache, headache and not feeling too well just to avoid going to school. Initially, I didn’t put much thought into this but her condition worsened and she was going to the doctor more often. Upon my sister’s suggestion, I enrolled my kids into Mindchamps (my son too, as I wanted to be fair to both of them) as she told me this will help instill confidence and have a positive attitude towards learning.


Jamie enjoyed the program very much and she was always counting down every Friday, looking forward to go to Mindchamps in on Sundays! She has gained confidence and became very positive after her 5th lesson. She started to enjoy school. I was very surprised to see a big shift in her mind set.

[Chenonceau]

snowball:

Hi Petunial, i have ordered a copy of your book yesterday...wondering when i will receive the book

Hi hi... Snowball... I missed this post. Hmmmmm... how come the email didn't give me an alert? Delivery is within 10 days of payment.

[Chenonceau]

This post is an answer to a comment here - http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?p=850074#p850074


Hi hi Beanbear...

dangerous to have favourite strategies... leads to strategy over use and possibly strategy ineffectiveness. But I am really pleased that you can handle SC well enough to get good results. This is one of the easiest strategies to understand but hardest to implement because
(1) sensitivity to choice calibration (constrained to free)
(2) choice difficulty (need to be customized)

Try to match strategy to situation rather than prize any one strategy particularly. You could hurt yourself and your child in unforeseen ways.

[Champion]

I am into reading the 2nd round of the Internal Drive Theory Book I am a slow (really slow absorber) so there will be the chance that I will read it the 3rd, 4th or 5th time before I can understand and apply the motivational strategies


But, this book comes at the right timing - the very key point or rather statement that I highlighted and mark it with the post-it flag - page 19, it says, \" ....make sure we ignite their internal drive for school early, by end of Primary 4 [p.s. P4 DD1 saw that I was reading this book and came over to \"kapoh\" and when she saw what I have highlighted, she said,\" Oh, that's talking about me, right?\" ]

:salute: :salute: Dr. Petunia Lee - this is very \"down-to-earth\" motivational book that I came across this year. Can't give much comments yet but definitely one that I carry with me when I have the spare time to read (remember - i am a slow reader )