Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave?

[concern2]

jesuslovesme:

I am torn between the school of no corporal punishment and the \"spare the rod, spoil the child\" saying. I have two boys, 4.5 and 2.5yrs, with the eldest being the most defiant. But I feel heartbroken after each canning episode (usually a stroke or two).

Sometimes I wonder if having to resort to canning makes me a bad mom

The Monkey King was so powerful that no one could beat him, so he went around abusing his powers. Finally, Kuan Yin Pu Sa had to put a 'jing gu zou' on him and let his Shi Fu, someone wiser, to tame him. Can you be the Shi Fu who could help your children?

Try saying \"Wo Ni To Fuo\" after you cane them, if you must, but looking at your nick....hm....maybe you can try some other chants to make yourself feel better...

[Imami]

concern2:

jesuslovesme:

I am torn between the school of no corporal punishment and the \"spare the rod, spoil the child\" saying. I have two boys, 4.5 and 2.5yrs, with the eldest being the most defiant. But I feel heartbroken after each canning episode (usually a stroke or two).

Sometimes I wonder if having to resort to canning makes me a bad mom

The Monkey King was so powerful that no one could beat him, so he went around abusing his powers. Finally, Kuan Yin Pu Sa had to put a 'jing gu zou' on him and let his Shi Fu, someone wiser, to tame him. Can you be the Shi Fu who could help your children?

Try saying \"Wo Ni To Fuo\" after you cane them, if you must, but looking at your nick....hm....maybe you can try some other chants to make yourself feel better...

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

You are so funny! The silence in office was broken by my :rotflmao:

The part on \"wo ni to fuo\" - :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

[keroppi]

jesuslovesme:

I am torn between the school of no corporal punishment and the \"spare the rod, spoil the child\" saying. I have two boys, 4.5 and 2.5yrs, with the eldest being the most defiant. But I feel heartbroken after each canning episode (usually a stroke or two).

Sometimes I wonder if having to resort to canning makes me a bad mom

I feel that only you know your child best. It really depends on what you deem is the most effective disclipine for your children. If only caning works, then do it. However, if you have to resort to caning or spanking, make sure you do not lose control or apply excessive force - it is easy to cross the line from discipline to abuse.

I often feel that caning is better than spanking - caning inflicts only superficial injuries to the skin whereas spanking/hitting/slapping with the hand may cause internal injuries. JHMO.

[SBKS]

now i have a slight dilemma.


i use caning on my D1 and it work. she is afraid of Mr cAne. D2 is super stubborn. We sometimes wonder did all our stubborness went to her alone. Yday took the cane out and meted out the caning on D2. wahpiang. I admit i got go easy on her as I am calm at that point in time. Just want her to follow instructions but she stubbornly refused. Gave her 3 strokes and she cried and later still refused to do so.

So concluded that D2 is one that take the soft approach and not the hard one. And she does knows how to bargain. like born with it.

Dilemma is: Since D1 takes the hard approach right now, and D2 takes soft, how do I take D2 in hand infront of D1? D1 would have seen that its weird why Daddy cane/scold her but talk to mei mei softly?

I know about separating them and lecture them separately but there are times that when we are outside, we could not do that.

anyone has any advice?

[SBKS]

I have sql error when posting and i repost again but with persistent error. turn out that it still appears in the forum. Can admin check?

[hotmama77]

I have 2 daughters, elder one 9yo and younger one 6yo. I keep a cane at home but it’s only used when they did something really bad or serious. Otherwise my hubby and I rarely go physical on them.


There’s one time i caned my elder daughter this year for certain "offences". she forged my hubby’s signature as her results were not up to standard. For me, forging n deceiving us is serious, and if she had own up to her bad results, i would nt hav caned her.

So, i gave her 6 strokes of the cane across her bare bottom. I hit as hard as i could for each stroke as i wan to make sure she remembers it and nt repeat the same mistakes. After the 6 strokes she was crying and her bottom had welts and badly bruised. it pains me but i guess caning made sure she don’t repeat the same mistake again

[Imami]

For those who uses cane, pls take note not to drag the moment the cane touches the flesh. U all know what I mean? If u just slap the cane onto the flesh, the skin remains in tact. But if you drag a little, the skin may slit open. It’s very painful…

[autumnbronze]

jesuslovesme:

I am torn between the school of no corporal punishment and the \"spare the rod, spoil the child\" saying. I have two boys, 4.5 and 2.5yrs, with the eldest being the most defiant. But I feel heartbroken after each canning episode (usually a stroke or two).

Sometimes I wonder if having to resort to canning makes me a bad mom

Hi jesuslovesme,

Has your son always been defiant? Your son may be going through a rebellious phase. You may want to consider finding out if there are any underlying reasons. For instance, could be due to jealousy because you may be spending too much time with the younger one?

My son has been giving me a really hard time lately. He has a year old brother and although I do not neglect him at all, I suspect he still feels that I am not spending enough time with him. I have inferred from my talks with him that he wants to be with me even though I am say, putting the younger one to sleep. So bo bian, even though he makes some noise, I allow him to come in and sit on the bed and play with his toys while I put the younger one to sleep. I leave the door open too. Previously I would
close the door and would be in sometimes for an hour. After leaving the door open, I realized that after a while, he would just step out of the room and play, perhaps feeling more assured that mommy is just there within eye contact.

The other thing I have attempted to do is to stop is scolding him unnecessarily. I pick and choose my battles. Some I ignore if they are not too serious. But I speak to him about it a little later. I have also established a list of words to calm him down when he is in a bad behaviour eg \"calm down\", \"look at me\" etc ... in a quiet but firm tone. He also has a naughty corner which he is very very 'allergic' to. He hates, and I mean really hates standing there cuz he knows I mean business when I tell him to stand there, it could be like for 10 to 15 mins, depending on the severity of his naughtiness. And you know kids, a mere five minutes seems an hour to them.

Because he is my first born, I find that I can be hard on him. I also find that when I do smack him because he has committed a really bad act, he will reel back in shock and surprise cuz I have stopped using that as a measure of punishment for some time. He will actually look very hurt and come back to me and sayang me while crying concurrently cuz he knows that this time he is done for. I do not use the cane by the way.

What I am sharing is simply what I am going through or have experienced as a parent. It's always a learning journey. Always. And each child is different. And it can be a vast difference. I see such a stark contrast between my two boys. While my elder one hates it when I reprimand him, preferring me to sit down and explain matters to him, or he will show temper. The younger one will make funny faces, in his own way try to wink wink at me to get me to smile, when I reprimand him. So different strokes for different folks.

Okie, another thing, it's important to spend time together with the kiddos and also to have one to one time with them. When this happens, I either leave one of them with my DH or in-laws. This works for my elder one.

However, you must always remember to have (a) leverage. If you use the cane indiscreetly, then what form of punishment are you going to resort to if your kiddo does something really bad, that he has intense dislike or fear for?

I do not know if this will help. But the bottom line is that there must be a reason why your elder one is being defiant. And it's imperative that you find out, reflect and if need be, make some changes in your punishment strategy.


:hugs: to ya!!

[SBKS]

i do agree with autumnbronze.


1) we have to choose our battles…its not necessary to fight every battle, u will be mentally tired.
2) jealousy is often the case when there are siblings.
3) if there are siblings, focus on behaviour and attitude and manners teaching on the elder one. Why? cos the younger ones will take cue from the elder one. UNLESS 1 of your younger siblings is a born indian chief. even the elder one follows the younger one. In short, teach the indian chief among your kids and rest should go well.

[janice75]

any parent canes their daughter due to poor academic results?


i have a friend who does that. 1 forceful stroke on the butt for each subject that her daughter failed to get an A.