Am I doing my ds a disservice?

[James Ang]

tamarind:

I think we should respect the fact that parents know their kids best, and they are doing what they think is best for the kids.


For those parents who send their kids to many enrichment classes, I heard that in many cases, the kids asked to go for the classes. So it is not the parents' fault. What happens if your child ask for piano, swimming, arts, gym, cooking classes etc ? There are many parents who feel that they should give their kids the best and they don't mind paying for the classes. Since the kids are happy, why should we make any comments ?

Some kids require systematic teaching at home in order to learn how to read. They benefit tremendously when given one to one attention at home. Few kids can learn how to read on their own without being taught. That's why parents like me have to put in the effort to teach my boy at home. Other parents can say that we should just \"take it easy\". But if I do, my boy probably could not read anything at 6 years old. Rest assured that my kids still spend most of their time playing.

So it is not fair to criticize other parents methods, because you really don't know what is the real situation.

hi Tamarind,

I agree with this very important reason why some students are attending lessons and enrichment classes. That is the children themselves want to go for these lessons! Children have aspirations too and that is what some parents dismiss as pure dream and unattainable goals because some parents themselves lack confidence and in their kids too. Kids today being exposed to the world media, they want to be professional even international sportsmen, musician, performers, doctors and lawyers etc. The world is their oyster, and going into systematic learning and through taking music exams and other qualifications is the first step to realising their lofty dreams that can become real, only if they take action. With parents' support of course.

[corneyAmber]

jedamum:

ks2me,

actually i am not putting myself in the same footing as the friend.
i am just trying to pass on the message that we should try not to judge people based on the few occasions that we see them in, especially our friends.
it is always easier said than done, but unless we are sure what the parents did are very wrong and that we can or intend to do something to change kid's situation, what is the use of lambasting these parents over the net? It will be better to stick to general/positive comments. jmo.

Sorry, because you quoted from girlmum and that was not girlmum's friend. I agree no point making such comments if that is a friend that you can do something about.

[corneyAmber]

tamarind:

For those parents who send their kids to many enrichment classes, I heard that in many cases, the kids asked to go for the classes. So it is not the parents' fault. What happens if your child ask for piano, swimming, arts, gym, cooking classes etc ? There are many parents who feel that they should give their kids the best and they don't mind paying for the classes. Since the kids are happy, why should we make any comments ?

I agree enthusiatic kids do ask, so do mine. However, you must be able to see through excuses made by parents and not be naive. And I think we are not talking about happy kids here, we are talking about kids feeling tired, listless and lack of adequate rest.

Let's look at things objectively, will a child ask for speech and drama in Julia Gabria and speech and drama in Lorna Whiston? I believe a child can ask for speech and drama but not both. Can a child request for Maths in TLL, Abacus and MPM at the same time or Shicida and another total brain training at the same time? If so, I take my hats off these genius enrichment kids....geniuses in knowing enrichment. :lol:

Anyway, like you say, it's your(general your, not you per se) kids.

[tamarind]

ks2me:

I agree enthusiatic kids do ask, so do mine. However, you must be able to see through excuses made by parents and not be naive. And I think we are not talking about happy kids here, we are talking about kids feeling tired, listless and lack of adequate rest.

Let's look at things objectively, will a child ask for speech and drama in Julia Gabria and speech and drama in Lorna Whiston? I believe a child can ask for speech and drama but not both. Can a child request for Maths in TLL, Abacus and MPM at the same time or Shicida and another total brain training at the same time? If so, I take my hats off these genius enrichment kids....geniuses in knowing enrichment. :lol:

Anyway, like you say, it's your(general your, not you per se) kids.

It is possible that the kid is the only child at home, always alone at home with the maid. Like my ex-colleague's girl. She probably enjoys attending classes where she can meet other kids, does not matter what classes. It does not matter whether she absorbs anything at all, she can go to class and day dream, but she still likes to go to class because it is better than facing the maid at home.

It's other people's kids, other people's money not any of our business.

[tamarind]

James Ang:

hi Tamarind,

I agree with this very important reason why some students are attending lessons and enrichment classes. That is the children themselves want to go for these lessons! Children have aspirations too and that is what some parents dismiss as pure dream and unattainable goals because some parents themselves lack confidence and in their kids too. Kids today being exposed to the world media, they want to be professional even international sportsmen, musician, performers, doctors and lawyers etc. The world is their oyster, and going into systematic learning and through taking music exams and other qualifications is the first step to realising their lofty dreams that can become real, only if they take action. With parents' support of course.

I agree with you too

[corneyAmber]

tamarind:

It is possible that the kid is the only child at home, always alone at home with the maid. Like my ex-colleague's girl. She probably enjoys attending classes where she can meet other kids, does not matter what classes. It does not matter whether she absorbs anything at all, she can go to class and day dream, but she still likes to go to class because it is better than facing the maid at home.

It's other people's kids, other people's money not any of our business.

True but all these actions do have repercussions in the bigger scheme of \"education\" and you will be indirectly affected, like it or not.

[BeautifulLife]

Hi,


My ds school has many tests on top of weekly spelling and ting xie. A handful of his classmates had been struggling since school starts. Their mummies are suffering too. My heart goes to them. That’s why I mentioned earlier that I salute my friends for they are willing to put their time (travelling to tuitions and even having to scream and bargain with their kids to do work at home) in nurturing their kids the way they deem best. The common complains I hear from my ds’s classmates’ mummies are that their ds simply can’t remember things they learnt for more than a day. These boys, (I really do not agree with them being labelled ‘not-so-smart’) definitetly feel the heat. They simply need more time in learning compared to those fast-learners. These mummies have no choice! Thus, these kids are sent to numerous tuitions. Spelling and tingxie has to be revised at least 5 times a day despite their kids’ protests.

Why did I start this topic? I was prompted by my ds’s teacher’s comment that I am not helping ds acheive his best. My friend threw some light to me. She said since my ds do not need to learn spelling,tingxie,etc, then I should let him have another spelling list with more difficult words to learn at home. I think what she meant is that my ds is not learning as much as his ability can. My stance is, these spelling and tingxie words are new to my ds too. It is just that he can remember them once the teachers go through in class. But the more I talked to people, the more I wonder if I am doing my ds a disservice by not pushing him hard enough.

I guess we shouldn’t try to label people. Parents who are making their kids live on such hectic schedules are simply trying to help their kids achieve their best, I guess. I truly salute them. But like I asked my best friend,"your dd got 95 but you told her must try to get 99 next time. What is your purpose? Do you truly feel that extra 4 marks is impt to her or you feel better when telling your friends that your dd got 99? Is it for our own glory or is it really because you think it is impt?" I asked that because if it is for our own glory, then it is unfair to the kids. I don’t know about other children, but my ds, doesn’t really care about that extra 4 marks. He feel as long he is improving, he deserves a pat on his back…My best friend replied," Both reasons".

[tamarind]

ks2me:

True but all these actions do have repercussions in the bigger scheme of \"education\" and you will be indirectly affected, like it or not.

What sort of repercussions ? Actually I think that attending many enrichment classes is still better than watching TV and playing computer games all day at home.

Nowadays most classes for kids below the age of 6 try to make sure that the kids have fun while learning. They may not be stressed at all. Though there are some classes like Kumon that make the kids do countless worksheets, but then I know some kids who enjoy doing worksheets more than prancing around.

Actually the people who suffer the most are the parents, they have to fetch the kids around. But then again many parents just let the maid bring the kid to enrichment classes.

BeautifulLife:

She said since my ds do not need to learn spelling,tingxie,etc, then I should let him have another spelling list with more difficult words to learn at home

Some kids are able to spell any word, even words that he has never been taught before, using the phonics techniques. Tell people like your friend and it should shut them up.

[BeautifulLife]

Hi Tamarind,


You are so right!! My ds has a classmate, active and bubbly, enjoys Kumon worksheets. He sits there for 2 hrs just doing worksheets. There was once his mum ‘misplaced’ and put a stack of past-year papers on the dining table, this dear boy simply took it and finished doing the whole stack! He has been doing abacus for years and now doing abacus in thousands. His mum wanted him to stop but he wants to continue.
Like there are always 2 sides in a coin, this boy has a competitive nature. He can’t take failure. Once his English paper got 2 marks lower than my ds, he went home and asked his mum to let him have English tuition. He, is going to be a high-achiever.

What about this? We nurture our kids(academically) based on their character. My ds do not dislike doing work but won’t ask to do work. wahaha.Kids like him if is doing just fine in school, we can let him be without pushing him.
Kids who dislike school and can’t cope as well, we have to push them by sending them to tuitions…

[sleepy]

BeautifulLife:

Why did I start this topic? I was prompted by my ds's teacher's comment that I am not helping ds acheive his best. My friend threw some light to me. She said since my ds do not need to learn spelling,tingxie,etc, then I should let him have another spelling list with more difficult words to learn at home. I think what she meant is that my ds is not learning as much as his ability can. My stance is, these spelling and tingxie words are new to my ds too. It is just that he can remember them once the teachers go through in class. But the more I talked to people, the more I wonder if I am doing my ds a disservice by not pushing him hard enough.

My take is, help the child to learn if he or she is willing & capable. My dd is not learning as much as she would like from her primary school. Quoting her, 'I went to school to play'. Her teacher is not so impressed but that's another topic

So to keep her interested in learning, we've to expose her to other stuff not taught in school. Very often, the simple act of having enriching books around in house is sufficient. She can pick up & read for self-learning. However I do not believe in hothousing or drilling the child. Learning more advanced levels should be a breeze, not a torture to the child.

By the way, my dd does not attend any enrichments since entering primary school. She plays piano for leisure, no exam. Only attending Arts once a week.